Line #93 Funny/AtMidnight


1	* When they had Wrestling/ChrisJericho on, one of his opponents, Andy Kindler, was showed in a vignette cutting a promo on him, even referring to himself as [=Y2Jew=]! Chris' response?
2	-->'''Chris''': I've always been a fan of midget wrestling; that was good!
3	** From that same episode, Chris Jericho's [[Series/{{Seinfeld}} Kramer]] impersonation after [[ItMakesSenseInContext a bodybuilder has a crazy dream about George Costanza.]]
4	* Chris [[http://hazelgracelancaster.tumblr.com/post/72712917827/chris-hardwick-talks-about-censorship-of-womens lampshades that]] they can show "a cross-section of a pregnant woman with a cat coming out of her vagina", but [[NippleAndDimed they somehow can't show her]] [[CensorDecoy breast]].
5	-->'''Chris:''' You see, that big pussy comes out of that big ''[[CensoredForComedy (bleep)]]''. And if my Standards and Practices calculations are correct, [[LampshadeHanging only one of those got bleeped.]]
6	** [[HilariousInHindsight Well]], [[http://uproxx.com/tv/2014/11/the-word-pssy-will-no-longer-be-bleeped-on-comedy-central-thanks-to-amy-schumer/ not any more...]]
7	* In the "Legend of Pervert Dave" category (a guy called David Cummings, the titular Pervert Dave), the comedians are tasked with providing a [[MemeticBadass tall tale]] for his "obituary." Steve Agee comes up with one that ''incapacitates Chris with laughter'':
8	-->'''Steve''': Pervert Dave loved to f**k. Just ask his dog, Sad Jeff.\
9	'''Audience''': ''(explodes with riotous laughter)''\
10	'''Chris''': ''(switches between FacePalm and being doubled over in laughter)''
11	* The results of a Live Challenge where the panelists named a novel where a review of sugarless Gummi Bears came from. Horatio Sanz's answer? "The diarrhea of Anne Frank".
12	-->'''Horatio''': Good night, everybody! (walks off the set)
13	-->'''Chris''': Horatio Sanz has just spiked the ball on "@midnight".
14	* Rhys Darby's entry in one FTW about Amazon reviews for a placenta cookbook [[spoiler: (he won)]]:
15	-->"Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free? Well my wife is quite the cow. Seriously she's actually a cow, should have just purchased one of Dairy Farming Techniques. 0 stars for me I'm afraid Chris. What time does this show finish? It's Rhys by the way..."
16	* Jared Logan and Dan St. Germain are described as "looking like a health video where Jared makes all the good decisions while Dan makes all the bad decisions."
17	* Chris talks about how when Kanye and Kim tied the knot, and said "[[BlackComedy the news pretty much killed]] Maya Angelou" (who died that same weekend).
18	* The picture of Chris and Kevin Pereira cosplaying as Franchise/WonderWoman and [[Film/ReturnOfTheJedi slave!Leia]]. Which is ''at least'' five years old.
19	* '''''Grapefruiting.''''' A woman demonstrates an oral sex technique that involves using a grapefruit to...assist. They couldn't show some of the more provocative parts, but they did show the contestants' reactions. ScreamingAtSquick, NoJustNoReaction, SickAndWrong...
20	* Brett Gelman intentionally sabotaging the opening of one episode by declaring his love for physical comedy, running out to the center of the stage with a bucket on one of his feet, tripping so that he'd land next to Chris' podium, and shouting [[Series/SaturdayNightLive "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"]].
21	* During the ''Film/TwentyTwoJumpStreet'' special, Jonah Hill and Creator/ChanningTatum come on stage to help with a game about SlashFic, Tatum's face is beet-red the entire time, but the funniest moment has to be when Chris accidentally gave Music/IceCube and Music/IceT a PortmanteauCoupleName, The Ices.
22	-->'''Jonah Hill''': ''(To Chris)'' You have no idea how close you are to getting your ass kicked.
23	** Music/IceCube is positively ''dumbstruck'' by the fact that someone wrote a fanfic about him and Music/IceT being ''really'' into model trains. And it was called "[[{{Pun}} Train-ing Day]]."
24	** Later, probably because of the above, Chris just declares Cube the winner, prompting [[Series/TheDailyShowWithJonStewart Rob Riggle]] to call him a pussy, Chris agrees wholeheartedly.
25	* David Wain captions a post-threesome selfie "[[CrossesTheLineTwice Mom, Aunt Nancy, you guys are the best!]]" Chris refuses to award points based solely on the fact that he actually ''has'' an Aunt Nancy.
26	* The 100th episode's "Fan Fiction Theater". Previously, [[WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong Chris Hardwick told the viewers to write fanfic that would be acted out the next day]]. The result? "Bunches of Funches", a sensual story about contestant Ron Funches stopping by Hardwick's house and ending in Funches in nothing but his underwear. [[spoiler: They end up sharing hot cocoa like old friends.]]
27	** Presented by Hardwick and Funches reciting their lines while the other two contestants split narration duties.
28	* Chris relays the news from North Korea that they are promising violent retaliation against the USA because of the movie ''Film/TheInterview''. Chris also fails to keep a straight face.
29	* Showing off a picture of a German soccer player with a RagingStiffie...and having the unfortunately named Gotze...and then [[TemptingFate having to tell people to differentiate]] between goatse and that guy.
30	** Someone shopped Chris and Kim Jong-un eating ice-cream together. Chris was just as stunned as everyone else.
31	* ''Everything'' in regards to the show's Emmy nomination.
32	** Chris even got to present at the Emmys, too. [[EpicFail The very next day, his "extra special" performance was the top of]] [[Website/{{Reddit}} r/cringe]].
33	-->'''Chris''': I don't even remember what I said; I was just glad I didn't shit myself and throw up into the microphone.\
34	'''Pete Holmes''': Though to be fair, that picture [of Chris] does look like you're shitting yourself.
35	* The "clitballs" discussion from the extended episode featuring Creator/WilWheaton, Aisha Tyler and Kevin Pereira. Also, the discussion about Tigger. "Sorry, Aisha, we call him a Tiger-American." "I'm from the streets, we call him Tigga!"
36	* Tom Lennon referring to a Website/YouTube musician as "Weird Al Qaeda Yankovic" is funny enough... but he does so while the ''actual'' Music/WeirdAlYankovic is standing not four feet away from him as a competitor.
37	* James Joyce keeps beating out Donell Rawlings in the first Live Challenge. Darnell first asks if his buzzer is even working. Then, as James continues to beat him to the punch, he gets [[ChewingTheScenery more and more pissed]].
38	* After Owen Burke is eliminated, Chris introduces the FTW final round and prefaces it with "I want you to just make yourself okay with what I'm about to show you," then shows the news headline: [[spoiler: "Rats Entered Corpses Through Vagina And Anus At D.C. Hospital, Ex-Worker Says"]].
39	--> '''Owen Burke''': Hey Chris?
40	--> '''Chris Hardwick''': Yeah, Owen?
41	--> '''Owen Burke''': I'm glad I lost.
42	* Blaine Capatch takes on Creator/DrewCarey in the "For The Win" on the 8/28 episode. The challenge is to make up a fake Craigslist ad for a man wearing a costume that makes it look like [[BestialityIsDepraved he's having sex with a sheep]]. One answer, [[spoiler:Drew's]], is a hilarious Craigslist "missed connections" ad. The other, [[spoiler:Blaine's]]... is simply [[Series/ThePriceIsRight $1]]. The $1 answer won.
43	* Chris' reaction to seeing Paul F. Tompkins', Creator/JohnHodgman's, and Creator/GregProops' outfits: "I feel like I'm before a Hogwarts disciplinary tribunal..." Immediately followed by all three doing Creator/AlanRickman Snape impressions.
44	** After Paul is unable to deliver a complex joke twice in a row (seemingly someone in the audience broke his concentration), he starts to rant about it. Chris gets on the floor and starts playing a (fake) harmonica while Paul does a Creator/KenBurns-style monologue.
45	* The "Tatscrewed" category. It shows bad tattoos, obviously, but they're particularly perplexed by a description that reads "An above the breast tattoo that says 'Stop Starring Bitches'". The contestants think it's a typo by the show. [[spoiler:It's not. The misspelled phrases is accompanied by two tattoos of eyes on the upper part of the woman's breasts]]. The second one, a set on someone's thighs of UsefulNotes/BarackObama and UsefulNotes/OsamaBinLaden, is equally derided.
46	-->'''Rhys Darby''': I GOT A GREEN CARD FOR ''THIS?!''
47	* On their first night in their New York special, they played "Iron Sheik, Real or Jabroni?", which Chris was very excited for. Sheik threatened to humble and ''[[RefugeInAudacity give ebola]]'' to Kim Jong-un, called Paula Deen "cheeseburger tits", and told Chris "Go fuck yourself! Have a nice day!" Chris didn't know if the third one was Real or Jabroni, so he counted it as both.
48	* When discussing a ([[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiSn2JuDQSc fantastic]]) Christmas-themed ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'' recut on Website/YouTube, Creator/WilWheaton took a moment to address the internet:
49	-->'''Wil Wheaton''': Yes, I've seen it. Yes. Yes, Website/{{Twitter}}. Yes, Website/{{Facebook}}. Yes, Website/{{Tumblr}}. Yes, e-mail. Yes, Pinterest. Yes, ''Ello''. I've seen it! You do not have to send it to me. [[HaHaHaNo Hahaha I'VE SEEN IT]].
50	* The "Make History Cute" Hashtag wars.
51	-->'''Creator/PattonOswalt''': ''(cute little girl voice)'' Nine eweven~\
52	'''Chris''': ...points.\
53	'''Pete Holmes''': Awwwww-shwitz!\
54	'''Chris''': ''(bent over laughing)''\
55	'''Patton''': ''(uses both hands to FacePalm)''\
56	'''Pete''': ''(stars wiggling in place)''\
57	'''Chris''': Stop it! You're making it worse!
58	* A truck carrying chicken collides with a truck carrying bees. Chris describes it as "the next site for the Gathering of the Juggalos."
59	** From that same show: [=#RuinASoup=]
60	--->'''Brauner''': ...blown chunks beef stew. ''(to the crowd)'' I almost barfed!\
61	'''Chris''': Did you gag when you said that?\
62	'''Brauner''': I gagged as I said it!
63	* At one point during the Hashtag Wars in the episode with the cast of ''No, You Shut Up!'', Hardwick randomly changes into a Muppet version of himself for one shot. [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment This is never pointed out.]]
64	* [=#HellishFood=] (demonic versions of popular dishes). Mr. Benson, the floor is yours...
65	-->'''DougBenson''': Toast that was burned in hell!\
66	''(Audience laughs)''\
67	'''Chris''': ''([[DeathGlare just kind of looks at Doug]])''\
68	'''Doug''': ''(while everyone laughs)'' Wait, I got another--\
69	'''Baratunde Thurston and Jen Kirkman''': [[NoJustNoReaction No! NO]]!
70	* At the start of the March 25, 2015, episode, Thomas Lennon's Website/{{Wikipedia}} page is examined. In it, it states the March 25, 2015, episode of ''[=@Midnight=]'' revealed he often helps with "panic boners"... even though the episode ''was being filmed at that very moment''. Chris then challenges the audience to make a page describing what "panic boners" are. Later, when an emoji of a fist, a turtle and a grey skull. Lennon called it his family crest, representing "Family first. Ireland forever. Fuck turtles."
71	* One Live Challenge shows a cat condo that's shaped like the Titanic...as it's sinking. And it carries a price tag of $2000.
72	-->'''Chris''': IF YOU BUY THIS, F*CK YOU!
73	* The 4/20 episode had all sorts of regretful reminders that it's also the birthday of UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler. To which Chris enthusiastically reminds us, "NO CAKE FOR HITLER!"
74	** From that same episode, [=#420Regrets=]:
75	--->'''SteveAgee''': Letting the kids I was supposed to be babysitting drown--''(busts out laughing)''\
76	''(Audience laughs)''\
77	'''Chris''': ...\
78	'''Steve''': ''(pulls his hood up over his head)''\
79	'''Chris''': You can't be upset by that; [[SkewedPriorities who would let you babysit]]?!
80	* It's 11:59 and 59 seconds, and the opening segment gets completely [[OffTheRails derailed]] by relentless "My dick is like [[MonsterClown a clown]]" comparisons!
81	* On the heels of Independence Day weekend, the Hashtag Wars topic was [=#NothingMoreAmericanThan=]...
82	-->'''Pete Holmes''': Kraft Singles as napkins!\
83	'''Chris''': ''(stymieing laughter)'': Points.\
84	'''Bridgette Everett''': Martha Stewart shooting a bottle rocket out of her pussy on the hood of my brother's '67 Camaro...\
85	''(The crowd grows more riotous in their laughter)''\
86	'''Hannibal Buress''': ''(bent over with laughter)''\
87	'''Pete''': ''(biting his fist as he also laughs uncontrollably)''\
88	'''Chris''': ''(also bent over with laughter)'' [[BrainBleach OH, GOD! I'M PICTURING IT]]!
89	* On the Aug. 5, 2015 episode, they start off by showing stills of Music/LennyKravitz's WardrobeMalfunction, and were equally in awe and disgusted by the sight of Kravtiz' junk, [[spoiler:which is apparently pierced]], and get rather... distracted by their mockery of it.
90	* The July 2nd, 2015, episode features Pete Holmes getting on a fake political rant. He starts touching the other competitors' podiums to prove a point. Well, he ''tries'' - Hannibal Burress immediately stops him (he's on Holmes' far right) and Holmes cracks up and turns away.
91	* June 29, 2016: The final round is themed around a nurse who had delivered a resignation letter in [[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cake-resignation-notice_us_5773e395e4b0eb90355d0071 cake form]], so Chris declares that the employer had been "caked", complete with jingle music that apparently lasted a little longer than he thought it would. Said jingle is played ''almost every time cake is mentioned thereafter'', which quickly drives him nuts.
92	* January 11, 2017: Rhys Darby brings down [=#RuinAToy=] in two words: "Neo-Yahtzee."
93	* February 14, 2017: Based on a suggestion by Facebook users, Weird Al Yankovic's buzzer plays the "OOH WAH AH AH AH" wail from "[[Music/{{Disturbed}} Down With the Sickness]]"
94	** A few of the entries from last night's [=#RuinA90sSong=] get turned into an advertisement for a compilation of them, all sung by Lisa Loeb.
95	* February 15, 2017: Provoked by Drew Carey, Chris has to explain that his new NBC game show ''Series/TheWall'' is ''not'' a rip-off of Plinko on ''Series/ThePriceIsRight'' because [[OlderThanTheyThink Pachinko had been around much longer]].
96	** By far the main attraction of the night was a guest appearance by Creator/ChuckTingle, who began working on a brand new story during the show - ''Pounded By The Poll To Decide Which Tingler I Write'', with a preview read by '''''Creator/JohnDimaggio''''' in his [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} Bender]] voice.
97	* March 30, 2017: Chris compares Milana Vayntrub's outfits from [[GirlyGirl the previous night]] to [[HellBentForLeather tonight's]]: "Beginning-of-Film/{{Grease}}-Sandy...End-of-Film/{{Grease}}-Sandy."
98	* May 10, 2017: Michael Starr, Stix Zadinia and Lexxi Foxxx from ''Music/SteelPanther'' serve as the contestants. It's as hilarious as you expect.
99	* 2017 Mother's Day Special: Starts out with the Moms of Chris and the contestants:
100	-->'''Sharon Hills''': I'm Sharon Hills. I gave birth to Christopher Hardwick. Out of my ''vagina.''\
101	''bloodcurdling shriek from Chris off-camera''

Context Funny / AtMidnight