History WarpThatAesop / WebOriginal

*** The best way to get malware off a computer is to shoot the computer.

* ''WebAnimation/HelluvaBoss'': Emotionally manipulative, self-destructive assassins from Hell deserve all the happiness.

* ''WebVideo/BarneyBunch'': Being a depraved madman will get you what you want.

* Website/DeviantArt: Yellow aliens are fair game to mock.

* Website/GoAnimate:

* Website/YouTube:

** If you have a British accent and can talk really fast, your Website/YouTube video will get noticed immediately by a large company that will pay you tons of money to make videos. [[FollowTheLeader If you copy him]], it'll work for you too!

** [=rGrandpaJoeHate=]: Screw the eccentric {{jerkass}} who's funny candy factory probably has the world record for most [=OSHA=] violations, it's the main character's grandpa we should direct our hate towards!

** The overall response from critics equals WordOfGod. Anyone who disagrees is an idiot.
** That includes other movie reviewers. All critics should be a HiveMind that universally pan or praise movies. Anyone who disagrees ''clearly'' is either a hack or a troll.

*** The entirety of humanity is at fault for the environmental crisis (except for the CEOs that dump carbon emissions into the air or pour their tons of trash into the ocean, they're cool).

** If your art isn't fandom-related and has at least 1 fetish, no one will care to look at it.

* WebAnimation/JaidenAnimations: If you're a [[ChronicSelfDeprecation self-deprecating]] NervousWreck with an out-there thought process who lives in America, the one thing you should do is pretend these issues are normal and not try to fix them at all.

* Website/{{Reddit}}: Low karma and downvotes are a FateWorseThanDeath.

** [=rAntinatalism=]: Not wanting to drive your own species to extinction is morally inexcusable.

** [=rAutism=]: Autism is when you’re picky about spoon sizes.

** [=rCinemassacreTruth=]: Seeing your favorite show take a [[SeasonalRot drop in quality]] should be viewed with the same moral gravity as murder.

** [=rDecadeology=]: The best indicators of worldwide cultural shifts are not world events like the fall of the Soviet Union or the Iraq War, but things like the debut of a new game console or Cartoon Network changing their logo.

* Website/RottenTomatoes: The overall response from critics equals WordOfGod. Anyone who disagrees is an idiot.

** You should not watch or enjoy anything rated below 60 percent "fresh" on their site.
*** Actually, you might as well just quit the internet altogether if this happens. You'll NeverLiveItDown.

** According to this series antagonist, if you're a NiceGuy, you should be attacked thousands of times and have your pet dogs nearly stolen or nearly killed plenty of times in a persistent attempt at making an evil dog army because someone who is out to get you thinks TheHero is a bad guy.
** Don't protect your vulnerable pets from a [[KnightTemplar delusional]] villain, instead let them get captured multiple times and then blame someone else for refusing to actually protect them.

** We promote everything that UsefulNotes/CharlesDarwin stood for. Were you asleep in biology class when they taught you about his belief that HumansAreMorons?

* WebVideo/EpicRapBattlesOfHistory: Fictional characters such as [[Franchise/StarWars Darth Vader]] and the [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles Ninja Turtles]] count as historical figures, and were just as real as William Shakespeare or Albert Einstein. Weren't you paying attention in history class when they went over [[Series/DoctorWho The Doctor]]?

** Do not ever try to fix ''anything'' or do a new activity or hobby, or else you'll die a horrific death.

** The best way to punish your spouse for being selfish, bratty, and condescending is to cheat on her with someone else.

* WebVideo/StampysLovelyWorld: According to this series antagonist, if you're a NiceGuy, you should be attacked thousands of times and have your pet dogs nearly stolen or nearly killed plenty of times to make an evil dog army because someone who is out to get you thinks TheHero is a bad guy.

* WebVideo/StampysLovelyWorld: According to this series antagonist, if you're a NiceGuy, you should be attacked thousands of times and have your pet dogs nearly stolen or nearly killed plenty of times to make an evil dog army because you think TheHero is a bad guy.

** Transformation art: Do not ever wear cosplay gear unless you wish to be turned into a fictional character (especially if [[AlternateIdentityAmnesia you have your memories (at least temporarily) wiped out in favor of those of that character]]).