History Funny / TheBourneSeries

-->'''Marie''': Looks like you're not home.

-->'''Jason''': What happened? Did something go wrong?
-->'''Marie''': I got the records. This guy at the front desk was smiling at me and so I thought, all this trouble, [[MundaneSolution maybe it's just easier if I ask for them]]?
-->'''Jason''': You have the bill?
-->'''Marie''': He made me a photocopy.
-->'''Jason''': ''[completely baffled]'' You just ''asked'' for it?
-->'''Marie''': I said I was Mr. Kane's personal assistant. ''[shrugs]''
-->'''Jason''': Oh. ''[beat]'' Ok. Good thinking. ''[Marie laughs]''

-->'''Conklin''': Boy, great police work! Really brilliant! Why don't they just hang out a banner that says, "Don't come back!" Jesus Christ! What is the French word for "stakeout?"

-->'''Jason''': I'll sleep on the floor. ''[immediately hits the deck to Marie's surprise]''

* Also, Bourne calling Vosen [[spoiler:from his own office.]]
-->'''Bourne''': Where are you now?
-->'''Vosen''': I'm sitting in my office.
-->'''Bourne''': I doubt that.
-->'''Vosen''': And why would you doubt that?
-->'''Bourne''': If you were in your office right now, [[spoiler:we'd be having this conversation face-to-face]]. (''hangs up'')
-->'''Vosen''': (''OhCrap look'')

--> '''Landy''': No, see, that's the mistake people keep making. A) he's really good at staying alive, and B) trying to kill him and failing just pisses him off.

-->'''Marta''': What's your plan?
-->'''Aaron''': I'm going to wait until another person tries to kill you, then see if they can help me.

-->'''Marta''': Is that your name?
-->'''Aaron''': What? James? No! You don't know my name? What do you call me? What do you put on my blood work?
-->'''Marta''': Five.

-->'''Operator''': "What kind of weapon system is this guy operating?"
-->'''Mandy:''' "He's probably got a rifle."
-->'''Operator:''' [[AsideGlance (gives a confused look)]]
-->'''Byer''': "... It's a ''high-powered'' rifle."

** When Jason orders the cabbie to stop several blocks of the hotel, he throws him a stash of money for the trouble; when Jason and Marie leave the cab in the middle of the street, the cabbie yells after him "You gave me too much!" and says they forgot their change.

* When Jason and Marie go to the morgue to see the body of "John Michael Kane", they pay a staffer to get information, including learning that someone already came for Kane's body, until his boss comes in and demands them to leave, saying the morgue has rules and people have to sign in and out. Jason deadpans, "You're right, we didn't sign in" and goes for the registration page, shrugging off the protesting coroner ("No, it's ok, there's a pencil right here") before stiff-arming him and ripping out the page.

''"He drove off the roof!"''

* Also Bourne ringing Vosen [[spoiler:from his own office.]]

-->'''Vosen''': Why would you doubt that?
-->'''Bourne''': If you were in your office, [[spoiler:we'd be having this conversation face-to-face]]. (''hangs up'')

* When Jason and Marie go to the morgue to see the body of "John Michael Kane", they pay a staffer to get information until his boss comes in and demands them to leave, saying the morgue has rules and people have to sign in and out. Jason deadpans, "You're right, we didn't sign in" and goes for the registration page, shrugging off the protesting coroner ("No, it's ok, there's a pencil right here") before stiff-arming him and ripping out the page.

-->'''Marie''': I said I was Mr. Kane's personal assistant. ''[shrugs]]''
-->'''Jason''': Oh. ''[beat]'' Ok. Good thinking. ''[Marie laughs]]''

* Bourne and Marie spend a bunch of time forming a plan to get something, complete with codewords, specific instructions, and all the convoluted twists and turns you'd expect, especially given the layers of conspiracy and spycraft surrounding the series. In practice though she ends up getting what they need just by telling a friendly employee that she's someone's personal assistant. Bourne is left more or less saying "Oh... that's good" as if realizing how sometimes a simple plan works just as well as being Batman. It's one of the only funny scenes in the whole series and despite the fact that it might seem out of place, it does work really well.

* After the insane chase scene through Paris, Bourne parks the Mini very calmly in a garage and states matter-of-factly, "You can never come back to this car." The MoodWhiplash is hilarious.

[[index]]
* ''Funny/TheBourneUltimatum''
* ''Funny/TheBourneLegacy''
[[/index]]

* ''Funny/TheBourneIdentity''