History Funny / JohnnyEnglish

* Johnny pantsing the real Archbishop of Canterbury, believing that he's the fake, on ''live international televison''. The next scenes are of shocked murmurs from all witnessing... and the Australian farmers pissing themselves laughing.

** Special note is how EVERYONE viewing this display is staring in StunnedSilence... ''Except'' for the Australian farmers who are laughing their asses off.

-->'''Johnny:''' Do you not have tattooed on your bottom the words "Jesus is coming. Look busy."?!

* English saying [[MyHovercraftIsFullOfEels "May your daughters be born with small breasts!"]] when he's toasting Lorna [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Y6B_UKam0 at the Revolving Sushi restaurant]]. The subtitles incorrectly translated it as "three bottoms". To be fair, both of those body parts have a big part in British comedy.

--->'''English:''' ''[Slurred]'' Yeah! See, he knows, fliiibve! Look!

--->'''English:''' ''[Slurred]'' No, bugger off, it's mine!

--->'''Bough:''' "C", "C"? "A"? Uh, "car" take the car! We didn't come by car Sir, we came by plane...

--->'''Henchman:''' ''[Realizes what he's said]'' Oh hang on- ''[Bough pistol-whips him unconscious.]''

-->'''Pegasus''': Well, we need to get those jewels back, English, and fast! ''[[[BrickJoke English is momentarily distracted by the sight of Pegasus's secretary (who he accidentally tranquilized earlier) scooting past the doors outside in a wheelchair, glaring at him]].]'' Now tell me about this assailant. Because when they searched the room later, there was no sign of him.
-->'''Johnny English''': [[BlatantLies Well, the man was clearly a professional. He must have escaped while the Queen was being sedated.]]
-->'''Pegasus''': But he's the only lead we've got, English! We have to find him. ''[A man with a laptop walks into the room.]'' Oh, come in. This is-this is Roger from Data Support. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. So tell us, what did this man look like?
-->'''Johnny English''': Well, he was... big.
-->'''Roger''': Hair colour?
-->'''Johnny English''': Umm... ''[looks around the room for ideas and spots a fruit bowl]'' ...orange.
-->'''Pegasus''': ''[Skeptical]'' Orange?
-->'''Johnny English''': Mmh. And curly. Well, frizzy, actually. Frizzy sort of thing.
-->'''Roger''' ''[Writing down into his laptop]'' Frizzy.
-->'''Johnny English''': An eye patch. Broken nose. Very few teeth. Two, I would say at the most. And a scar on his cheek... in the shape... of a banana.
-->'''Roger''': Which cheek?
-->'''Johnny English''': Both cheeks. They sort of... met in the middle. ''[The profiler finishes creating the sketch, and hands the laptop to Pegasus.]''
-->'''Pegasus''': Are you sure about this, English?
-->''[With a ScareChord, we cut to the computer screen to see just what exactly Johnny's "description" has resulted in: a cross between a toothless pirate and a clown.]''
-->'''Johnny English''': ''[Pretending to sound surprised]'' Ah yes. That's him. An uncanny resemblance. Why, it's just as if he's in the room with us.

-->'''Archbishop:''' ''[Positively aghast]'' ''Are you insane?!"
** Even better is Sauvage's brief quizzical look to the Archbishop, as if to say ''"Wait, what? '''DO''' you have a tattoo on your butt? This is certainly news to me!"''

-->'''English:''' Bough, take flibve.
-->'''Bough:''' Take what Sir?
-->'''English:''' Flibve. Flibve!
-->'''Bough:''' I'm not quite getting that second word Sir?
-->'''English:''' Fliiibve!
-->'''Bough:''' ''[Handing English a pen]'' Write it down sir!
-->'''Henchman:''' Fliiibve!
-->'''English:''' ''[Slurred]'' Yeah! See, he knows, fliiibve! Look!
-->''[English tries and fails to write "five".]''
-->'''Bough:''' "C", "C"? "A"? Uh, "car" take the car! We didn't come by car Sir, we came by plane...
-->'''Henchman:''' ''[Slurred]'' Oh, gimme that pen!
-->'''English:''' ''[Slurred]'' No, bugger off, it's mine!

-->'''Henchman:''' Okay. Left by the water fountain, right by the fire exit, then to the elevator at the end.
-->'''Bough:''' Thank you.
-->'''Henchman:''' ''[Realizes what he's said]'' Oh hang on- ''[Bough pistol-whips him unconscious.]''

-->'''English:''' ''[Slurred]'' Yeah! See, he knows, fliiibve!

-->'''English:''' ''[Slurred]'' No bugger off, it's mine!

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FurW3BTcjw English accidentally mixes up his serum rings]], causing him to inject a guard in the hallway with truth serum, and himself and the henchman who was supposed to get the truth serum end up getting muscle relaxant. It would be funny if it wasn't so pupleeblbblb.

-->'''Johnny English:''' I think you'll find it's rather more than just in order, sir. You are now entering the most secure location in the whole of England. (''The most secure location in the whole of England explodes. Cue a very awkward dead silence, broken only by the mooing of a cow'')

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FurW3BTcjw English accidentally mixes up his serum rings]], causing him to inject a guard in the hallway with truth serum, and himself and the henchman who was supposed to get the truth serum end up getting muscle relaxant. It would be funny if it wasn’t so pupleeblbblb.

-->''[The man collapses onto Bough]''

** While Johnny is spasming on the floor, two more henchmen show up and prepare to shoot them...and are knocked out by Lorna with a fire extinguisher. She then gives an exasperated reaction of "What is it with you two?" before assisting Bough with getting Johnny to his feet.

-->'''Henchman:''' ''[realizes what he's said]'' Oh hang on-''[Bough pistol-whips him unconscious]''

* English saying [[MyHovercraftIsFullOfEels "May your daughters be born with small breasts"]] when he's toasting Lorna [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Y6B_UKam0 at the Revolving Sushi restaurant]]. The subtitles incorrectly translated it as "three bottoms". To be fair, both of those body parts have a big part in British comedy.

** "Don't come in Bough... The man is a maniaaaaa!!"
** From the look on his face, Bough knows it's a distraction job. Because you'd have to be an utter barn door to fall for those incredibly fake karate noises.

-->'''Pegasus''': Well, we need to get those jewels back, English, and fast! ''[[[BrickJoke English is momentarily distracted by the sight of Pegasus's secretary (who he accidentally tranquilized earlier) scooting past the doors outside in a wheelchair, glaring at him]]]'' Now tell me about this assailant. Because when they searched the room later, there was no sign of him.

-->'''Pegasus''': But he's the only lead we've got, English! We have to find him. ''[A man with a laptop walks into the room]'' Oh, come in. This is-this is Roger from Data Support. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. So tell us, what did this man look like?

-->'''Pegasus''': ''[skeptical]'' Orange?

-->'''Roger''' ''[writing down into his laptop]'' Frizzy.

-->'''Johnny English''': Both cheeks. They sort of...met in the middle. ''[The profiler finishes creating the sketch, and hands the laptop to Pegasus]''

-->''[With a ScareChord, we cut to the computer screen to see just what exactly Johnny's "description" has resulted in: a cross between a toothless pirate and a clown]''
-->'''Johnny English''': ''[pretending to sound surprised]'' Ah yes. That's him. An uncanny resemblance. Why, it's just as if he's in the room with us.

* Johnny hits off the ejector seat button for his car's passenger seat with his elbow at the end. With Lorna sat in it. Cue an AlmostKiss, and a CurseCutShort from Johnny.
* Johnny pantsing the real Archbishop of Canterbury, believing that he's the fake, on ''live international televison''.. The next scenes are of shocked murmurs from all witnessing... And the Australian farmers pissing themselves laughing.

-->[''beat'']
-->'''Archbishop:''' [''Positively aghast''] ''Are you insane?!"

** "Real tears! Do you get paid extra for that?"
** "...fwebib...fwebib..."
* After the parking garage fight, Johnny tells Bough, "You mustn't dwell on your mistakes. You learn from them, then move on." [[HypocriticalHumor This is coming from the guy who accidentally attacked his assistant (thinking he was an assailant), knocked out the head of Royal Security, nonchalantly paralyzed his boss's secretary, and picketed at an elderly man's funeral that he thought was a cover-up...]]

-->'''Johnny English:''' I think you'll find it's rather more than just in order, sir. You are now entering the most secure location in the whole of England. (The most secure location in the whole of England explodes. Cue a very awkward dead silence, broken only by the mooing of a cow)

-->'''Johnny English:''' I think you'll find it's rather more than just in order, Sir. You are now entering the most secure location in the whole of England. (The most secure location in the whole of England explodes. Followed by awkward dead silence, broken only by the mooing of a cow)

** Or when he tries to shoot Savaje as a way of TakingYouWithMe only for the gun to squirt out poop after he crawled through the sewers.

-->'''English:''' Yes I can see that, Bough.