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* When Ezio firsts interacts with the architect in the Villa Auditore who complains about not being a wizard and that he can't work without money we get this:
--> '''Ezio''': What if someone brought you money?
--> '''Architect''': Then we would have business. Ah, you must be Ser Ezio!
--> '''Ezio''': *yells* Uncle, I like this architetto!
--> '''Mario''': *from off-screne* He can be quite sharp when he smells money!
--> '''Ezio''': What if someone brought you money?
--> '''Architect''': Then we would have business. Ah, you must be Ser Ezio!
--> '''Ezio''': *yells* Uncle, I like this architetto!
--> '''Mario''': *from off-screne* He can be quite sharp when he smells money!
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-->'''Guard:''' ''(more annoyed than worried)'' Damn it, we're gonna get ''mierda'' from the guild for this!
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-->'''Guard:''' ''(more annoyed than worried)'' Damn it, we're gonna get ''mierda'' [[ForeignCussWord ''mierda'']] from the guild for this!this!
* Going pickpocketing people will often result in amusing reactions
-->'''Male Aristocrat:''' Figlio di puttana... I've been robbed! [[OhNoNotAgain AGAIN!]]
* Going pickpocketing people will often result in amusing reactions
-->'''Male Aristocrat:''' Figlio di puttana... I've been robbed! [[OhNoNotAgain AGAIN!]]
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* Some of the guard's reactions when they find a fellow dead body:
-->'''Guard:''' ''(more annoyed than worried)'' Damn it, we're gonna get ''mierda'' from the guild for this!
-->'''Guard:''' ''(more annoyed than worried)'' Damn it, we're gonna get ''mierda'' from the guild for this!
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* The minstrels. When they're running in front of you while trying to escape guards they're annoying, but if you stop to listen to them for a while, a combination of terrible singing voices, bad lyrics and rediculous accents makes them hilarious in a So Bad Its Good way.
to:
* The minstrels. When they're running in front of you while trying to escape guards they're annoying, but if you stop to listen to them for a while, a combination of terrible singing voices, bad lyrics and rediculous ridiculous accents makes them hilarious in a So Bad Its Good way.way.
* If Ezio hangs around long enough for the guards to discover the latest dead body, they'll start to question him about it. Simply [[ImplausibleDeniability standing there innocently]] and saying nothing (while incognito, anyways) will eventually prompt them to walk away, questioning your intelligence as they go...
-->'''Guard:''' Must be from Napoli. [[AcceptableTargets What idiots.]] [[TakeThat I mean, who would live next to a volcano?]]
* If Ezio hangs around long enough for the guards to discover the latest dead body, they'll start to question him about it. Simply [[ImplausibleDeniability standing there innocently]] and saying nothing (while incognito, anyways) will eventually prompt them to walk away, questioning your intelligence as they go...
-->'''Guard:''' Must be from Napoli. [[AcceptableTargets What idiots.]] [[TakeThat I mean, who would live next to a volcano?]]
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** Eventually you're tasked with rescuing her kidnapped children. Bianca seems to have inherited her mother's fiery personality spending her captivity yelling at her captors about how they don't have enough men to hold her and other things. Ottaviano, meanwhile, just whines about how he has to go to the bathroom much to Ludovico Orsi's annoyance. It's enough to almost make you feel bad for Ludovico. Almost.
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*The minstrels. When they're running in front of you while trying to escape guards they're annoying, but if you stop to listen to them for a while, a combination of terrible singing voices, bad lyrics and rediculous accents makes them hilarious in a So Bad Its Good way.
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* Shiv someone with the poisoned knife, then do the same to someone in the inevitable crowd that gathers. Instant mosh pit.
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* When Ezio gets his first assassin's blade, {{Leonardo|DaVinci}} brings up the fact that he'll have to remove his ring finger as a 'sacrifice'. Leonardo then grabs a large butcher's knife and bringing it down very close to said finger, before revealing that Altaïr had found a way to avoid the finger removal and that he'd just been amusing himself.
to:
* When Ezio gets his first assassin's blade, {{Leonardo|DaVinci}} brings up the fact that he'll have to remove his ring finger as a 'sacrifice'. Leonardo then grabs a large butcher's knife and bringing it down very close to said finger, before revealing that Altaïr had found a way to avoid the finger removal and [[{{Troll}} that he'd just been amusing himself.]]
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Changed line(s) 46 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Ezio:''' What, diarrhea got you stuck? Try leeches!
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-->'''Ezio:''' What, diarrhea Diarrhea got you stuck? Try leeches!
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* Ezio's taunts are rather amusing, but some against Brutes are downright hilarious.
to:
* All of Ezio's taunts are rather amusing, but some against Brutes are downright hilarious.hilarious:
Deleted line(s) 50 (click to see context) :
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* Ezio's taunts are rather amusing, but some against Brutes are downright hilarious.
-->'''Ezio:''' Can you see anything in there?
-->'''Ezio:''' What, diarrhea got you stuck? Try leeches!
-->'''Ezio:''' Fatti sotto, porco! (Come on, pig!)
-->'''Ezio:''' Come on, you fat pig!
-->'''Ezio:''' Well, you’re certainty well fed!
-->'''Ezio:''' Can you see anything in there?
-->'''Ezio:''' What, diarrhea got you stuck? Try leeches!
-->'''Ezio:''' Fatti sotto, porco! (Come on, pig!)
-->'''Ezio:''' Come on, you fat pig!
-->'''Ezio:''' Well, you’re certainty well fed!
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Changed line(s) 42,43 (click to see context) from:
* Leonardo warning Ezio about Caterina - while the woman in question [[http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110704152613/assassinscreed/images/6/68/Tutti_a_Bordo_13.png is giving the man who denied Ezio passage to Venice before the lecture of his life.]]
*** Actually, that's her husband, and the reason why she was stranded in a small rock in the middle of the lake(He dumped her from a boat). It's still pretty funny, seeing she's eating his ear out.
*** Actually, that's her husband, and the reason why she was stranded in a small rock in the middle of the lake(He dumped her from a boat). It's still pretty funny, seeing she's eating his ear out.
to:
* Leonardo warning Ezio about Caterina - while the woman in question [[http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110704152613/assassinscreed/images/6/68/Tutti_a_Bordo_13.png is giving the man who denied Ezio passage to Venice before the lecture of his life.]]
*** Actually, that'sberating her husband, and the reason why she was husband because he stranded in a small rock in the middle of the lake(He lake]] (he dumped her from a boat). It's still pretty funny, seeing she's eating his ear out.boat).
*** Actually, that's
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-->'''Ezio:''' ''(carrrrefully moving the point with his finger)'' ...Charmed.
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-->'''Ezio:''' ''(carrrrefully ''(carefully moving the point with his finger)'' ...Charmed.
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*** Actually, that's her husband, and the reason why she was stranded in a small rock in the middle of the lake(He dumped her from a boat). It's still pretty funny, seeing she's eating his ear out.
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* Bribing a herald to keep quiet about you for a moderate sum to lower your notoriety--and then stealing the entire bribe back the next second.
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----
to:
* Leonardo warning Ezio about Caterina - while the woman in question [[http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110704152613/assassinscreed/images/6/68/Tutti_a_Bordo_13.png is giving the man who denied Ezio passage to Venice before the lecture of his life.]]
----
----
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Deleted line(s) 42 (click to see context) :
* The bards with their silly lyrics and out of tune lute playing. Someone must've had a lot of fun writing that.
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* The bards with their silly lyrics and out of tune lute playing. Someone must've had a lot of fun writing that.
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Changed line(s) 37 (click to see context) from:
* After Ezio kills a guard who was beating Leonardo, he asks what he should do with the body. Leonardo's response is to take it inside and "put it with ''the others''". Granted, there turns out to be a reasonable explanation, but the line can still get you if you're not expecting it.
to:
* After Ezio kills a guard who was beating Leonardo, he asks what he should do with the body. Leonardo's response is to take it inside and "put it with ''the others''". Granted, there turns out to be a reasonable explanation, but the line can still get you if you're not expecting it.it, and Ezio and the audience have pretty much the exact same reaction.
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Changed line(s) 38 (click to see context) from:
* When Desmond views the memory of Altair chasing Maria, he makes a...disturbing realization.
to:
* When Desmond views the memory of Altair chasing Maria, he makes a...a disturbing realization.
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-->'''Desmond:''' Wait a second...Why aren't I following Altair? I'm stuck here with Maria. Oh shit! That must mean...
to:
-->'''Desmond:''' Wait a second...Why aren't I following Altair? I'm stuck here with Maria. Oh shit! That must mean... [[note]]i.e. he just witnessed his own ancestor's conception[[/note]]
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* Somebody was having fun writing Caterina Sforza's speech taunting her children's kidnappers, which gets more obscene, more gruesome and more hilarious as she builds up steam.
to:
* Somebody was having fun writing Caterina Sforza's speech taunting her children's kidnappers, which gets more obscene, more gruesome and more hilarious as she builds up steam. The best part is that when she really hits her stride, the Animus just gives up and stops translating. Not that it matters if you understand Italian or not; her tone gets the point across beautifully.
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Changed line(s) 10 (click to see context) from:
* [GainaxEnding "What. The. Fuck."]]
to:
* [GainaxEnding [[GainaxEnding "What. The. Fuck."]]
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Changed line(s) 8 (click to see context) from:
* "It's a-me, Mario!"
to:
* [[OneMarioLimit "It's a-me, Mario!"Mario!"]]
Changed line(s) 10 (click to see context) from:
* "What. The. Fuck."
to:
* [GainaxEnding "What. The. Fuck.""]]
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Changed line(s) 26,27 (click to see context) from:
* Ezio, during the Nightcap mission early on in the game, makes a late-night calling to one of his many girlfriends, Christina. When she invites him in through her bedroom window, we are treated to this exchange:
-->'''Christina:''' Only for a minute.
-->'''Christina:''' Only for a minute.
to:
* Ezio, during the Nightcap mission early on in the game, makes a late-night calling to one of his many girlfriends, Christina.Cristina. When she invites him in through her bedroom window, we are treated to this exchange:
-->'''Christina:''' -->'''Cristina:''' Only for a minute.
Changed line(s) 29 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Christina:''' Mmm, indeed.
to:
Changed line(s) 31 (click to see context) from:
** As part of the tutorial, the player is introduced to fleeing from enemies when Ezio and Christina are caught by her father. As Ezio runs for his life, he desperately pleads for mercy, claiming that it's NotWhatItLooksLike ([[BlatantLies even though it most certainly was]]), including this gem:
to:
** As part of the tutorial, the player is introduced to fleeing from enemies when Ezio and Christina Cristina are caught by her father. As Ezio runs for his life, he desperately pleads for mercy, claiming that it's NotWhatItLooksLike ([[BlatantLies even though it most certainly was]]), including this gem:
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-->'''Minstrel (if jostled into dropping his instrument):''' But, but I love you, noble one!
-->'''Female NPC (when frightened by a death and running away):''' The Lord is my shepherd! ''THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD!''
-->'''Female NPC (when frightened by a death and running away):''' The Lord is my shepherd! ''THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD!''
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** What really sells if for this troper was the expression on Ezio's face and the tone of voice he used when he said the last line. It's like listening to a 15 year old telling his mother to shut up when she talks about embarrassing stories to his girlfriend.
to:
** What really sells if for this troper was it is the expression on Ezio's face and the tone of voice he used uses when he said says the last line. It's like listening to a 15 year old telling his mother to shut up when she talks about embarrassing stories to his girlfriend.
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** What really sells if for this troper was the expression on Ezio's face and the tone of voice he used when he said the last line. It's like listening to a 15 year old telling his mother to shut up when she talks about embarrassing stories to his girlfriend.
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* Jerking the NPCs around can result in funny dialogue:
to:
* Jerking the NPCs [=NPCs=] around can result in funny dialogue:
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Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
* Ezio has a rare moment of embaressment when discussing his 'self-exression' with ''his own mother'':
to:
* Ezio has a rare moment of embaressment embarrassment when discussing his 'self-exression' 'self-expression' with ''his own mother'':
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* When Desmond views the memory of Altair chasing Maria, he makes a...disturbing realization.
-->'''Desmond:''' Wonder what he wants with her... ''Altair and Maria start kissing''
-->'''Desmond:''' Whoa...Alright, wasn't expecting that... ''Cut to Altair and Maria on the floor, with Altair jumping off the tower''
-->'''Desmond:''' Wait a second...Why aren't I following Altair? I'm stuck here with Maria. Oh shit! That must mean...
-->'''Desmond:''' Wonder what he wants with her... ''Altair and Maria start kissing''
-->'''Desmond:''' Whoa...Alright, wasn't expecting that... ''Cut to Altair and Maria on the floor, with Altair jumping off the tower''
-->'''Desmond:''' Wait a second...Why aren't I following Altair? I'm stuck here with Maria. Oh shit! That must mean...
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* Ezio has a rare moment of embaressment when discussing his 'self-exression' with ''his own mother'':
-->'''Ezio:''' I have plenty of outlets!
-->'''Maria:''' I meant besides ''vaginas''.
-->'''Ezio:''' Mother!
* Any cutscene with Ezio and the prostitutes is guaranteed to cause chuckles.
* "I've always had a soft spot for women in distress."
* "It's a-me, Mario!"
* When Ezio gets his first assassin's blade, {{Leonardo|DaVinci}} brings up the fact that he'll have to remove his ring finger as a 'sacrifice'. Leonardo then grabs a large butcher's knife and bringing it down very close to said finger, before revealing that Altaïr had found a way to avoid the finger removal and that he'd just been amusing himself.
* "What. The. Fuck."
* One of the Assassin's Tombs lets you eavesdrop on a pair of guards, one of them given to incredibly paranoid ramblings, much to the other's annoyance.
* After pestering Shaun Hasting for conversation, he eventually runs out of dialogue, and just starts greeting the player with "Hello, Desmond. Go away."
* Somebody was having fun writing Caterina Sforza's speech taunting her children's kidnappers, which gets more obscene, more gruesome and more hilarious as she builds up steam.
** It should be noted that most of that speech was real - as in, something she actually said during a siege, obscenities and all.
*** Watch it in all its hammy glory [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R4PoofP4bw here]] (the good stuff starts at 7:35).
** On a related note, Shaun refers to Caterina as a "lunatic warrior mother".
** One of the best moments is when she yells "Go ahead, take my children! I have the instrument to make more!" and then ''flashes the Orsi brothers''. And the best part is that [[TruthInTelevision she actually did this!]]
* Earlier, Machiavelli informs Ezio that Caterina's husband was working for the Templars, to which Ezio says "I'm sorry to hear that." The funny part is Caterina airily replying that he shouldn't be because she had him killed. There's audible terror in Ezio's voice as he replies.
* Bartolomeo, BoisterousBruiser and LargeHam, whose speech in prison is nearly as funny as Caterina's. Other moments of his include being unsure whether to kiss Ezio for freeing him or slap him for taking so long about it (neither option enthuses Ezio), rampaging through the streets of Venice beating guards to death with a broom and bellowing about his need to smash heads, and introducing Ezio to his [[{{BFS}} gigantic sword]], [[ICallItVera Bianca]], by pointing it directly at Ezio's nose.
-->'''Bartolomeo:''' Ezio, meet Bianca. Bianca, Ezio!
-->'''Ezio:''' ''(carrrrefully moving the point with his finger)'' ...Charmed.
** The "meeting" with Bianca is later [[ShoutOut recalled]] in ''Brotherhood'', when Bartolomeo calls for his wife and Ezio asks, "Did you check behind the table?" To Ezio's surprise, this time around the wife is an actual live human woman.
* Each and every time Ezio uses a springboard in Oltrarno District.
* The occasional news from the heralds include a bunch of youngsters [[{{Mooning}} baring their posteriors]].
** They also mention how people have started climbing buildings for sport (including Ezio), and say that though it isn't illegal, it's all fun and games until somebody breaks a leg...
* Ezio, during the Nightcap mission early on in the game, makes a late-night calling to one of his many girlfriends, Christina. When she invites him in through her bedroom window, we are treated to this exchange:
-->'''Christina:''' Only for a minute.
-->'''Ezio:''' A minute is all I need!
-->'''Christina:''' Mmm, indeed.
-->'''Ezio:''' Wait, that came out wrong...
** As part of the tutorial, the player is introduced to fleeing from enemies when Ezio and Christina are caught by her father. As Ezio runs for his life, he desperately pleads for mercy, claiming that it's NotWhatItLooksLike ([[BlatantLies even though it most certainly was]]), including this gem:
-->'''Ezio:''' I'm ''mostly'' innocent!
* Jerking the NPCs around can result in funny dialogue:
-->'''Minstrel (while being grabbed):''' Let go of me! You have no appreciation for the arts!
* After Ezio kills a guard who was beating Leonardo, he asks what he should do with the body. Leonardo's response is to take it inside and "put it with ''the others''". Granted, there turns out to be a reasonable explanation, but the line can still get you if you're not expecting it.
----
-->'''Ezio:''' I have plenty of outlets!
-->'''Maria:''' I meant besides ''vaginas''.
-->'''Ezio:''' Mother!
* Any cutscene with Ezio and the prostitutes is guaranteed to cause chuckles.
* "I've always had a soft spot for women in distress."
* "It's a-me, Mario!"
* When Ezio gets his first assassin's blade, {{Leonardo|DaVinci}} brings up the fact that he'll have to remove his ring finger as a 'sacrifice'. Leonardo then grabs a large butcher's knife and bringing it down very close to said finger, before revealing that Altaïr had found a way to avoid the finger removal and that he'd just been amusing himself.
* "What. The. Fuck."
* One of the Assassin's Tombs lets you eavesdrop on a pair of guards, one of them given to incredibly paranoid ramblings, much to the other's annoyance.
* After pestering Shaun Hasting for conversation, he eventually runs out of dialogue, and just starts greeting the player with "Hello, Desmond. Go away."
* Somebody was having fun writing Caterina Sforza's speech taunting her children's kidnappers, which gets more obscene, more gruesome and more hilarious as she builds up steam.
** It should be noted that most of that speech was real - as in, something she actually said during a siege, obscenities and all.
*** Watch it in all its hammy glory [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R4PoofP4bw here]] (the good stuff starts at 7:35).
** On a related note, Shaun refers to Caterina as a "lunatic warrior mother".
** One of the best moments is when she yells "Go ahead, take my children! I have the instrument to make more!" and then ''flashes the Orsi brothers''. And the best part is that [[TruthInTelevision she actually did this!]]
* Earlier, Machiavelli informs Ezio that Caterina's husband was working for the Templars, to which Ezio says "I'm sorry to hear that." The funny part is Caterina airily replying that he shouldn't be because she had him killed. There's audible terror in Ezio's voice as he replies.
* Bartolomeo, BoisterousBruiser and LargeHam, whose speech in prison is nearly as funny as Caterina's. Other moments of his include being unsure whether to kiss Ezio for freeing him or slap him for taking so long about it (neither option enthuses Ezio), rampaging through the streets of Venice beating guards to death with a broom and bellowing about his need to smash heads, and introducing Ezio to his [[{{BFS}} gigantic sword]], [[ICallItVera Bianca]], by pointing it directly at Ezio's nose.
-->'''Bartolomeo:''' Ezio, meet Bianca. Bianca, Ezio!
-->'''Ezio:''' ''(carrrrefully moving the point with his finger)'' ...Charmed.
** The "meeting" with Bianca is later [[ShoutOut recalled]] in ''Brotherhood'', when Bartolomeo calls for his wife and Ezio asks, "Did you check behind the table?" To Ezio's surprise, this time around the wife is an actual live human woman.
* Each and every time Ezio uses a springboard in Oltrarno District.
* The occasional news from the heralds include a bunch of youngsters [[{{Mooning}} baring their posteriors]].
** They also mention how people have started climbing buildings for sport (including Ezio), and say that though it isn't illegal, it's all fun and games until somebody breaks a leg...
* Ezio, during the Nightcap mission early on in the game, makes a late-night calling to one of his many girlfriends, Christina. When she invites him in through her bedroom window, we are treated to this exchange:
-->'''Christina:''' Only for a minute.
-->'''Ezio:''' A minute is all I need!
-->'''Christina:''' Mmm, indeed.
-->'''Ezio:''' Wait, that came out wrong...
** As part of the tutorial, the player is introduced to fleeing from enemies when Ezio and Christina are caught by her father. As Ezio runs for his life, he desperately pleads for mercy, claiming that it's NotWhatItLooksLike ([[BlatantLies even though it most certainly was]]), including this gem:
-->'''Ezio:''' I'm ''mostly'' innocent!
* Jerking the NPCs around can result in funny dialogue:
-->'''Minstrel (while being grabbed):''' Let go of me! You have no appreciation for the arts!
* After Ezio kills a guard who was beating Leonardo, he asks what he should do with the body. Leonardo's response is to take it inside and "put it with ''the others''". Granted, there turns out to be a reasonable explanation, but the line can still get you if you're not expecting it.
----
