Because I loathe this game. Utterly, utterly, loathe it. Hated every stupid, cheesy, time wasting, audience insulting, moment of it! And the worst part is I wanted to love this game. I wanted to be part of the cult following, to be part of a tight knit community, to prove that I'm a real gamer, and that I don't need all these modern conveniences that today's games have. Now I want to inject Krocodil into my brain to forget this game even exists. The game deliberately wastes your time, keeping bonfires (checkpoints) over half an hour of gameplay a part. That is bullshit. There is no reason for checkpoints to be that far apart, and is one of the most egregious examples of Fake Difficulty the game possesses. When I get killed because of some trap or swarm of enemies that I had no real ability to expect without pre-cognition, I get angry. I get angry because that means I'd have to fight through the last dozen dirty tricks to make up for lost time, only to get killed again in the next area. My time is not infinite, I have places to go, jobs to do, attractive young ladies to seduce, and I don't have the time or patience to take the excruciatingly slow pace the game has. When I try to hurry things along because I want to see what the next boss looks like, I get punked out by undead pikemen or big fuck-off knights. And to top it all off the game is BOOOOOOOOR-ING. Everything looks so dull! I have no idea where to go, what I'm supposed to be doing here, what the hell is going on, why there's a giant toothy vagina dragon (that I haven't gotten to, but looks badass), or what the chuffing hell any of these things in my inventory do? Dark Souls is hard, but it's the wrong kind of hard. A good hard game would have the difficulty come naturally, ramping up gradually over the course of the game. A bad hard game would go out of it's way to infuriate the player, waste their time and laugh at them while doing it. When I pass an area I should not be feeling shame over having spend an hour and a half trying to beat it. I should not feel miserable while playing a game.
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