Romance

Just as my girlfriend was finishing getting her things together, my two best women-friends-who-I-would've-dated-if-that-had-worked-out started messaging me on Facebook at the same time, so my phone pinged like 20 times while I was seeing off my girlfriend. -_-

X4 Best advise I can give is to get some money together and invest is seeing a professional about your anxiety issues, because they are much more likely to cause problem in a health relationship than well managed long distance.

I’m kinda glad I missed the boat on online relationships, long distance was difficult enough for one year while my girlfriend did study abroad.

So I've been exchanging messages with a girl over KIK and it's got to the point where we're discussing meeting up, she's in a city a few miles from my town and she's from a nearby town. She's quite beautiful and I'm 95% certain she's not a catfish. So yeah, things are going well on my end.

Well, I'm gonna try pushing myself to do things and go out more by looking into nearby events that might be happening around my area.

Problem is, however, I'm too worried about getting into an embarrassing situation or creeping someone out (not helping is my cripplingly low self-esteem). I also have this tendency to worry if the person I'm dating has very different tastes from me, because I feel like I am very opinionated myself.

I'm not sure if I'm too nervous about it or if I'm just cautious about this...

So I’m 20 now & still alone on Valentine’s Day. Yaaaay.

I'm 27 years old, still single and fine with it. Its OK to be sad and alone during this time of year. Just don't wallow in the misery. Remember that you are single but, at the same time, you have time to do things while you're single. You can be a strong independent person and no one will judge you for that. If anyone does rag you for being single, eff em, they don't know what they're saying, just putting you down for their problems that they're avoiding.

Just be happy with who you are, don't worry about it. Eventually that person, that special person will come, like how you are and that'll make this day very special for both of you.

So, any other chumps out there who believe in true love?

Of course, I don't believe in soulmates, and that some people are better off alone because they are either asexual or terrible people. And of course, it's personal experience that leads me to believe in true love.

I mean asexual people can still get into romantic relations :P

The word you're looking for is "aromantic" and some aromantic people still end up in relationships, depending on the relationship and type of aromanticism.

Just like last year, I'm spending my Valentine's Day dealing with a family medical crisis. About a month ago, my mother had to be rushed to the hospital for severe stomach pains and vomiting. She ended up needing her gall bladder removed, but shortly after the surgery, there was a brief moment when she stopped breathing and needed CPR to get her breathing again. She is now in a rehab facility to regain her strength after having been bedridden for so long. She's not out of the woods yet, but she's at least out of the hospital.

Meanwhile, I'm facing the first real test of my independent living skills, but I've managed to hold down the fort quite well as far as laundry, dishes, and check-writing for utility bills goes. The one area I'd say needs improvement is cooking. There aren't that many things I know how to cook, and I think I'm getting a bit fatter from eating so much take-out and microwavable food. But other than that, It feels good to be defying the Basement-Dweller stereotype adults who live with a parent have to deal with.

@Mr Ahr: What kind of relationship? A friends with benefits one, because that's the only type of relationship I can imagine an aromantic person in.

@Lightblade: Hope things turn out alright.

edited 14th Feb '18 4:00:44 PM by Grafite

I do.

Grafite: Well, some people are gray or demiromantic, which means that they might experience romantic feelings after a longer period of time, or might feel it more minorly or rarely.

Additionally they might be in a relationship that is fwb, yes, or they might just have a platonic friend they intend to spend the rest of their lives with in coexistence, doing all the normal things like living together and sharing money and what not.

I'm on the aromantic spectrum and I'm married lol.

Queer Platonic Relationships, or QPRs, are basically committed platonic friendships, but with a special word because our culture doesn't take platonic friendships seriously without the special word.

I, for once, wasn't drunk as hell while being single on Valentine's Day - I was high on pain meds for a kidney stone. And managed to make it to work the next day, also on pain meds. Made sure I didn't take em until I got to work, and that they wore off before I drove home.

Valentine's went okay for me for the first time since. . .ever.

A girl I like was *really* down that day so I managed to quietly send her some candy and trinkets. She knew I was the one who sent them and seemed rather cheered up, so there's a plus.

She's a pretty good friend. Probably my best if you get down to it. I quite like her and we share a load of common interests, (and she probably knows I like her too if I'm interpreting her correctly) but I've been kinda tip-toeing around it. She's been through hell in her past, and is still going through hell with a lot of stuff, and I don't want to potentially risk our frienship over it.

Last year my best friend was kinda down and I offered her a big night of watching cartoons together without bringing up that it was Valentine's Day.

This year I have a girlfriend and I spent a few hours with her in the gap between when I got off work and she had to go to work, but my best friend also sent me a belated handmade friendship card.

Something that makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration is how I perceive romance. I feel easily attracted^note Not sexual attraction, I'm asexual to people just for being kind to me. I suspect others have a crush on me simply when they're really gentle and caring to me, when it's just basic kindness, really. It sucks and I want it to stop, especially 'cause I'm too much of an unstable and violent person to ever work properly in a relationship.

In other words, I wish I was aromantic. Except I can't because I'm someone crazily desperate for romance.

edited 22nd Feb '18 5:36:02 PM by Minmus

I'll form minor limerances on people who are friendly to me and I see often. I might let that grow into more if I think it means anything and we spend a lot of time together. But then I run into a wall of "I need intimate knowledge of this person's personality" before I become seriously attached.

I wish I could have the same stance as you, but noooooo... My brain has other ideas, and I'm just sitting here fully aware of how destructive this behaviour is, but totally unable to stop it.

Having a brain with a mind of its own sucks.

Of course, once I make that attachment, it seems like the only thing that I can do to dilute it when it's not actually appropriate is find someone else to direct that energy toward.

And now I've been dating someone for almost two months because she had a crush on me without even talking to me and I agreed to see where this would go, and I'm only just now starting to feel like she's someone I could bond with like that.

So I met a girl last night who was very excited to get to know me. Wish me luck!

I don't have any.

It's probably my fault.

-gives you some luck-

Thank you!

Any time.

You'll do fine.