We try to kill SCP-682

Result: The Cylons decide to avoid contact with SCP-682 because they aren't suicidal. They've already heard of it from human intel. 682 chuckles and states "you really think you can use me to solve your own problems? Heh...who do you think gave them the intel? I'll deal with them once I've dealt with the vermin you call yourselves and the biosphere"

Test: Let's try something from Rick and Morty

• Me: Mr Meeseeks?
• Mr Meeseeks: I'm Mr Meeseeks, look at me!
• Me: Mr Meeseeks, you cannot be destroyed unless you have fufilled your single purpose, am I right?
• Mr Meeseeks: EXISTENCE IS PAIN...I mean yes, Mr Meeseeks can do!
• Me: Permanently kill SCP-682
• Mr Meeseeks: CAN DO!

Result: Meeseeks took too long, and as a result, went crazy and committed seppuku.

Test: Trick SCP-682 into betting his life with the Devil. If he doesn't die, he'll most likely have to fight bosses to get contracts. Surely one of those bosses will kill him. If not, then the Devil will just do it directly.

Result: SCP-682 is the devil... (very short result)

Test: There's no point in trying to kill it, so we should just worship it as our new eternal lord. Those who attempt to redact or deny this test will be shot.

Result: Redacted by O-5 for trying to do such a stupid thing. In addition, they give you 682 duty. Stripped of everything. In layman's terms, you are dead because you were dumb.

Test: lock 682 behind a metal door, in maximum prison. leave it be for 786384638 years.

Result: Geez, man, IT IS ALREADY IN ONE! Sheesh!

Test: Chuck it into CW Cville. Please? Can we just find an alternate reality which contains CW Cville and throw it in there? And just leave it?

Result: Failure. SCP-682 tore its way through the alternate universes until it returned to our universe.

Test: You know what, we should just dump toxic acid on it, drop an aircraft carrier on it, summon HowToBasic to do weird things with it, and then fire it out of a cannon into the sun. And then tear it into a million pieces and throw each one into the Darvaza Gas Crater.

edited 11th Oct '17 2:59:47 PM by MrOrangeHorseman

Result: Howtobasic was dragged through the facility, through the exit, through the fields, through the water, through the mines, into a dark house and was never seen again.

Test: END THIS REALITY, SCP-682 IS A CREATION OF THE GODS TO KEEP US AT BAY, IT CANNOT DIE UNLESS WE DESTROY IT ALL!

Result: The above was fed to SCP-682 instead. We are trying to kill SCP-682 to prevent the end of the world, destroying it would defeat the purpose

Test: Put SCP-682 into a Lotus-Eater Machine so it thinks it succeeded at terminating every living thing

Result: SCP-682 somehow adapted to this and the dream became reality. All creatures are dying quickly, reset button pushed.

Test: Use a lucid dream controller on SCP-682 and set the power to MAX. If it stays above 70, he cannot be woke. (A dream he controls) Leave it to the imaginary SCP Foundation Members to stop him.

edited 15th Oct '17 8:19:26 AM by LeveNuke

Result: After 4 months of sleep, 682 wakes up and breaches the containment. 102 casulties are reported.

Test: Airdrop 682 to the desert and drop a lot of bombs with SCP-2350 on it. A memetic device will be played immediately after the bombs are landed.

Personnel are to wear earplugs for protection against 2350's effects.

Lets what 682 is gonna do when he sees a thousands of mosquitoes. - Dr. Garnet

What manner of meme will the device be equipped with?

Cassette Tape

@ Level Nuke: Why would it adapt to that, it only adapts to protect itself and we're not harming the creature by putting it in a Lotus-Eater Machine

Don't question it, the logic we've been running at NOTHING makes sense.

Yeah, but we should at least act like it does.

Result: SCP-682 vanished into a swarm of mosquitoes. However annoying they were, however, there was little damage they could inflict that would be lethal to a creature it's size.

Test: Using SCP-███, transport SCP-682 to another universe (designate UOE-1; as per a similar test previously conducted, this universe should be confirmed to be void of life (or anything else sans a suitable place for the deployment of relevant equipment). Accompanying SCP-682 should be MTF-Red Right Hand. Upon realizing the goal of this operation, Under-Secretary-General D.C. al Fine has equipped the members of Red Right Hand with exoskeletal armor created by the refinement of [REDACTED] that has been proven capable to allow one to keep up with and even somewhat harm SCP-682, however briefly.

Upon entering said UOE-1 via a spacetime portal (prior to the introduction of SCP-682), we are to construct Site-682-1, a miniature site wholly devoted to the containment and execution of SCP-682. Facilities include walls reinforced with a quantum foam-steel alloy, various mazes, cognito and infohazards made to suggest a nonexistent exit to the facility, and SCP-743. Once SCP-682 is introduced and contained, we will, by way [REDACTED], introduce an extremely high amount of dark energy into UOE-1. Once this process begins, we are to evacuate UOE-1 (while leaving SCP-682 inside and destroying the entrance) and use [DATA EXPUNGED], a Foundation made device capable of generating specialized signals that can work between realities, to instruct the dark energy to enact the cosmic doomsday scenario known as the Big Rip, where the expansion of UOE-1 suddenly accelerates to extreme levels and grows to such power that it overwhelms the gravitational, electromagnetic, and weak nuclear forces; this will result in the destruction of UOE-1 and SCP-682 via having the subatomic particles composing it’s body no longer exist.

Result: Success! Unfortunately, since what happened must happen once again, the reset button was pushed over an incident involving a taco or something (Look into when I pacified SCP-682 with the "soul of an angel" test)

Test: Use imperio to make SCP-682 tell us how to kill it, if this fails, use avada kevadra. "AVADA KEVADRA" -Overexcited O5-9, Leve Nuke

Result: We dueled with 682, for 30 minutes, before he used Piscifors and turned us all in to fish.

Test: Have SCP-682, SCP-173, SCP-096, and SCP-607, reenact the whole history of The Beatles, complete with John Lennon (682)'s death.

edited 2nd Nov '17 5:25:46 PM by Hydraloonie

Result: Denied, denied, denied. That's known as suicide. That's on par with the idea to stick a picture of SCP-096 onto SCP-173 and expose it to SCP-682. That's a stupid idea, and you should feel awful about it.

New test proposal: Ask the witch girl to "cast a spell" and make it disappear, as in died.

Result: Partial success. SCP-682's life signs ceased after the spell was performed, and its corpse vanished. Unfortunately, an invisible undead 682 breeched containment twenty-one minutes later. SCP-682 was recaptured with a loss of 42 D-class personnel.

Test: Feed it bacon. Bacon is awesome, but too much will clog your arteries. Maybe we can induce a heart attack in SCP-682. Or get it addicted to bacon.

edited 3rd Nov '17 2:33:30 AM by WillDeRegio

Result: "BACONNNNNNNN" -SCP-682 It was obvious bacon would not give SCP-682 a heart attack...

Test: SCP-682 is obviously godmodding, lets block him.

Result: We managed to successfully block SCP-682 from existence, but he created a sockpuppet account.

Test: Let's IP ban SCP-682.

RESULTS:

One: SCP-682 doesn't use the internet.

Two: This somehow made SCP-682 mad enough to breach containment.

Three: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

TEST: Say 'Nee' to SCP-682.

"Maybe we should try saying "It" to it instead? -Researcher Monty.

edited 12th Dec '17 6:03:39 PM by Jaxfirebus

Result: "Nee." -D #3587 "What was this supposed to do again?" -Leve Nuke

Test: Reset until a temporal anomaly causes SCP-682 not to exist

Result: A temporal anomaly was created, but it did not kill SCP-682. It instead caused a Time Crash that erased Atlantis from history. While a temporal anomaly could be created that would destroy SCP-682, it's not worth the risk to the world falling apart from abusing the reset

Test: Pull a reverse Rick and Morty and transport every human being on the planet to a parallel universe. One where its history was exactly the same until twenty minutes ago where an experiment that destroyed SCP-682 also caused every human being to disintegrate, with no damage to infrastructure or the rest of the ecosystem. Make sure that only humans can go through this transport

Result: After trying, we realised that it had failed to kill SCP-682 here as well. It appears said anomaly backfired here and resulted in SCP-682 cloning into its own army. This universe is to be sealed for all time.

Test: We drown it. In acid. Just try cutting off its oxygen supply.