We try to kill SCP-682

Result: [DATA EXPUNGED]. All you need to know is that the ensuing battle tore open the fabric of time/space/reality itself, which almost destroyed our world, resulting in the timeline being reverted yet again.

Test: Trick SCP-682 into talking about ●●|●●●●●|●●|●, AKA that mysterious black specter being who must never be mention— OH CRAP!

edited 1st Jul '17 4:16:57 PM by AHI-3000

Result: Failure, the SCP that shall not be mentioned was too afraid to take it. There was a silver lining though, as we now know the "can only be safely described in pictures" monster isn't immortal and can be destroyed

Test: Slow time in SCP-682's chamber to such a crawl that once it escapes a billion years will have passed, when Earth is a desert where only microbes still exist and humanity is long gone

Result: Failure. The only we were able of doing this was by a doctor trying to replicate the stop-clock's effect from the Japanese game Doki Doki Panic/Super Mario Bros 2 for the USA by sending a stopwatch through SCP-914, but research shows that any attempts to wind the watch up in some way to enable slowdown would result with it breaking, mainly due to the fact that trying to wind up a stopwatch past a certain point is a surefire way to break it.

Test: Show him the entire series of Family Guy to get him too depressed to the point he'll kill himself.

edited 2nd Jul '17 2:37:26 PM by kingvideogames

Result: Failure. While Family Guy did make 682 contemplate suicide, his Netflix recommended American Dad to him, which he loved. He also ate someone, probably.

Test: Craig Ray, local rodeo clown, will attempt to ride 682 like a bull. Because we're willing to try anything now.

Result: . . .Success? He was able to ride it and it was a good show but it did not kill or even harm SCP-682.

Test: brainwash 682 and then send him as far into SCP-833 as possible.

edited 6th Jul '17 12:10:51 PM by vjoi

Result: The mutant bees (plus other animals) negotiated with SCP-682 and they flew him back out. Not only is SCP-682 not dead, but we now have an infestation of mutant bees (plus other animals). So, massive fail.

Test: We put SCP-682 on an episode of SCP-2030.

Result: Failure. We have yet to even pinpoint the point of origin where the show is filmed at, making all efforts to relocate SCP-682 fail before even beginning. And even than, SCP-682's regenerative properties would ensure that he becomes a recurring character on the show, and the last thing we need is to give him a stable source of income.

Test: Have SCP-682 play online multiplayer games with nefarious toxic communities to make his blood boil so much that it literally burns his body from the inside out.

Result: Failure. It's blood did boil, but it regenerated quickly.

Test: Order a "Cup of explodium", a "cup of dear god no", and a "cup of SCP-001" from SCP-294, mix them together, put it into SCP-914 on the "Very Fine" setting, and give it to SCP-682.

Result: Failure to complete test; recieved multiple "OUT OF RANGE" errors from SCP-294.

Test: Beat SCP-682 to death with pool noodles.

Result: Remarkably, success. For one nanosecond.

Test: Order a "Cup of explodium" and a "cup of dear god no" from SCP-294, mix them together, put it into SCP-914 on the "Very Fine" setting, and give it to SCP-682. (And yes, the cup of explodium and cup of dear god no actually work, according to the List of things Dr. Bright is not allowed to do at the foundation.)

RESULT:Cancelled!

"Mr. Reigo, what you've just suggested is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your illogical, incoherent test were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." -05

Test 2:failed when the D-Class ordered the "cup of explodium" he tried to hit the machine to try and break it in an attempt cause coins to fall into the coin return chamber. instead it caused the explodium to well explode'.

"Never underestimate the lack on intellange that belongs to the average D-Class." -05

TEST: I have created a device that will stop time, using this device I will stop time thus allowing me to kill SCP-682 with ease due to his healing and adaption factor being unable to respond.

'ed and given a complete dismissal of my test, my luck in a nutshell.

edited 7th Jul '17 9:09:10 AM by vjoi

Result: SCP-682 saw that coming, duh. It then devoured the D-Class.

Test: Order a cup of "Dear God No" from the vending machine SCP and give it to SCP-682

Addendum: When anyone tried to stop Dr. Tales, they immediately were assigned to Keter duty.

Result: Success. Kind of. It was neutralized. But only for an hour.

Test: Due to the success of the previous test, order a "Cup of explodium" and a "cup of dear god no" from SCP-294, mix them together with SCP-666.5, put it into SCP-914 on the "Very Fine" setting, and give it to D-class personel. (And yes, the cup of explodium and cup of dear god no actually work, according to the List of things Dr. Bright is not allowed to do at the foundation.)

edited 7th Jul '17 9:08:50 AM by Thegeniusyoshi

l Result: DEAR GOD NO

Jesus, let's NEVER do that again. Good god, it's in my mouth... -Dr Robeson

Result: Well, not only have we traumatized and killed a bunch of people, we also didn't get the result to 682.

Test: Send it to [DATA EXPUNGED] and have it slain by Lord Hubris.

(Lord Hubris is the resulting character of SCP-035 successfully bonding to 682, from the Bellerverse canon.)

(Come on, man, that tells us nothing.)

edited 14th Aug '17 6:46:40 PM by PastryPerson

Result: Failure. We now have two SCP-682s.

Test: Feed SCP-682 SCP-666.5.

edited 7th Jul '17 9:33:02 AM by Thegeniusyoshi

Result: Dr. Gerald is now dead. Sure, SCP-682 is still around but at least we won't have to worry about Dr. Gerald's driving skills.

Test: Have SCP-3042 bond to SCP-682. If the two don't kill each other then perhaps they'll tame each other.

edited 7th Jul '17 11:25:05 AM by TheGamechanger

Result:

"Denied! Why the FUCK would you want to give SCP-682 a dog that is essentially a guard dog for him? Sure it will give SCP-682 some bodily problems, but if he adapted to having his eyes shot with by bullets, what makes you think he wouldn't be able to adapt to such minor annoyances?!?" Dr. Hare

"Although, the idea of taming him is interesting, though it may be hard, unless..." Dr. Butch

Time: 11:45

Test:

"Approve co-containment of SCP-682 with SCP-053. At the very least, it will keep them quiet for a good portion of the day and significantly reduce chances of containment breaching. It has already been proven to work." Dr. Butch

edited 8th Jul '17 8:55:04 AM by kingvideogames

RESULT: Minor Success. it has calmed him down a bit and escape attempts are less lethal.

Test:A being calling himself Lord Popo has shown us a video showing his power and offered to eliminate SCP-682 for a fee. I highly recommend we take him up on his offer.

we did that already i don't remember when but I definitely feel like we tried that already.

edited 8th Jul '17 9:19:34 AM by vjoi

Result: Denied. The fee was TREE(googolplex) dollars.

Test: Put it in SCP-914 on the "Rough" setting.

Result: Failure. He is too big to be squeezed into the machine, and even than his whole body would take up the entire room.

Test: Give SCP-682 some SCP-420-J and see if he can calm down.

Result: SCP-682 calms down. This didn't really kill him.

Test: Trap SCP-682 inside SCP-3008.

Result: Denied. There are civilians inside of SCP-3008.

Test: Pit it against Shesha. Shesha resurrects every time it dies, in a stronger form, can regenerate it's wounds, is extremely resilient to all forms of damage, and has agreed to cooperate with us.

Result: Denied. There is a civilization in there. Are you crazy!?!?!

Result: Failure. We have an ever-ongoing battle now.

Test: Order a "cup of dear god no" from SCP-294, mix it with SCP-666.5-J (Not Dr. Gerald.), and give it to SCP-682. (And yes, the cup of dear god no actually works, according to the List of things Dr. Bright is not allowed to do at the foundation.)

edited 8th Jul '17 9:52:07 AM by Thegeniusyoshi

Result: SCP-682 enjoyed the beverage, commenting that it could use more lamentations of the guilty and mint.

Test: Attempt to trap SCP-682 inside a Time Lord's confession dial.

Result: SCP-682 escapes within just an hour.

Test: Let the Daleks experiment on SCP-682.