Wicked223 plays the My Immortal Drinking Game

Chapter 4

The next chapter of my slow torture reading of

My Immortal begins.

This Author's Note defies description, so I'm just going to quote it:"I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!"

Good for you, Tara. Good for you. Starts off with Ebony screaming at Draco for carrying them into the Forbidden Forest. Draco doesn't answer, instead stopping the car and walking out. Ebony follows, repeating the question. Draco says her name. Ebony goes "What?" And then Draco: "leaned in extra-close and I (Ebony) looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I (Ebony) didn’t feel mad anymore." Never mind that he's suddenly wearing colored contacts. "Depressing sorrow and evilness?" What does that even mean? Let's see what happens next so I can- Oh God IKEA Erotica.

Draco kisses her "passionately." Draco climbs on top of her and they start to make out "keenly" against a tree. So... Draco's on her shoulders, Ebony's leaning on a tree, and "keenly?" Wait, hold on, one of the definitions of Keen is "intense, as feeling or desire: keen ambition; keen jealousy." So... it technically fits? Whatever. Then: "He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time." And thus, we come to the reason why everyone is here. Ebony begins making making noises. They started to "kiss everywhere", and her bosy gets all warm. And then a voice says (Oh my god you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this)

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore! Actual amount of ellipses there.

edited 18th Oct '09 7:34:12 AM by Wicked223

Oh, so this is where Dumbledore finally pops up. While they're having sex. What a surprise. From what I've heard of My Immortal, this isn't unusual. The sex thing, I mean.

I'm not sure exactly why you're subjecting yourself to this torture, but you're doing a fine job anyways. Keep it up.

Wicked223: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK

Mind, it was originally Evony . Just saying.

edited 18th Oct '09 7:52:59 AM by Kinkajou

WHYYYYYYYYYY

The canon is raped.

Along with everything else in the fucking book.

Man, I feel sorry that Wicked has to read this shit. Maybe I should Liveblog Sonichu so he isn't the only one in pain?

On second thought, I don't feel THAT sorry.

I was gonna do that after I finished this.

My, what a masochist you are. Tsk tsk tsk.

And I thought it was bad that I was lulzblogging Jack Chick.

It's hard for me to understand why anybody wouldn't just run spellcheck. Trollolololol.

Comparing this to Jack Chick is an Insult to Rocks actually. At least this one is probably not serious.

The "keenly" thing has sorta leaned my toward the troll theory.

Ack this is terrible the fanfic not the liveblog.

According to my calculations, if Wicked223 had played the drinking game, by now Wicked223 would've drunk 55 shots (2475mL/82.5fl oz) and gained a terrible stomachache.

edited 19th Oct '09 4:14:24 PM by aRIS

Tha1zt's2x good3c to k8,nowl9.

Eeek. Reading it is bad enough, no need to get water poisoning.

Thankfully. That would be stupid, sacrificing your health from the sake of reading crap.

Agreed.

I've been playing the drinking game...

I salute thee, noble one. You are a far braver man than I am. (Especially if you're a girl.) I can't even read this thing for fear of going mad.

Godspeed.

I can probably make it through the entire thing sanity intact...as long as I have quick access to numerous Crowning Musicof Awesome via Youtube.

Drown out the fail with GAR as I say.

I'm doing this completely without any protection, so...

Anyway, update incoming.

Go for it, Wicked, but have something nearby to clear out your soul when you're done.

Chapter 5

I wish I had a Reispin to relieve some of this brainhurt. Really.

Once again, this author's note defies description so here it is: "STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!"

This, coupled with the fact there's a chapter after this one makes me sad. And I STILL don't know what a "prep" is.

Anyway it starts with Dumbledore walking them out of the Forbidden Forest. He kept shouting: “You ludacris fools!” (MOVE! GET OUT THE WAY!) Ebony Sue begins to cry tears of blood. Really. That's what it says. Is she sick or something?

Dumbledore takes them to Professort Mcgonall (who has no business here since she's not a Slytherin professor) and Professor Snape (better). Dumbledore angrily proclaims that they were having sex in the Forbidden Forest (instead of calmly assessing the situation like he would ACTUALLY DO). Professor Mc Gonagall says: "“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” Professor Snape goes: 'How dare you?"

Suddenly, they all become quiet. Professor Mc Gonagall and Professor Snape glare angrily at Ebony and Draco. Snape lets them go back to their rooms. They do this. Draco gently comforts Ebony, further violating the canon's human rights. Ebony lies and says she's alright. Ebony goes to the girl's dorm and: "brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. She comes back out and and and and I'm just gonna quote this:

"Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room."

I have never seen this much Character Derailment in my history as a Vigilante Taxonomist. Gonna go cry now