All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

"Chisame-san...! Satomi-san...!" Negi stood aghast, in shame and nervousness, trying to turn around and away just as Chisame all just jumped upon him, hugging him tightly. "No...! Don't look at me! I can't— I shouldn't—!"

Ignoring his pleas, Chisame simply squeezed him tight against her body, keeping him firmly grabbed for a moment, burying her face into his hair.

Then she let him go and slapped his face. Quite hard.

"Ch-Chisame-san!" he was stunned, rubbing his aching cheek with a hand. He paused, seeing the angry tears running down her reddened cheeks.

"You moron! Miserable fool!" she spat. "How could you?-! After everything we've gone through, all we'd done for you, you just run away, trying to leave the damn country?-!"

Attracted by the shouting, several curious onlookers had started to gather around. Itoshiki sweatdropped, trying to shoo them away. "Heh heh... Sibling fights! They get ugly all the time! Nothing to see here, though..."

"I have no choice. I'll have to leave for Wales in any case," Negi pouted. "I wanted to save you the pain of seeing me covered in shame, humbled before my colleagues and pupils..."

"But there must be an alternative," Hakase argued. "Something can be worked out..."

"The designs of my superiors are obligatory," the boy argued. "Sorry. I'm so sorry. I... I'd never want to leave your side. These past months have been the happiest of my life, seriously. I had a place to belong to... a duty I was happy with... and above it all, your... friendship. But it couldn't be. I'm just not cut for it."

"Don't ever say that!" Chisame shook him. "Didn't you want to be treated as a man instead of a child? Then be a man! Go back there, tell the Dean you want to stay, and argue for your case! We'll be right behind you!"

"Even if all the school opposed it, it can't be discussed..." he insisted.

"What kind of barbaric system is that?" Hakase fumed. "It's unfair! Your success rate can't be qualified like that! Those parameters are extremely unjust! Let's rebel against them then!"

Negi was horrified. "That can't be done!"

"Why not?" Chisame said.

Negi scowled, pulled Chamo out of the backpack, pointed to him, then at himself. Chamo waved a paw up to the girls before Negi put him back into the backpack.

The onlookers were getting more curious. "Are you their father?" one of them asked Nozomu.

The older teacher sighed. "No. That's the only misfortune I don't have."

"Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye," Negi was apologizing. "But I left you a note at the living ro-"

Chisame slapped him again. "A NOTE WRITTEN IN LESS THAN TWO MINUTES WILL NEVER SUFFICE AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER! HOW INSENSIBLE CAN YOU GET?-!"

A man looked at Itoshiki. "Are you sure they are siblings?"

"She sounds more like a scorned girlfriend," a girl said while chewing bubblegum.

Nozomu popped a few pills into his mouth. "Just enough to fight the headache... Promised no suicide... Promised no suicide...!"

"And what did you expect me to do?-!" Negi argued. "To stand there while everyone felt sorry about me and waved goodbye forever? To see the tears I caused on Iincho-san's face? On—"

"You already have made me to cry!!" she broke into furious sobs, pulling his head higher forcefully. "Look at me! I'd have been crying even more if you had left before I could reach you, you... idiot!! But you wouldn't care, would you? All you cared was about not seeing our pain! Not about our pain itself!"

He babbled in wide eyed terror. "It's... It's not like that! But it'll be much worse if I stay here and say goodbye!"

"No, it won't!" she hugged him again. "Because at least we'll know you care! Think of our children! What would I have told them when they asked me about you?"

A loud terrified gulp ran through the crowd.

"It's... their mice!" Itoshiki said. "That's all those 'children' are!"

"If they're siblings, no wonder they came out looking like mice!" a woman said, scandalized.

"Their Pacti—I mean, pet mice!!" Itoshiki yelled.

Negi then felt Hakase hugging him from the other side, pressing herself against his back. "Please don't leave," she whispered into his ear, and he felt tears dropping down on his neck's skin. "I... I don't want to leave. You and Chisame are the only ones who... understand."

"I can't," he sobbed as well. "Don't you see it? I'd like nothing better than to stay at your side, but... I must leave. They'll force me if I don't do it."

"Then..." Chisame breathed deeply. She knew she shouldn't be saying that. She knew it too well. And yet, she had to. She couldn't help but doing it. The words already were forming themselves in her mouth, rolling off her tongue. And she didn't want to resist them. "Let me go with you."

The crowd all became ice statues for a moment.

Itoshiki's eyes became deep black twin abysses, then popped out like confetti spirals, then forcefully pushed themselves back into his skull.

Negi lifted his head back up. "W... What?"

"You damn idiot!" she feverishly kissed his forehead, time and time again. "Just look at what you're making me say... in public, humbled before everyone..." She breathed in and out, feeling dizzy, out of her mind. It all had finally caught up to her. "And yet... I don't want to live the way I used to. I don't want to lose you, damn it! Satisfied? There! I said it! Yeah, I'm an idiot, and I must be crazy, too, because I don't want to go back to living without your presence bothering me at each turn! I'm stupid like that! Just... just..." she buried her face into his shoulder and cried, "Please, take me wherever you go..."

Chamo had peeked out of the backpack, crying manly streams that overflowed around him. Itoshiki was downing down more pills.

"But..." Negi began, "That's... That's abs— Impossible. You... You have y-your own life here. Family..."

"My parents have never cared," she bitterly said. "They'll let me go anywhere as long as I don't bother them. And Sora... she'll understand..."

"I-I..." Hakase's lower lip trembled, "I want to go too!"

"Ah?" Negi eeped out.

"Ah?" Chisame repeated.

Itoshiki took another mental note of never getting that close to his own students, at all. He had given up on his crowd control activity, just letting their chattering behind him to become static white noise in his ears.

Hakase closed her eyes and rubbed them off clumsily. "C-Chachamaru will be in good hands with Chao and Eva-san! She doesn't need me anymore! And my parents don't care either! They never have!"

"But..." Hasegawa said, stunned, "What about Shiina?"

She lowered her head, sniffling. "I'll miss her. A lot. She was the first one to ever express open love to me. But... even if y— I mean, even if those I really love the most haven't told me so that way, I can tell yo— they return my feelings. To some degree. Chisame, Sensei, before I met you, I never thought of anyone but myself, and what I wanted to get. Through my research, through everything. Wait, no, there wasn't anything but the research. And the glory to be had out of it. Even when I crushed on Kazuya-sempai, I never felt this way. Like I do... with you..."

"They must be filming a movie. No way this can be for real," a man commented.

"I hope they're taking my good side," his wife worried.

"You..." Negi began.

"... mean..." Chisame continued, shaken by icy uncertainty.

Satomi's small frame only hugged them even tighter. "I love you two."

It was one of those typical moments where time stood frozen for a moment.

Literally, since Skuld had just paused and gone to the fridge for another cup of ice cream. The show was just getting too good, like one of Peorth's trashy romance novels she stole when she had a chance...

Once the goddess came back to her seat, everything started again.

"Satomi-san...!" Negi wheezed.

"Hakase...!" Chisame echoed weakly.

"I'm sorry. But this is the way I feel," she looked miserable. "I know I'll be hurting Sakurako, but I can't deny it to myself, and I shouldn't deceive her on it either. I love her a lot, but... there's no one I love more than you."

Itoshiki scratched his chin. "Again, you've known each other for how long exactly?"

He remained unheard, as the three of them, simply too shaken to continue protesting against each other's claims, nearly collapsed upon each other instead, supporting themselves with their tired, now silently crying bodies. Sharing a despairful, nervous three way hug.

Then, a loud screeching of tires, as there was a commotion at the other side of the station.

A jeep had just arrived, nearly running over several tourists, and a blond man smoking a cigarette poked his head out of it, grinning like a loon. The loud yell with an Irish accent filled the air.

"YO!!! WE MADE IT TO SHANGRI-LA!!"

“Isn't there supposed to be security here?” Satsuki asked of Mao. “I mean, one (fairly powerful) bank teller can't possibly catch everyone who has ill will for someone's heart.”

“Who knows? She should, but Konoka's probably a goody-two shoes with no exposure to mind manipulation! It may be lax as a result!” Mao exclaimed as they walked up the stairs. But alas, when one speaks of the devil, they arrive.

“Hold it right there!” Shouted a voice.

Negi whirled around to see... “Konoka-san?”

But he didn't see Konoka—at least, not as he remembered her. This particular Konoka wore sharp glasses, and was in an equally sharp business dress. She wielded a fairly shiny ruler, which seemed to reflect oddly around its edges. But this was still Konoka. She adjusted said glasses, frowning down on Negi. “Messing with memories is not allowed within the confines of Konoka's heart!”

“We got that memo way back,” Mao muttered, not sure why this particular heart resident annoyed him. “Although if the memory tampering I'm seeing her is any indication, you're not doing your job very well, are you?”

“Konoka-san, is that you?” Negi asked, daring to believe.

Her face didn't soften, but her tone did. “I can't make any more exceptions, Negi-kun.”

“She's not... she can't be,” Satsuki murmured.

“Of course she isn't!” Mao objected. “She's a heart resident, and is one facet of your little yuri girlie's mind! She appears to be a censor of some sort,” He adjusted his glasses. “Though taking specific jobs in the mind... is she more organized mentally than I am?” He rubbed his brow with two fingers, deep in thought.

“So that...” Negi turned back to this odd Konoka. “You live here?”

The heart resident Konoka ignored his question, though, and turned to Mao. “Get lost! I won't let you interfere anymore!” And like lightning, she burst forward towards the duo, ruler at her side like a sword.

Satsuki wasn't close enough to be of any danger, but Mao and Negi had to sidestep. And even that wasn't good enough, as a moment later, they found their shirts falling apart into tiny shreds.

“Eh?” Negi blinked at his shirt disappearing, revealing toned muscles and a battle scar as well.

“Huh?” Mao blinked, staring at the pieces of clothing as they fell to tatters. Mao, despite his nerdy countenance, was at least toned as well.

—

But back in Ala Alba land, the majority of girls were suffering horrible nosebleeds. Must be the atmosphere.

“Geez, it's not like things like this are rare, but why now?” Yue complained, trying to somehow stem the flow of blood from her nose. And it was all Nodoka could do from passing out. Even Sayo was trying not to lose ghost blood... if that were even possible.

“Is... is this the power of a harem male lead?” Asagi asked in pure amazement, trying to stem her own loss of blood.

“What the hell is wrong with you people?!” Asuna complained, apparently not suffering a nosebleed. “You see him like that all the time!”

“Doujins...” Came a voice, and everyone stopped and turned around to face Haruna. With her eyes blank and a grin that would make the Joker proud, she continued to smile insanely. “There will be doujins... glorious amounts of them!” She immediately turned tail and began to run away to give birth to her unholy ideas.

Asuna immediately leapt at her and caught her by the arms, straining against the madwoman. “Somebody help me stop this crazy woman!”

—

Negi looked at the absence of his shirt and frowned. “That's not cool.”

“What are you talking about? The fact that our shirts are shredded for fanservice, or the fact that this yuri girlie is now annoying me?” Mao folded his arms across his chest, a slight scowl on his face. “Cuz quite frankly the style of being perverted doesn't suit her character at all!”

“I wonder about that...” Satsuki raised her eyebrow at the display.

“Excuse me?!” The censor Konoka bellowed. “I don't do perverted!”

“Oh really?” Mao dropped into a chilling grin, showing all of his sharp teeth. “Then what do you say about... THIS?!” He tucked a hand into his jacket-cape and unveiled... a magazine. The odd heart-Konoka gasped, and suddenly struggled with a fresh nosebleed. “Yeah, I thought so!”

“Mao-san, what is that?” Negi peered curiously over to his side to see the magazine in question.

It was a pinup magazine titled, “Secchan Weekly”.

“...what the hell.”

—

“MAO, YOU BASTARD!” Asuna roared, livid with rage.

“Mao, you bastard,” Haruna repeated, but her tone was much more sly and respectful. Giggling madly, she began to take out a pen and paper and began jotting down notes furiously.

“Konoka's mind has things like that?” Asagi asked the actual relevant question.

"NEGI-SENSEI!" Ayaka pushed Leigharch aside and jumped off the vehicle in a way that would have made Asuna envious, sprinting towards them with open arms. As she did, she registered the strange closeness the three of them were displaying, but her main concern right now was him leaving her forever. "NEGI-SENSEI! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US!"

The driver snorted groggily. "Hold on, I have a call from the President..." he pulled his cellphone out despite the fact it was not even working, and held it to his hear listening to an imaginary call. "What? My application for the Black Panthers was denied again?-!-?"

Like a deer caught on the headlights, Negi reacted by pure primal instinct, not thinking of what he did. Panicking, he turned around, grabbed Chisame by a hand, Hakase by the other, and ran away while dragging the shocked girls around. As they zoomed past Itoshiki, closely followed by a happily skipping Chamo, the man blinked in complete disbelief, then mused in an indefense tone, "... When did I become the normal one?"

"Sensei!" the proud, mighty Yukihiro Ayaka tossed herself through the air, tackling Negi's back and grabbing on him for dear life, making him to lose balance and fall flat on his face, dragging the girls down with himself. Chamo couldn't or didn't want to stop in time, rushing ahead and stumbling with his nose poking on Ayaka's butt. An annoyed Itoshiki quickly grabbed him by the tail and tossed him a few feet back into the air. "Sensei, please stay! Don't be so cruel to us!" the heiress cried, latching on him and pinning him down under her weight.

Haruna was getting out of the jeep, laughing in relief. "Wow, we made it on time after all! What did I tell you, Nodo-chan? This man is an ace of the road!"

"Dah. Dah, dah, dah. Dah," Nodoka's face twitched at random intervals, as her back rested against a pale and shaken but still apparently functional Yue.

Natsumi stumbled out next, grabbing her stomach. "I shouldn't have breathed his cigarette smoke... I'm feeling ill... and I'm seeing strange things all around us..."

"Ponies! Ponies everywhere!" Chizuru pranced around, with a starry eyed vacant spark in her eyes.

Zazie walked out in perfect calm, juggling a few balls. All as planned...

"Really, I know well I'm not the best person to talk..." Itoshiki was helping Negi, Chisame, Hakase, and the sobbing Ayaka to stand back up, "... But I think you all should learn to restrain your emotions! A lot more!"

Chachamaru was landing a few steps away, placing Evangeline safely on the ground. The tiny blonde stormed over to Negi and began shaking him around. "BOYA!!! WHAT'S YOUR BIG IDEA, DENYING ME MY RELEASE?-!"

"... Your 'release'?" Ayaka blinked.

"Long story," was all of Chachamaru's explanation.

"This will be a really weird movie," and observer commented.

"Man," a hipster nodded. "It's all so David Lynch!"

Yukari-sensei's ruin on wheels came next, barely avoiding a fiery deadly crash, and Misora, Misa and Matoi poured out breathing wildly, trembling in pure undiluted fear.

"I saw Death-chan to the eyes... Almost cute enough to make me fall for her..." Tsunetsuki babbled right before grabbing onto Chisame. "But now I feel alive again!"

Chisame just landed a jab on her face.

Sakurako, not looking really any worse to wear, made her way to Hakase, giving her a big hug. "Congrats, Satomi-chan! You did it in time!" She hugged Negi as well, pulling him from Eva's terifying extreme cheek pulling. "Bad Negi-kun! You had us sick worried for a moment!"

"Sakurako... We need to talk..." Satomi began, her voice trailing off as Shiina hugged her again. Why was it so hard to rebuke her when those breasts were pressed against her?

The train station was starting to get crowded with new arrivals, most of them very young, spilling out of car after car, and a few bikes as well. Most of them quickly gravitating around the boy with glasses and his weird girl companions, much to everyone else's puzzlement. "Hey, y'all gonna buy tickets for the next train, or what...?" the pimple faced attendant was asking, but no one paid him an iota of attention.

2-A, naturally, was taking the lead on, mobbing Negi from all sides.

"We're so sorry! It's all our fault!" Makie lamented.

"I'll tell Grandpa to give you another chance!" Konoka offered.

"I'll just put a scare on him..." Eva boasted with a hostile groan.

"Sue them!" Kimura Kaere peeked over their heads. "I can get you the best lawyers at Japan!"

"I doubt any of that will work..." the young teacher said, shrinking back from them.

"I see," Ayaka's expression grew grim. "Then there's nothing else to do!" She gestured towards four other female students. " Daidouji-san! Tenjouin-san! Fujino-san! Kitamura-san! As the five wealthiest students at this Academy, it's our duty to use our resources to help those in dire need for justice! So I demand... FOR US TO JOIN FORCES IN AN INVESTMENT TO BUY MAHORA ACADEMY OUT!"

The golden haired, golden eyed Kitamura Eri twitched. "... Say what?"

The brown haired School Council Fujino Shizuru put a hand on her right cheek. "Oh dear, that's quite a sudden proposal." She looked at her best friend. "What do you suggest, Natsuki-chan?"

Kuga grimaced a few times. "Shizuru, I don't know the first thing about finances!"

The small, dark haired Daidouji Tomoyo smiled placidly. "I'm willing to hear more about this...!"

Lovely images of her Sakura-chan in a specially redesigned Mahora uniform began dancing in her head...

"What am I doing here to begin with?" the blond, princess-curled Tenjouin Saki wondered in jaded disbelief.

"I'm sorry," another voice spoke. "But Mahora Academy is not for sale."

Everyone turned in shock at the source of the words. The frail looking old man walked veeeery slowly towards them, imposing an abrupt silence with his mere presence.

But as he passed by next to him, the pimple faced American asked, "Hey, Gramps, you buying a ticket?"

Konoemon gently bopped his baton on his head and continued walking without missing a beat, stopping before a paralyzed Negi, Chisame, Satomi and Ayaka. "Ho-hum. First of all, I must say I'm sorry. It seems I didn't turn the tests I was grading on time, and so, they ran the results of last term's test by mistake. Here I have the actual grades of today's 2-A latecomers."

"What the heck?" Asuna blurted.

"There is hope yet?" Ku Fei asked.

The Dean shrugged. "It might be... Hakase Satomi, you still have a 100 score. No surprises there. Saotome Haruna, 83. Well done, child. Your parents will be proud."

He then looked at Chachamaru. "Karakuri Chachamaru, you have undergone a surprise recovery in your scores. 93."

Everyone else did a shocked wild take as Chachamaru bowed at him whispering a thanks, and Chao and Hakase smiled smugly. "H-How did you...?" Evangeline started.

"We upgraded her cultural and mathematical data banks two weeks ago, naturally!" Chao grinned.

Chisame scowled. "Doesn't that count as cheating?"

"There was nothing on the rulebook against it..." Satomi feigned innocence.

"Ayase Yue, 65 points," Konoemon continued. "You only need to show more dilligence on your deeds, Ayase-kun."

Yue looked aside. "... I'll think about it."

"Sakaki Makie, 66 points," the Headmaster went on.

"NO WAY!" the gymnast gasped, her face lit up suddenly. "66? I did better than Yue-chan?-!"

"It's only one point..." Yue muttered.

"Next, Ku Fei with 67 points, and Nagase Kaede with 63. You obviously have tried much harder this time, even if there's still room to improve..."

"I'll do for sure next term-aru!" Ku promised sincerely.

"Well, life's an eternal trip of self improvement..." Nagase philosophized with a shrug.

"Life isn't eternal, fool," Evangeline grumbled. "Well, not most often," she admitted under her breath.

Asuna was wide eyed and intimidated as Konoemon looked at her next. She felt Konoka's small warm hand resting on her shoulder comfortingly, but she still felt an ill omen in her heart. "And... me...?"

"Oh. Asuna-chan," the old man shook his head. "I must admit you have disappointed me..."

Everyone went as white as a paper sheet.

But he only chuckled, holding her test up. "You definitely could have done better than a 70!"

"Oh, Grandpa!" Konoka breathed in relief, hitting his oddly shaped head with a miniature mallet. "You're TERRIBLE!"

"Seventy!!" Asuna squealed in glee. "No way! A seventy!!"

"Congratulations, Asuna-chan!" Konoka giggled. "I knew you could do it!"

A tall figure approached her, smiling warmly and clapping with tenderness. "Indeed. I'm very proud of you, Asuna-chan."

"Takahata-sensei..." she felt herself melting under his gaze, and then lifted a fist up. "All right!! This is the best day of my life!!"

Konoemon rasped, imposing silence again over the wild cheers. "Ahem! So, keeping those changes in mind, I feel it's also noteworthy to point out... Middle School Class 2-A has become the top ranking class at the whole Academy for this term!"

"We...?" Natsumi blinked and blinked.

"We did it!!" Ako gushed.

"PONY PARTY!!" (Naba) Chizuru twirled around, still flying on Leigharch's fumes.

"I won my bet!!" Sakurako's eyes shone gleefully.

"Congrats, Sensei!" Madoka patted Negi's right shoulder. "It was all thanks to you!"

"Me?" he asked. "Oh, no! The effort was all yours!"

"You put the motivation. And no little effort of yours either," Satsuki told him.

"My most honest thanks, Sensei," Yue shook his hand. "I couldn't have done it without you." Then, casually, she pulled his sleeve a bit up, looking at his wrist. "By the way, I'm also glad to see you already lost those tattoos."

He laughed awkwardly. "Yes, um... I just rubbed them with a lot of water..."

"Hmmmm..." she nodded thoughtfully and walked away back to Nodoka's side; Miyazaki was breathing better now, saluting Negi with a stiff nod and a shy smile. Negi smiled back before tugging on the Dean's sleeve.

"Konoemon-sensei..."

"Yes?"

"You have forgotten someone," he told him. "Chisame-san."

Hasegawa blinked. "Oh. That's right. But it's okay. I couldn't possibly have..."

"I'm sorry to neglect you, Hasegawa-kun," the old man apologized. "My memory isn't what it used to be. Regardless, you have my congratulations as well." He showed her a 84. "I could feel the effort and love you put into it."

"Lo... ve...?" she blushed, her glasses fogging up. "That... That is..."

She jolted up sensing someone touching her right arm. it was Negi, smiling up at her in that cozy, dumb way of his.

"Thank you, Chisame-san. For everything. I swear I won't let you down again."

"You..." she babbled. "You haven't..."

But then she only smiled and ruffled his hair. "You'd better keep that in mind, always!"

"I will!" he promised.

"CELEBRATION! LET'S TOSS NEGI-KUN UP!!" Haruna shouted.

"What?" he gasped. "No, it's not necessary! You don't have to— WAHHH!!" he cried as far too many pairs of hands lifted him up and tossed him up in the air.

"GET HIM DOWN RIGHT NOW!" Ayaka and Chisame yelled at once.

"LET'S TOSS IINCHO AND CHI-CHAN AS WELL!" Harumi piped in.

Moments later, three bodies were being flung up and down over and over.

"THIS IS A MUTINY! AS YOUR CLASS REP, I DEMAND FOR THIS TO STOP!"

"HARUNA! IF YOU TOUCH ME THERE AGAIN, I SWEAR I'LL—!!"

"WHOOPSIE! MY HAND SLIPPED!"

"I... I THINK I NEED TO USE THE RESTROOM!"

Chiri watched on, then furtively wiped a single tear from the corner of an eye. "The little animals are so cute when they play..."

Kafuka teased her poking a finger on her cheek. "Oh, Chiri-chan! It's okay to say we're moved by such wonderful displays of May December love!"

"Wh-What?-! What are you implying, Kafuka-san?-!"

Standing further away, Fujisawa-sensei hummed while smoking a cigarette. "All those faces... The loving bright way they look up at him..." he said with concern.

Next to him, Tate Yuuichi nodded, hands lazily in his pockets. "That boy's got something that... worries me."

Fujisawa puffed a few times. "The way they all are entranced by him..."

"Yeah, it's kinda creepy. Even Hirano's giggling like a girl."

"I need a beer."

"I wish I were of age."

And at the absolute end of the crowd, a tall blond girl sighed. "So that's the little fool we'll have to train... There's no justice in the world."

The smaller girl at her side patted her in an arm. "It can't be that bad, Takane-oneesama..."

Up at the bowels of Yggdrasil, Skuld smirked with petty, childish glee.

How little did they all know!