THE SUSPENSE IT IS KILLING ME...

The other thing of note about the wedding comic is that the dress is ripped straight out of the November Rain filmclip

edited 15th Sep '10 3:09:29 PM by Marky_Markk

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the Final Update.

Remember to return your brains to the upright and locked positions after reading.

Issue Ten, Episode Twenty-One, Part The Last: The End

When he comes in, he finds Slaweel waiting for their final battle. She tells him that she can still remember the day she was deemed a social outcast by the entire city, and how nobody would ever show her even a hint of love or devotion ever again. That was what drove her to learn witchcraft in the hopes of finding a magic that could make people love her, but none of them worked. When she found Graduon, he promised to help her bring her revenge down on anybody who shared love with someone else. They brainwashed people with a fake college and attempted to stop love forever. Hobo-Chan’s relentless pursuit of love china pissed her off the most, because she knew she didn’t have a spirit that strong as to keep going even when failing over and over again.

She also realized that she still hadn’t punished one man: Graduon. Slaweel gives Hobo-Chan Graduon’s wand so he can defeat him for Slaweel to punish another day. Hobo-Chan smashes the wand, destroying Graduon. He then summons his sword, telling Slaweel that while he sympathizes with her and understands her pain, he refuses to forgive her and will fight her to the death because she got in his way when he tried to get a girlfriend. They have a bland, three-page fight before Hobo-Chan paralyzes Slaweel and she gives up. Ten comics all about his fight against Slaweel and her idiot cohorts so he can get laid, and it ends with a shit battle that's not even a fifth of the comic. Fucking Chris.

Later at the CWC Ville Mall, Hobo-Chan is just regular Chris again, and is delivering a big speech to a bunch of scarecrows and beach balls. Slaweel has had her magic taken away and is in a maximum-security jail. The Jerkops are un-brainwashed. Homogays are allowed to do whatever they want in CWC Ville, but they can’t get married. Didn’t Chris just plan to eliminate homosexuals in a few months earlier this issue? Crystal is going to be Chris’ Secretary of Social Relations, to hopefully make him less socially inept. Chris is still going to be mayor, and he promises again to stop showing up in comics. Yeah, whatever. Isn't this the third time he's promised that?

In the audience, Simonla gets up to go to the bathroom, leaving Wild to watch her purse and their egg. Somewhere over the giant mall TV, Magi-Chan catches Evan (in a lead helmet) swinging around trying to cut the chains with a pair of scissors. He catches him and Simonchu, and accuses them of trying to kill Simonla. Magi-Chan realizes too late that there’s a third accomplice who’s switching signs on the bathroom door to lure Simonla in. As soon as Simonla sits on the toilet, the man has the Voltorb behind the toilet explode on her.

Somehow, she’s not dead, so they rush her to the hospital. She gives Wild her lucky shark’s tooth drill bit necklace. Wild sits outside on their egg while waiting for news on Simonla’s surgery. At the same time, Chris is giving a statement on how making Simonla went against Evan’s wishes. Bill the Scientist/Doctor comes out and tells Wild that Simonla died. He spends one panel crying before Magi-Chan enters his mind and tells him that he found Simonla’s murderers. Wild wants to go off and take care of them himself, but Magi-Chan tells him not to. They’re in jail, and he should wait for the trial next week. Besides, the egg is hatching!

The Rosey pops out of the egg and Wild holds her, telling her that her name is Sandy. Sandy asks where her mommy is, while Magi-Chan tells about how Evan killed Sandy’s mother. What the hell, Magi-Chan? You don't tell kids shit like that. Wild, being the great father that he is, takes a cue from Magi-Chan and tells his infant daughter even more about her mother’s murder over the next few days, and before the week is even over, Sandy evolves from a Rosey to a Rosechu; she looks almost exactly like Simonla. Between montages is Chris still talking at the mall.

He apologizes for cursing Mao and now offers a ‘forgiveness blessing’ to him. Sandy trains, Chris apologizes to Leary for borrowing the Asperchu cast and for intruding on his property. The trial against Alec, Evan, Mao, and Sean against Chris, Rosechu/Sonichu and all of CWC Ville starts. Chris also apologizes for insinuating that Leary holds women hostage and sexually abuses them. He meant for them to have been pets, like hamsters.

Let’s just skip through the whole apology and come back to the trial. Something about being too busy to update the CW Cipedia, apologies for being rude to people in the mailbag and delaying updates, blah blah who cares. Back to the trial.

The judge is a rip-off of Lewis Black, Judge Slack Lewis. Fucking Chris. He is already biased against Asperpedia, making it obvious they’re going to lose. Magi-Chan mind-links the defendants and the jury (uh, why?) before Judge Lewis hands the case over to Marvey Blaziken. A Harvey Birdman rip-off, I guess. Anyway—

SWEET SASSY MOLASSY, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!

THERE ARE NO WORDS. OH GODS, IT’S AWFUL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE?! I can’t even read what he’s saying, his appearance is that distracting. Oh, ugh. I threw up in my mouth a little. I can never play Phoenix Wright again. Fucking Chris.

Marvey Blaziken spouts something about how Chris is losing inspiration and people have to wait patiently, but the Asperpedia crew didn’t get it and killed Chris in their comic or something. So, they have to die. I honestly can’t read a word of that. The font is tiny and terrible, and that face is too horrific to focus on that half of the page.

Judge Lewis likes his argument, but Sean (or ‘Sheen’, as he calls him) got high last night to write their defense, which sucks and disappoints Mao greatly. It’s mostly just Sean talking about how they’re all losers and Chris doesn’t keep his promises. Also, Sean wants root beer and pot stickers, I guess. He’s still high as hell, and Chris is really going out of his way to make these four look as stupid as possible. I don’t think Sean and Mao even did anything to Chris, did they? What are they doing here?

They’re all charged with Simonla’s murder, copy and theft of the Sonichu cast and Chris, and profanity ‘to the max’. What, no charge for ‘bad artwork’? They plead not guilty, and Marvey Blaziken uses their comic as evidence against them, as well as the detonator to the Voltorb that killed Simonla and Magi-Chan’s memory. In defense, Sean presents... a rock. Because they rock.

Hey, I laughed. Sean might be a shit lawyer, but he knows how to deliver a punch line, unlike everyone else in this comic.

The jury, without even discussing it, decides they’re all guilty and sentences them to die at the hands of those they hurt the worst. Who’d have guessed that, after a show trial with a clearly biased judge (who is proud to be biased and states so constantly) and purely circumstantial evidence (including the memory of a psychic rat-monster), the Asperpedia Four would lose? And of course, for hurting his imaginary friend’s feelings and bruising Chris’ delicate ego, they have to die. Fucking Chris.

Alec Benson Leary gets strapped into a ten-button electric chair so the entire cast can kill him at once. Hilariously enough, Magi-Chan doesn’t even have a reason when he pushes his button. He’s just being all psychic and shit.

Evan is chained to a wall and mutilated by Wild and Sandy for killing Simonla. Sandy steals Evan’s glasses as a trophy. This little girl, barely a week old, has just murdered a man and taken a trophy from his corpse to remember it.

Sean is hung from the ceiling by his wrists and used by Allison, Bill the Scientist, and Kel for target practice until he died from his injuries. Kel looks hilarious in that panel. Chris seriously messed her face up. You have to see it to believe it.◊

Chris uses his random psychic powers to break Mao's arms and legs, and then make his heart explode. No, seriously. What the hell did Mao do to this guy to deserve that? I don’t even know.

That’s not just the death penalty, that’s outright fucking torture. It’s inhumane and illegal, Chris, you douchecanoe. And weren't you the one bitching and moaning about all the gore in Asperchu? Yet, you break a man's limbs and explode his heart, show a man being shot to death, and then show another being murdered by a week-old infant girl. All in the span of one or two pages. Fucking Chris.

Ironically, Chris then spends the next page text walling about how we shouldn’t be consumed by petty differences anymore and that we are now free to celebrate Christian Love Day. Well, guess what, Chris? I’d rather deep-throat a cactus than celebrate any holiday involving you in any way, shape, or form. I'm not even kidding about that. If someone walked up to me on the street and offered me the choice, I'd ask them to pass the cactus and have an ambulance on stand-by.

Before I go off on a rant against Chris, turn the page. There’s a memorial to Panda Halo. If Chris wants this whole issue to be a memorial to honor her memory, he did a shit job of it. Building a memorial out of dried dog poo would be a greater tribute than this ass-backwards excuse for a comic.

A few of Panda Halo’s drawings line the page, and the next page is a fan comic she drew for Chris. The art is terrible, but it’s leagues above Chris’. There’s an ad for Chris’ fake game, then ARGH THERE IT IS AGAIN. Marvey Blaziken’s long speech about Chris’ inspiration has been pasted over another PSA about respecting Chris and his inspiration.

AND THEN IT’S OVER.

THANK MERCIFUL CTHULHU IT’S FINALLY OVER!

We’ve reached the end of the journey. You’ve had a deep look into Christian Weston Chandler’s horror show comic, and it looked back and tried to molest you. But you survived. Now, go. Go do something better with your time than be involved with this garbage. Go pet a kitten, or make a sandwich. Read a decent comic. Pretty much anything at all would be better than Sonichu.

I hope you all enjoyed my suffering. If even one person was remotely amused at some point, I think it was worth it. Now, if you’ll kindly excuse me, I need to drink until I forget all this and then get some much-needed therapy.

edited 16th Sep '10 12:58:37 PM by Swingyshark

I commend you, Mr. Shark. Nobody should have to endure such a horror.

Also, Kel looks like a Yukkuri in that panel.

edited 16th Sep '10 12:48:16 PM by Daionusthe23rd

...Huh. They kinda do, don't they? That actually makes it more disturbing. At least the Yukkuri were kind of cute. That's just... buh.

I'm actually looking for a way to download Chris' You Tube failings for home viewing. If I can manage it, I might continue the LB with a series of reviews on the different CWC sagas and all his other nonsense. Bile Fascination at it's worst, I suppose, but I'm actually a bit sad to see this end now that we've reached the climax of the comics.

And, uhm. This shark is a girl.

Fucking Chris.

^That's the last thing anyone will be doing.

^ I see what you did there...

Live blogging the videos should be good, Chris has started uploading more of them AGAIN.

There's the CW Cwiki to help. I applaud you for making it through that mess.

The CW Cipedia is a huge help in finding all the videos, but as of this post, I'm still working on a way to download them and take them home, where I can actually watch them.

When/if Chris makes a new comic and/or I can get the videos, I'd be more than happy to continue making fun of him, but for now, I'm calling this liveblog closed.

In the meantime, though, I have a liveblog of The PK Girl going and will be working on Hobo-Chan and Fruitichu, for those interested... /shameless promotion

You know, after reading this, I wanted to see "Fucking Chris" become a meme. But than I realized it would make Chris popular in the mainstream. So I find the phrase funny, but fear it becoming popular because it would give the manchild more attention than he's worth. Fucking Chris.

I debated on whether or not to do this for a while, but what the hell. Here's a little parting gift for the few of you who liked the 'Fucking Chris' line:

IF I SEE THAT FUCKING CHRIS ONE MORE TIME...◊

Could have been better, but I didn't want to look at that creepy face longer than I had to.

Good news, nobody! I've gotten my hands on the complete Chris Collection, so the liveblog is reopening and reviews of all the insane ramblings he's posted are coming.

They won't always be in order, because some of these are fucking boring to sit through. (Currently, I've tried to watch his ode to JULAY seven times, and have had to give up before it's half over every time.)

I'll be starting with his Iam Straight videos, since I cannot wait to rip a hole in those, and then I'll try to go his Captain's Log and various Saga videos in as much chronological order as I can muster.

You asked for it, and now you're gonna get it, you sick, sick people.

*rubs hands gleefully*

Seriously, should be fun (For the rest of us).

Especially his latest videos, which are sheer madness...

edited 27th Oct '10 7:01:28 PM by Marky_Markk

He's still going?!

I wish the best of luck to you.

I just realised that this is the second longest thread in the histroy of liceblogging (Or at least this forum).

We really don't value our sanity at all, do we?

I'm sure there's at least one blog with over two thousand posts about the nutritional value of lice.

FATAL I think.

Sonichu-related update: looks like Chris decided to retcon the gory ending of Sonichu 10 and replaced it with this.

Well... that was... um...

There are no words. Seriously.

I am more grateful than you can name that this is my only exposure to Chris-Chan.

I think it bears mentioning that I'm one of the people who liveblogged FATAL. I know disturbing. ...actually, this reminds me a lot of FATAL. Same terrible values, same overdefensive attitude on the part of their creators.

OH GOD BYRON HALL IS A PSEUDONYM FOR CHRIS WESTON CHANDLER

edited 30th Oct '10 8:33:42 PM by ManCalledTrue

Nah, Chris is way too lazy to make something with that much math.

I've been following this from the beginning, and found it all horribly fascinating. Thanks!

About that newest video: What the Hell is going on? I know the people being sent to live with the Amish are the baddies, and one of them has apparently been forced to marry a cow (or cow furry woman or something), but what's with the woman in prison who's rambling in the middle?

Also has anyone told Chris-Chan about Linkara saying he hates this yet?

Why would it matter? I'm certain that anyone who's even taken a glimpse of anything Sonichu-related would have some sort of negative reaction to it, great or small. I wouldn't give it any extra weight just because Linkara said it. (Besides, 'Channers were hating on Sonichu before it became cool to hate on Sonichu).

I mean we know what happens if a website/famous internet person says they hate Sonichu. I don't need to mention those comics.