Buying drinks from SCP-294

RESULT: The D-Class who drank it, immediately accused another D-Class of being a witch. His reasons for doing so was that they weighed the same as a duck, and was made of wood. A test on both the D-Class informed that the accused was indeed made out of wood, and weighed the same as a duck. Said D-Class was then burned in an incinerator .

TEST: A cup of Big Smoke's Order

edited 11th Aug '17 5:36:38 PM by Jaxfirebus

Result: A brown drink came out. Upon drinking, one D-class yelled "Ooooohhhhh!!!" Before dying. An Autopsy showed that he died from heart failure.

Test: One drink of Who's on first? (Reference to Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes)

Output: A cup of blood from Abbot and Costello.

Input: A cup of no.

Output: A cup of black liquid, Upon drinking it, the D-Class who consumed it suddenly shouted 'NOOOOOO GOD, NO GOD PLEASE NO, NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' before committing Suicide during the middle of his final "No" by jumping backwards, and breaking their neck.

Input: A cup of Prank

edited 23rd Aug '17 7:15:43 PM by Jaxfirebus

when the D class opened the can he somehow got a pie in the face, pantsed, tripped on some marbles and thrown into scp 682'schamber all at once.

A cup of NANOMACHINES SUN!

OUTPUT: A cup contaning a cloud of electronic machines of minimal submolecular extension, test subject reported increased muscular hardness in regards to cinetic forces.

Addendum: Product terminated through SCP-[REDACTED] after readings of elevated radioactivity and atomic mass.

Result: Cup of green and white fluid dispensed. Upon consumption, subject expressed a desire to stream games online, exclaiming "I'M THE TRASH MAN! I START EATIN' GARBAGE!", before collapsing. Subject requested to be thrown into the trash when dead, before expiring. Subject was incinerated.

Test: A cup of the core of the internet.

Output: Clear liquid in a red plastic "college" cup. Given to a D-Class for the drink to be ingested. Upon consumption, he [DATA EXPUNGED], resulting in termination.
Further research results conclude that the liquid contained physical [REDACTED] lines of code and information.

Input: A cup of The World's Sharpest Knife™

edited 25th Aug '17 11:59:57 PM by ActualBeatrice

RESULT: A cup of Molten Metal, Attempts to look at the contents of the cup causes the observer to become cut. Cup was placed in a room [REDACTED] by [REDACTED], and filled with cement.

iNPUT: A cup of Newton's Third Law.

edited 26th Aug '17 11:31:56 AM by Jaxfirebus

OUTPUT: A cup containing a substance of colouration shown to be the opposite of the wavelenght of any light shined upon it in the visible spectrum, and consistency inversely proportional to the atmospheric pressure currently acting upon it; Upon consumption, D-class test subject began speaking only fluent Russian of the 50's decade dialect, and had all of their bodily tissues transfeered upon the cup, its containing flowing back to the subject's body's original position. Laboratory personnel reported intense discomfort upon directing their gaze upon the fluid, and inserting any test instruments upon it resulted in a molecular replacement akin to that of the test subject. Discharging the fluid from its container resulted in Dr. [REDACTED]'s current obitous state due to blunt physical trauma upon chamber walls.

"That is either the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen or the most horrifying creation let upon the world." -Dr. Carter

edited 26th Aug '17 1:41:23 PM by Almohad

Output: A cup of liquid that caused the D-Class that drank it to gain the knowledge of Einstein.

Input: A cup of essence of Star Butterfly.

Result: A cup of glowing baby blue liquid with a salmon-colored ring towards the center was dispensed. The D-class who drank it had notably lightened skin and started developing the anatomical characteristics of a female human. DNA testing afterward reveals that the subject is no longer human and posesses the abilities of [REDACTED]. Subject is now under containment as SCP-XXXX.

Input: A cup of deafening sound

edited 28th Nov '17 8:50:29 PM by lewattoo

Output: A thick clear liquid was dispensed into the cup. Any attempt to consume said liquid will result in the subject fainting immediately. Upon further examination, both eardrums will be blown out, as if they were exposed to an incredibly loud noise.

Input: A cup of fiery water.

edited 29th Nov '17 9:16:11 AM by Laicuss333

RESULT: A cup of Water with a film of flaming oil on top.

INPUT: A cup of Keemstar.

edited 30th Nov '17 11:04:41 PM by Jaxfirebus

RESULT: A cup of popcorn, that when eaten, each kernel, on close inspection, can quietly be heard saying "nigger"

INPUT: A cup of flesh

Result: Cup includes liquefied tissue from a number of different specimens. Several scientists from all corners of the facilities reported briefly experiencing sharp pain.

Input: A cup of Chromatic Deprivation

output: a grey cup of white liquid, with consistency similar to correction fluid. upon drinking, subject immediately lost all pigmentation.

input: a cup of FACE

OUTPUT: A thick solution of a hematic-like red colouration, more pervasive analysis revealed a heterogenous mixture of epidermic cells, lymphatic nodes, muscular strings and tendonous sinews, cartilaginous tissue and nervous connections. Upon ingestion, subject's facial structure grew progressivelly putrefect, culminating in its complete detachment from the subject's skull. Subject exhibited rapid mitosis of previously decayed tissues, revealing a facial structure researchers could liken to the famous singer [REDACTED], and proceeded to shift continuously as to the likenesses of the present researchers. Subject contained as SCP-[REDACTED], this addendum must be disposed of in a maximum interval of 72 (seventy-two) hours and 15 (fifteen) minutes.

edited 27th Dec '17 5:55:57 PM by Almohad

bump

RESULT: A cup of apple juice. Once drank, a [REDACTED] appeared to the D-Class who drank it a few hours later. The [REDACTED] has since been contained and logged as SCP-0000.
INPUT: A cup of the Communist Agenda, with a Vodka chaser.

edited 21st Feb '18 1:48:43 PM by DefRevenge24601

RESULT: A cup of cold, grey fluid with a consistency similar to melting snow. The D-class personnel who drank it commented that it tasted quite bland with a hint of vodka before proceeding to rant a bout equality and [REDACTED] before attempting to [DATA EXPUNGED]. Subject was promptly terminated.

REQUEST: a cup of MLG

edited 21st Feb '18 11:19:53 PM by QuantumMelody29

bump

RESULT: A green liquid with Doritos in it. When the D-Class drunk it, they shrieked out [REDACTED].

INPUT: A glass of Mabel Juice (Would anyone drink it?)

edited 26th Feb '18 7:42:59 PM by Joker45654

RESULT: A strange green liquid was poured in, The D-Class who consumed it described it as "if coffee and nightmares had a baby.", and died later that day from sugar overdose.

TEST: A cup of Karma

RESULT: A cup of what looked like water. When it was drunk by a D-class personnel who had been caught trying to steal [REDACTED] from the staff room a pile of what they had tried to steal fell from nowhere on top of them, crushing them to death.

INPUT: a cup of yum

edited 26th Feb '18 11:08:20 PM by QuantumMelody29