Solve the above problem with violence.

Hit the above post with a barrage of missiles until a problem to solve magically appears.

My monitor is a smoldering wreck for some reason.

Have Chuck Norris pee on it.

There's a snake in my boots!

Take off the boots, find yourself a hammer, and beat the snake to death. Then marinade and eat its remains.

There's a long line at the grocery store and you're in a hurry to check out.

Solve like so: tl;dw Kill Em All

"https://www.youtube.com/v/at5l7FRkz5I?fs=1&hl=en_US"

Or, you could blow up the magazine rack and the counter candy to speed the line up.

It seems that some people use smileys too much.

edited 22nd Nov '10 4:06:43 PM by randomtroper5

Enter into the virtual world and beat the stuffing out of the smileys.

The ring on my pudding can came off, and now my pudding is trapped forever!

Melt the can with a flamethrower.

My flamethrower is out of fuel.

Rob a gas station.

How do I make world peace?

Kill everyone except yourself.

My printer is jammed.

destroy the printer with a hammer

there is a stain on your shirt

Cut someone open and make them bleed on the shirt until the stain is no longer visible.

My sideburns aren't manly enough.

Set the sideburns on fire.

Nobody appreciates my flute solo.

Bludgeon them to a slow, humiliating death with the aforementioned flute.

I just got turned down by Johns Hopkins.

Exhume the corpse of Johns Hopkins and beat the faculty with it.

I have an embarrassing laugh.

Cut off everyones ears.

I'm bored.

Kill time by burning down the rainforest.

I have an ugly blind date.

Repeatedly beat his face in until he either looks considerably less ugly or a really novel Picasso portrait.

MTA is raising subway fares again.

Pay with severed heads!

I love puppies!

Especially with mint sauce and a mature Bordeaux.

I'm buying cotton candy.

Smash the vendor's face in the machine until the cotton candy comes out blood red!

Bill O'Reilly is on.

Hurl the TV out the nearest window.

Your computer has crashed.

Kill someone at Alientech and steal their computer.

There's too much krill in the ocean.

Kill them all. With your bare hands. And a scuba tank. Then make a movie about it called KILL KRILL.

I wish to win a social victory in Civ 5.

edited 6th Dec '10 12:42:58 AM by doorhandle

beat the civilians.

I'm late for work.