Solve the above problem with violence.

Use it to stab the nerd in front of you.

Some asshole keeps spawn-camping near you in Battlefield: Bad Company 2.

Program and send a computer virus that overheats the opponent's PC to the point that it blows up their house.

You need a cup of sugar.

edited 5th Apr '10 3:08:22 PM by newtonthenewt

Kill Barney.

There are motherfucking snakes on your motherfucking plane.

Summon Samuel L Jackson and proceed to kick the shit out of snakes.

Your hard drive crashes and there's no way to recover.

Fry the employees at the local Best Buy until they give you a new one.

Red spy's in the base!

Blow up everything even remotely red.

It's your money and you need it NOW!

So I'll kill the guy next door and take it!

I have assloads of homework.

Burn your teacher.

An octopus kaijin.

Glare daggers at it until it bleeds to death.

Azathoth decides he'd love some fried Earth for breakfast!

Get all Riders and Sentai teams to take care of him.

I need a piece of paper.

Shatter the trees with your hands, pulp it with your saliva, flatten it, and blow it dry.

I'm undergoing an existential crisis.

DEMON PAUL BUNION WILL DEVASTATE THE ENTIRE ECOSYSTEM OF CANADA AND THE NORTHERN U.S. TO BRING YOU A SHEET OF PAPER!

EDIT: Ninjas! I blow you up with TNT so you don't exist anymore, therefore can't have a crisis.

The Second Coming of Christ.

edited 5th Apr '10 9:48:50 PM by DireSloth

Kill the non-believers.

Worms.

Kill all the people who seem to be making Kamen Rider a meme. I mean jeeze, I've never been to JAPAN before, let alone regularly watch a JAPANESE SHOW.

Pop-up Ads are blocking your windows

Kill the Internet with Fire.

There is a bunny with a pancake on its head at your feet.

Drive to the headquarters of the advertising company and stab everyone responsible, then blow up the ad servers.

You're playing a game on your laptop but the power is out and the battery is at 5%.

Dammit, ninja'd! Spank the bunny, I guess!

edited 6th Apr '10 7:36:04 AM by CentralAvenue

Find the city's largest power generator and smack that son-of-a-bitch until it works.

Someone called you a whore on national television!

Before the show ends, get there and punch the shit outta that fucker.

Your DM just got you killed.

Go Off the Rails and have rocks fall HE dies!

For some strange reason everyone is editing their posts.

edited 6th Apr '10 10:43:19 AM by MajorTom

Edit everyone else's. With a chainsaw.

That bitch didn't make you a sandwhich.

Kill the bitch.

Someone just put the most kickass song on the radio, Invincible, and some berk broke the radio set.

Beat the berk senseless with your now-broken radio.

You broke a nail.

Cut off your hands.

Something bugs you.

Swat it.

I'm 17, and I still don't have a learner's permit.

edited 6th Apr '10 5:14:52 PM by LeighSabio

Release a super virus that makes everyone over eighteen explode, the road is yours now.

My favorite authors aren't writing books fast enough for me.