Real Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris is a Republican.

Chuck Norris has never been on fire. He has stunt doubles and CGI for that.

edited 4th Sep '10 4:47:26 AM by Haven

Chuck Norries tried to count to infinity twice. He got bored after 200 and, after his two attempts, someone explained him that it was an impossible task anyway.

Chuck Norris can win Connect 4 in 4 moves if nobody or an idiot is playing with him.

edited 4th Sep '10 6:15:38 AM by Reecer6

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with his shirt off.

No one noticed.

Chuck Norris can punch a vegetarian. He can punch a meat-eater too, but he'll end up in court either way.

edited 5th Sep '10 9:11:59 AM by Chabal2

He's an actor, yeah.

Most people wear Superman pajamas. Superman is not real and therefore cannot wear pajamas, even if Chuck Norris' disembodied head is plastered on them, staring at you throughout the night, watching you, judging you.

This post was thumped by the Stick of Post Thumping

Chuck Norris has arms, and legs, and hands, and feet.

Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands. They're still known as the Virgin Islands.

They were going to put Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore, but he wasn't presidential enough.

Chuck Norris can beat another person at tennis, regardless of whether there is a brick wall behind him or not.

Chuck Norris has nothing to do with the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris once had a near death experience.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He stares at it and dares it to grow. It does.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. So can you.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. With a strong flashlight.

Chuck Norris reads books by staring at them until he gets the information he wants. Just like the rest of us.

Chuck Norris can exchange information between the hemispheres of his brain via his corpus callosum.

Chuck Norris' body extracts nutrients from food and safely stores toxins, and he doesn't even need to pay attention until they need to be disposed of.

Chuck Norris has two eyes and approximate bilateral symmetry.

Chuck Norris cannot kill two stones with a bird, as stones are not alive. This may in fact result in the killing of one bird with two stones.

Chuck Norris obtain both energy and carbon from complex organic compounds just like any chemoheterotrophs would.

Chuck Norris rips the nutrition he needs out of unwilling foodstuffs with his guts.

Chuck Norris can drink dihydrogenmonoxide (The deadliest substance in the world) and live.

Chuck Norris jumped through a thick pane of glass and then was promptly escorted to the closest hospital in the district.

Chuck Norris hit a guy with glasses, and is now in court for his needless violence.

Chuck Norris can play tennis against a brick wall, but after a while, is unable to continue because eventually, he gets tired.

edited 12th Jun '11 1:50:59 AM by AwesomeZombie22

Someone tried to tell Chuck Norris about Warhammer 40k once. Wasn't really his kind of thing.

Chuck Norris writes a regular column for WorldNetDaily because he wishes to espouse rigid right-wing political views with "Religious Right" leanings.

Chuck Norris can try to divide by zero on a calculator. It doesn't work.

edited 29th Jun '11 1:29:32 AM by Slouch

Chuck Norris is a veteran of the Vietnam War (I think).

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris... because they're obviously faster.

If Chuck Norris spawned this meme, he would've fashioned it as "Jesus Christ Facts".

Chuck Norris is a white guy.

Chuck Norris requires a constant stream of a certain mixture of gasses to remain alive.