Gallant and Goofus

Goofus builds a doomsday device to destroy all of creation.

Gallant never takes his pants off in public.

Goofus was arrested 27 times for indecent exposure because doesn't respect the difference between nudist colonies and the outside world, and thinks that he should be able to not have his clothes on anywhere he goes.

Gallant's country is an incredibly environmentally progressive one which saves energy however it can, has laws and incentives preventing population from exceeding carrying capacity, and grows enough of its own food to be entirely self-sufficient.

Goofus's country is the USA. Yep.

Gallant never feeds plants blood.

Goofus feeds off "plant blood".

Gallant proofreads his work thoroughly before publishing.

Goofus doesn't either. He pees on them!

Gallant is a part of Odd Squad

Goofus thinks that show sucks. Apparently Goofus is my dad.

Gallant never buys albums with Parental Advisory stickers, instead listening to the clean versions.

Goofus's playlist consists only of songs that rate 11 on the Mohs Scale Of Rock And Metal Hardness.

Gallant makes sure that his favorite forum games stay alive.

Goofus also helps his favourite forum games stay alive... via shitposting.

Gallant pays his respects for Lee Kuan Yew's passing.

So does Goofus.

Gallant makes his lesson plans.

Goofus turns up 2 hours late, drunk out of his mind, with 50 copies of his daughter's kindergarten worksheets

Gallant makes sure to make a good impression when speaking to his father's military superiors

Goofus turns to his father and asks, "which is the one whose wife you spit-roasted?"

Gallant welcomes the new transfer student with a firm handshake, and invites her to sit with his crowd at lunch.

Goofus instantly calls her a nazi.

Gallant drives a hybrid sweep car.

Goofus drives a Yugo.

Gallant always puts the volume of his headphones at a level which will not damage his hearing.

Goofus was deaf at five years old after blaring out heavy metal in his ears full-blast.

Gallant asked his girlfriend out to prom in a sweet way.

Goofus turns up the volume all the way... and then puts the headphones on someone else's ears and plays one of those videos that make people comment "RIP Headphone Users."

Goofus kidnapped his date and didn't care when she bitch-slapped him.

Gallant knows not to hate on fictional characters.

edited 7th Apr '15 8:23:55 AM by TooManyIdeas

Goofus burns the Scrappies at the stakes.

Gallant is a good storyteller.

edited 7th Apr '15 10:43:26 AM by TroperNo9001

Goofus tells boring stories about omnipotent Mary Sues and will gladly go against his own internal logic to take the story in a direction he and he alone wants it to go in.

Gallant spells everything correctly.

Goofus tipes lk tihs.

Gallant knows to use TV Tropes a reasonable amount.

TvTropes did not just ruin Goofus's life. It also killed him.

Gallant takes medicine as prescribed.

Goofus died of an overdose last Thursday.

Gallant will not eat Brussel sprouts.

Goofus eats them, because only he would.

Gallant gets only what his mom tells him to get at the grocery store.

Goofus gets junk food.

Gallant is straight edge, he never does drugs or alcohol.

Goofus died of OD and high BAC.

Gallant plans his gifts for his loved ones carefully.

Goofus gets them all an orange. The same one. They have to share

Gallant keeps his lawn tidy in order to not make his neighbourhood look shabby

Goofus has a lawn that looks like a wasteland.

Gallant becomes a senator to help better the USA.