Dunno: Cleopatra as... bits of every pop diva, ever... takes some beating. 
Man, Euo, Black Cat, Ninja, I was channeling your spirits today as I was trying to deal with my child.
I took my son grocery shopping with me. I never take him shopping with me. But I thoughtit would be good to get him out of the house and us have some time together.
It was horrible. He wasn't ugly. He was just plain stupid. I hate using that word but there was no other way to describe it. The final straw was when he tried to talk to the cashier and he just kept saying random, incoherant phrases.
He was so excited to just talk and wanted attention so bad he couldn't even string together a full coherant sentance. I had to yell at him that it was time to go. The manager just said it was okay and she had a lot of experience with kids on the spectrum.
Then outside, there were people asking for signatures to get some motions on our local ballot this November. While I was trying to discern if I had signed this one or not, my kid is at it again. Same babbling drunk-like rambling and finally he stops and blurts out something completely stupid and accidently racist. Like nasty slavery racist.
I guess the look on my face was enough the woman collecting signatures squeezed my shoulder and said she raised three with ADHD and told me not to worry they grow out of some of the symptoms as they age.
Within 10 minutes, I had two different people think my son had some sort of developmental condition.
And the worst part? He doesn't. He's been evaluated by several doctors. He's not on the spectrum. He doesn't have ADHD or ADD. He is completely normal.
While I am grateful these conditions have become common knowledge enough people are sensitive and respectful instead of immediately judging me a horrible mother, I shouldn't have to let people think my kid has a disability just to excuse his behavior. Not only is it unfair to parents and children with legitimate conditions, I am tired of my brilliant son just acting so moronic people think he's simple.
I can't tell if I want to cry or scream.
"Psssh. Even if you could catch a miracle on a picture any person would probably delete it to make space for more porn." - Aszur
Keep Calm and Carry On (thinking about chocolate... and brandy... and hitting a cushion when you get home and after the kid is asleep).
From the sound of it, he just needs to get used to crowded places. Maybe get him trained on a place used to exited idiots: the swimming pool? Or... dun-dun-dun... a play-centre... OF DOOM (that's two towns over and virtually impossible to get into outside normal hours 
).
Failing that: chuck him at a McDonalds during rush hour and run, only coming back after the shrill scream of counter-service terror has abated.
Any of those options can be summed up in one simple phrase: throw them into the deep end often enough and they eventually learn to swim. 
edited 25th Jul '14 10:07:18 PM by Euodiachloris
The Mod with the Migraine
Gab: Well, thankfully I have never had my kids do anything like that in public, though I have dealt with the toddler trying to dump an entire shelf of cereal boxes on the floor. And the older two fighting over who got to put groceries in the cart, or push the cart. But you have my sympathies.
That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw
He's already gotten his ass beat at school for his mouth and just not listening. One more strike and he is expelled.
He is starting second grade in a new elementary school this year. I really hope that helps. Kid will be 8 in December and doesn't have a single friend.
My ex and his family aren't helping the situation. They refuse to acknowledge he has any problems let alone acknowledge anything his counselors say.
Aprilla and I have had this discussion even before we started dating. (We met while my son was still an infant.) Either my kid will learn the hard way, the easy way, or not at all.
I can't really do more than I already have. Doesn't make it feel better though or helps me feel like I am honoring my responsibilities as a parent.
"Psssh. Even if you could catch a miracle on a picture any person would probably delete it to make space for more porn." - Aszur
What has he been tested for?
My eldest is the same age, and some of those behaviors sound familiar, but I'm guessing your boy is more extreme — incoherent gibbering, yes; incoherent gibbering to the extent that people state they're familiar with ____, no. I mean, other than "boys." I get a lot of "Oh, I know boys."
I've long suspected my boy has some sensory integration problems (e.g., he has no idea he's yelling, and it took forever to toilet train him). He is doing well at school, though (outwardly excelling, inwardly coping until he can melt down at home), so we have opted to keep observing. He matured a lot in the last year. Thank god.
Eta — literally the same age. 8 in December.
edited 25th Jul '14 11:28:58 PM by nectarbug
Aspergers, Autism, ADHD, ADD, bipolar disorder, the gambit of personality disorders, depression, anxiety, dyslexia, several maladaptive disorders....
He has had his hearing checked, vision checked, MRI, and xrays.
My son is normal.
The incoherent sentence part is nothing compared to many of his other behaviors. The kid was in ISS in first grade. He is a chronic liar. He makes himself throw up. He just has a lot of shit going on with him.
He has a slightly above average IQ. He understands. He just ignores everyone and does what he wants to do.
That's how he has gotten beaten up before. He is a jerk to someone and their older brother has whipped him, or he has honestly been a vicitm of bullying but because of his behavior, teachers don't believe him. (Or because of his behavior, the teachers turn a blind eye.)
Not sure. But a new school is a new school. Luckily this isn't the one that serves the ISS so there is a good chance even the teachers won't know him.
"Psssh. Even if you could catch a miracle on a picture any person would probably delete it to make space for more porn." - Aszur
The Mod with the Migraine
He has a slightly above average IQ. He understands. He just ignores everyone and does what he wants to do.
In her case, though, it was actually a case of being mildly psychotic, inherited from her mom, and you said that was ruled out already.
That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw
Well. I guess you can't say the doctors haven't been thorough.
The social situation sounds like a bully-victim — the kind of kid who gets picked on because they're totally asking for it, by picking on others or otherwise being obnoxious. It's exactly like you said: adults tend to have little sympathy, which puts the child in a difficult position with few outs. That sucks.
This is the age of lying. The only thing to do is to come down like a hammer on the lying itself. I tell my kid I can't take care of him very well if he lies, because if I can't trust him, I have to use my judgment, and I can't feel his body. Maybe he really is hungry right after dinner, but I can't tell, so he won't get more food. He's kind of anxious and weirdly scared of being abandoned, so that cuts right to his insecurities. Poor kid... He's no match for Mama. :D
When you say your boy makes himself throw up, do you mean like a bulimic? Or does he get so worked up that he pukes?
I feel for you, I do. My kids are five years apart for a reason. My eldest is a great kid, but he is a special little snowflake, and I always feel like I'm failing to decode him.
ETA: Sorry, I'm really not trying to offer parenting advice or diagnose your kid over the internet, I promise. I don't know you or your kid, and I have no illusions about coming up with something your team hasn't already thought of. Just to be clear. I had primary lactation failure, and I had so many well-meaning strangers — BLESS THEIR HEARTS — suggesting fenugreek and Guinness that I reached my lifetime quotient of "That's great, but you have no idea what you're talking about" in my first few weeks of motherhood. I just find this stuff interesting — I studied it, and also my own kid... OMFG... I'm serious. Five years apart for a reason.
edited 26th Jul '14 2:58:41 PM by nectarbug
Related: this lady is fucking awesome. http://www.renegademothering.com/
Oh i am not ruling anything out. I'm waiting for an appointment for a second evaluation from the Children's Hospital. It could be my kid is just an asshole, but I am not ready for that yet.
And I really do appreciate you guys and any I sight you may be able to give. I need all the help I can get with him.
He is a horrible liar. Going hungry doesn't phase him. Or losing rights or toys or whatever. He doesn't care because every other weekend when he goes to his paternal family, they load him with junk food, let him do whatever he wants, and treats him like he is still a toddler.
They "never see this behavior". Of course you don't! You spoil a kid all to shit and let him do whatever why should he be defiant? When you never put a child in a position to show how smart he is or give him a challenge how can you see how stupid and immature he talks and acts?! Bah!
Even if I could carry another child safely and made enough money to support it, I wouldn't. This one is too much stress and drama.
The only thing I haven't tried in the past four years is military school or some other form of therapeutic instution. However without an actual diagnosis he doesn't qualify for financial aid and I can't afford a good actual hospital like school with firm discipline.
I refuse to just send him anywhere. But I'm running out of options
"Psssh. Even if you could catch a miracle on a picture any person would probably delete it to make space for more porn." - Aszur
The Mod with the Migraine
Mrs. Ninja left this morning to go collect our other two children from the grandparents, so right now the only two in the house are my and bro-in-law. He's upstairs, I'm downstairs, and it's been that way since she left. Feels very spacious in the house.
That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
Finally home. Stopped to see if some local shoe stores carried a reasonably priced replacement shoe for work. Lucked out that a local sketchers outlet was having a sail. Got a nearly $70 pair of boots for about $30. They look solidly made so if they don't last at least three months I will be rather disappointed.
Who watches the watchmen?
Gabrael — Are they even paying enough attention to see the behaviors?
The inconsistency between the households is a problem, but he should be old enough to understand that different places have different rules. You still might have to remind him of that 300 times a day... That seems normal. My husband and I are always scoping out the other kids at school trying to figure out how weird our kid is. He was not a normal baby — my second kid is normal, so now I know. Kind of a relief, really. Phew. It really is just you, kid. Sorry.
I wrote a whole long thing about my kid's problems, then the browser reloaded and I lost it, and I can't bear to re-write it right now. We have had problems with the standard reward / punishment techniques, too... It'll be like, Sure, you can have a pony! You just have to poop on the toilet first. And then he's all, "I don't want a pony." The same if we try to take privileges away — "Fine, I don't want a pony anyway." Well, fuck me, I'm out of ideas. I remember being kind of intense like that as a kid — I just hated being pushed even if I knew it was going to be fun — so I have learned to back off and set the expectations, then let him meet them in his own way and time. It works well, except when compliance is not optional, like the toilet training. Kid did not poop for over two weeks one time, I swear to god.
One thing I wanted to say, if you don't already know... Smart kids, gifted kids, are often gifted unevenly — really smart in some ways, really retarded in other ways (god, as I type this, my husband is losing patience with my kid, who is being all whiny and floppy and meowing and saying nonsense instead of telling us WHAT THE FUCK HE WANTS). My kid intellectually understands things (like the fact that he'll grow up and move out someday) that he isn't emotionally capable of really getting (like the fact that by the time he's old enough to move out, he'll be way more interested in sex than his parents and it will be fiiiine). So he gets anxious sometimes, because he's overwhelmed by things he literally just isn't ready to know, and then he starts acting weird and annoying. So we spend a lot of time just chilling him out and telling him, hey, you're a kid. That's not your job right now, and I promise it won't be your job til you're ready. This is your job: tell me what is on your mind rather than flailing around on the floor biting yourself and saying "I'm stupid. Kill me." Cuz that is just fucking disturbing, for one thing, and you said you didn't want to talk to a doctor...
So he's really smart, but he had poor impulse control... he had poor verbal communication skills, but he is an amazing visual and procedural learner... He writes and illustrates books, and then tries to tell me he didn't smear mud on his brother, after I just watched him smear mud on his brother, and then smears more mud on his brother while I'm telling him not to do it again.
And I just have to try take him at face value. This is who you are, this is what you're capable of. How do I guide you to who you need to be?
And, you know, I lose my shit and scream at him a lot. Because, for god's sake.
Oh, oh... I meant to say... In California, the gifted education program actually grew out of the special education program. You hear the "Oh, he's so smart, he just gets bored and acts out. He just needs to be challenged" thing a lot, which I guess is true for some kids. But for a lot of kids it's more of a "his brain is developing in an unusual way and we need to challenge his strengths and give him tools to compensate for his weaknesses" thing, even if there is nothing to diagnose. My kid might have a sensory processing thing; it's not screaming real loud, if he does. But he is clearly just wired differently. Anyone who spends enough time with him sees it — fortunately, he shows his exceptional side to the world and leaves the especially unexceptional sides for us in private.
I am the enemy. I am the horrible, evil person who got pregnant then had the nerve to not have an abortion and then was even more diabolical to drag their poor only son to court and demand his accountability.
I was the stupid little 19 (20 by the time my son was born) year old who proved their 23/24 year old son a liar, an adulterer, and a shady piece of shit.
They will never work with me. They refuse to even call him by the name I gave him and try to even introduce him under the paternal last name even though the judge refused to allow his name changed from my last name.
No. They see it. They just don't want to acknowledge it because that means they have to admit the white trash scholarship girl is right and their wealthy academic and career failure of a golden boy is wrong. They can't abide that.
"Psssh. Even if you could catch a miracle on a picture any person would probably delete it to make space for more porn." - Aszur
Today was a productive day: laundry, dishes, papers, etc. were all cleared and put away. I even got my bathroom scrubbed.
Now, I am just trying to figure out what to fix for work tomorrow before I go to bed.
Love the feeling of accomplishment! 
I also put in about twenty more applications for various jobs.
Question for my dog owning CO Bs, do you know of a good brand of rubber toy? My dog is literally shredding everything she used to play with. I think she is in her second stage of teething. She just hit 5 months and weighs 28lbs. She demolishes rawhides too. But I heard they can make a dog sick if you give them to her too often.
"Psssh. Even if you could catch a miracle on a picture any person would probably delete it to make space for more porn." - Aszur
Street Writing Man
I just found out an old friend of mine passed away recently - still finding out the details, but it was natural causes.
We were never that close and we hadn't spoken for almost three years but that was due to distance and busy lives, not any beef between us. And I'd known him since I was about 16 (I'm 34 now). He was a part of the crazy party crew I hung with back then, and we've all stayed more or less in each others orbits since. I remember him showing me the proper way to make a sandwich, as well as how to grip a sword...he was one of my boffer-combat instructors once upon a time.
Worst part? He wasn't that old...mid-40s at most. He makes the third friend I've lost to health issues in the last decade. Sad times. :(
If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~
I'm sorry.
"Psssh. Even if you could catch a miracle on a picture any person would probably delete it to make space for more porn." - Aszur
Street Writing Man
@Gabe: S'ok. Like I said, we hadn't been close for years, it was just really sudden - I saw him at a con a couple years back and he seemed fine. I'm mostly just wrestling with the thought of "dammit, my friends are too young to be dying of natural causes already!"
If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~
Zzzzzzzzzz
My sympathy, Drunkie. It always hurts, even when you've fallen out of touch.
Gabe: Kong brand for rubber chew toys. Or just don't buy rubber or plastic ones at all; buy rope toys and use rawhides for treats rather than chew toys.
...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.
Street Writing Man
Yeah, my Facebook feed is awash in grief right now...most of the old "crazy party crew" stayed in touch via social media and a lot of old friends are really hurting. Offering a lot of condolences, I am.
If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~
rollin' on dubs
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
Kong is a good brand, it's made of the same rubber tires are made out of. Many "Kongs" have grooves or are hollow, perfect for putting peanut butter in them. Keep your pooch occupied for hours. Coat with peanut butter and freeze it. Then give it to Fido.
edited 27th Jul '14 10:22:57 PM by TairaMai
All night at the computer, cuz people ain't that great. I keep to myself so I won't be on The First 48
You know you're getting old when the only reason you look forward to your birthday is the triple points at the gas station and the occasional free or discount food coupons from your emails.
I don't think we could do it in the states because... it's too soon? We are still invested in being this great bastion of liberty, so we are either great and proud, or we fail to be great and we're ashamed (if we can even bear to admit we've failed). I think a country with a history as long as England's has had so many bad rulers, senseless wars, shameful persecutions, and other assorted embarrassments, that there's no illusions anymore — they're just pleased they've managed to hold it together this long. It's like two men on either side of a midlife crisis.