Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted! None of them are yours to make, and all of them will be used against your favor.

I wish for video game A.I not to cheat yet still show enough Artificial Brilliance to be a fun challenge for the players.

Granted, the game cost $10,000.

I wish I was a great at rapping.

Granted, but you're so good you feel compelled to challenge everyone you meet to a sick rap battle

I wish I could not get ninja'd. Ever.

edited 8th Sep '15 8:44:44 AM by StarBee

Forum activity dies out and no thread gets more than one post a month.

I wish youtube would suggest something actually interesting to watch.

Granted. It's interesting in the sense that the videos are really bizarre.

I wish I didn't get butthurt so easily.

Ok, that's an awesome response. A Winner is You.

edited 8th Sep '15 12:57:19 PM by StarBee

Granted. Your thighs and buttocks hurt constantly from now on, insuring that you can never get butt hurt again.

I wish I had a gaming desktop and laptop and both major VR headsets to go with it.

Granted. Both are so old and damaged that they are major fire hazards to use. They both explode in your face and kill you.

I wish for, without anything else happening as a result of me making the wish, to be able to cast the following D&D spells without sideffects and without limit of usage: Shades, Magic Missile, Fireball, Prismatic Wall, Color Spray, Hold Monster, Symbol of Stunning, Forcecage, Disintigrate, Dispel Magic, Chain Lightning, Demand, Antipathy, Knock, Darkness, Acid Splash, Owl's Wisdom, Bull's Strength, Ray of Frost, Wish, Time Stop, Gate, Iron Body, Power Word: Stun, Power Word: Kill, Summon Creature I through Summon Creature IX, and Dimension Door.

Granted, but the system can't handle that big a wish, causing it to break.

I wish...for something good to happen to me by my standards.

Granted, the standards of the alternate version of you who is a serial killer.

I wish my favorite series Had Anyone Can Die rule.

edited 8th Sep '15 3:17:24 PM by Superjohn

Your favourite characters die and your least favourite take the leftover screentime.

I wish I had a highly contagious, mildly irritating disease so I could cause mild irritation to everyone around me.

Granted. It's mildly irritating... until it mutates to make people's brains explode. Have fun with that epidemic!

I wish for a pet elephant.

Granted. Good luck.

I wish that ISIS never existed.

edited 8th Sep '15 4:21:39 PM by TheKaBlammer

Granted, They are replaced with a much more competent and genre savvy version.

I wish I was the ruler of sealand.

edited 12th Sep '15 8:03:53 AM by Superjohn

Granted, but then the animals die out due to a plague.

I wish I had a freeware but still really entertaining Rpg.

edited 8th Sep '15 4:25:12 PM by StarBee

Granted, but it's a So Bad, It's Good kind of entertaining, a la Sonic Adventure. And then Game Grumps plays it.

I wish for stuff.

Granted, but the stuff takes up all your space.

I wish I would write more.

Granted. You can't stop writing. You want to sleep. You want to die. You can't. You can't do anything but write.

I wish I could do a perfect Rick Sanchez impression.

Granted, it's so good that people want to constantly request it. Nobody takes you seriously anymore.

I wish that Mars was fit for human life.

@Starbee: There aren't any animals on Sealand...

Granted. In the process of adapting, we've awakened a Lovecraftian horror. Good luck living while being insane.

I wish to know the meaning of life.

Granted. But it turns out, it's already inhabited by an advanced sentient race who aren't to happy about aliens from the adjacent planet setting up camp on their doorstep...

I wish for no negative repercussions whatsoever to come from my previous wish.

edited 8th Sep '15 6:22:36 PM by MapleSamurai

Granted. But no positive outcomes arise either. Life is boring and monotonous.

I wish I lived in Ireland.

Granted. You're forever under a legal drinking age.

I wish that BLAH

Granted. But BLEURGH.

I wish I lived in Ireland, and I'm of a legal drinking age.

edited 8th Sep '15 6:29:26 PM by trashconverters

Granted. Alcohol is in shorter supply than usual.

I wish for a fish.

Granted. It dies, because you didn't get the PH levels right.

I wish Tony Abbott didn't exist.