The mary stu: how can I make more or less flawed

Whelp just in. I officially suck at creating characters, I thought the weaknesse thing would at least make him easy to exploit or kill yet he's by definition a Marty stu. Let me tell you something, I hate mary sues with a passion. I try the best in my power to make my characters flawed and human yet when I even try they end up becoming a bunch of overpowered mary sues. I'm pretty ticked off to realize this. Here's example of a character I made that I want to fix:

Backstory:He was just a little boy when his father had been killed by his mother, zeilus after she returned from the war between the terians and the dwarves had came to an end. He and his sister were left to the care of kindly middle age lady in a far off village.As life in his humble village was to be expected as peaceful if not monotonous. for a young boy, his magic was quite promising. he was able to conjure up spells that could take years to master and he was prompted to enrolled in davemenson's school of the magically gifted. at first, he was poked fun of by kids older then him but they so learned to respect his gifts (after they nearly got themselves killed in a prank that was suppose to get ezaniel eaten a wood troll). though the years he lived in this humble school, he proved to be talented in the ways of black magic yet never give a second thought on trying white magic because of how he considers it "lame" and never manage to make life more interesting for him. his mentor had hoped his apprentice at least began to open up to it but to no avail. during midnight, ezaniel was currently studying and memorizing each spell for his next magic training session until he felt something was calling. curious, he dropped his book, walked upstairs to his mentor's spell room which laid before him was a wide open tome . he couldn't help but touches it. he begins to read the contents out loud until his mentor barges in and tries to stop before it's too late yet he couldn't make it. the book created a large interdimensional portal that releases a large beast composed of shadow into this world. the beast was about to pounce on ezaniel until his mentor jumps in the way and is dragged into the shadowy portal. the poor young apprentice felt so guilty for what he done. he tried recreating the spell, using spells similar that, and even bashing his head on the tome. left with little options left, he sets off to find someone who knows how to open the portal again in time before his mentor goes mad with insanity due to the dark dimension's effects on the psyche.

• Kung-Fu Wizard: ezaniel prefers to use his staff as more of a melee weapon than a tool for channeling magic.
• Full-Contact Magic: some of his arsenal of moves are like this.
• Kid Hero: and how!
• Black Mage: instead using spells associated with the dark arts, he plays more like those final fantasy black mages.
• The Prankster: seems to like to screw around when he isn't serious.
• Superpowered Evil Side: his dark or chaos form is more willing to kill and will not hold back not even if a enemy begs for mercy.
• Custom Uniform of Sexy: a rare male example. compared to everyone else who are quite modest, he seems to not mind only wearing a open short hoodie and kinda lacking a shirt under it.

Tell me how I can fix his story and make him more flawed. One thing a figured is to maybe tone down the whole child prodigy so he won't end too overpowered and maybe try to add some flaws and different facets of his personality.

edited 9th May '16 4:16:35 AM by ewolf2015

MIA

First of all, what prompts you to think that your character is a Marty Stu?

As I understand it, a Mary Sue is defined—as far as there is a central definition—by the events of the plot, or the character's parts therein, seeming to come easily and smoothly—the character doesn't seem to have any trouble with them, isn't challenged. To address this, don't tell us the stories in which everything went smoothly; tell us the stories in which the characters were challenged.

Second, you say that your character is overpowered. But I suspect that most characters aren't absolutely over- or under- powered—rather, I hold that characters more often are over- or under- powered relative to the challenges that we see them face. As above, if your character is sufficiently powerful that they can easily overcome the challenges presented in the story, perhaps consider focussing instead on different types of challenge.

I'll confess that I only skimmed the chunk of text above, but for what it's worth I don't see much sign of a Marty Stu in what I did read.

My Games & Writing

good news, I finally been reworking that character bio. Sooo maybe just maybe I might get it.

MIA

I have to agree with Ars here. I read everything.

Things that make the character look bad are not listed there. You didn't show the character looking at themselves in a mirror and thinking they are both plain and special. You didn't demonstrate that everybody thinks they are either awesome or terrible. You didn't show them winning every fight, and never getting injured. You didn't show them to be better at everything than everybody else.

What you listed above is not a mary sue.

edited 10th May '16 2:29:02 PM by war877

I wouldn't normally recommend a "Mary Sue Test", but the Katfeete Mary Sue Litmus Test is the best I've seen. It will point out if your character is too perfect/too angsty and give a surprisingly fair commentary.

I put an out-and-out Author Avatar character through it and got the following:

So, if it can say that about a character that is patently based on me (to the point that the test can easily detect it) and give it a pass, it's pretty fair. If I'd overburdened the character with emotional shit or a tragic backstory or had him well loved by everyone or never called out on his faults, the test would've shot the character down as a Mary Sue.

It's up to you if you want to try the test and see if it points out if you're verging into Sue Territory anywhere or gives any warnings.

Mary Sue is an overused term. Just make sure your character isn't superhuman and you'll be fine for the most part.

with all these comments....I'm feeling a bit better.

MIA