My protagonist is too unsympathetic?

I posted a character on the Hero Critique thread. (Page 33, to be specific.) He's meant be somewhat of a modern version of a Hard Boiled Detective, as well as a Jerk with a Heart of Gold. I gave him heaps of unsympathetic qualities. He's an alcoholic, insecure, Jerkass and Green-Eyed Monster who wasted his potential in school, and wallows in self hatred.

Howevever, It seems that my Defective Detective is a bit too defective. I have this scene in my mind where he arrives home after being given a No Holds Barred Beat Down and Eye Scream by a group of thugs, and his girlfriend, (whom I intend to be his Morality Pet) tearfully begs him to go to the hospital, and he refuses because he's scared that the doctors will pity him.

He has Pet the Dog moments throughout the story, such as his status as a Friend to All Children, his goal in the story, (He's investigating a murder of a previous Morality Pet, despite having no legal authority to do so.) and his self awareness of how much of a dick he is.

However, I still found myslef hating this guy. So, SO much. This is a man who drinks all day, makes passive aggressive remarks to people, almost never accepts help from others, and is bitterly jealous over the most minor accomplishments, with no Freudian Excuse to explain his behavior. Who would like this guy?

This is meant to be a tale of Gray-and-Black Morality, (He's going up against a Serial Killer, whom is both a Dark Action Girl and his Evil Counter Part) But just comes across as if he's a Lighter Shade Of Black.

What should I do? Should I lighten him up? (And if so, how?) Or should I just accept that this is a story of Evil Versus Evil?

Here's a link to his page on the hero critique [1]

And here's his opponent [2]

edited 24th Mar '16 5:25:33 PM by n341100

If he's so loathsome that he'd make you stop reading the book, get rid of him. At the very least, have a couple of people (of diverse mindsets) read a couple of scenes. If most of them hate the guy, rework him (I don't know how) or just replace him altogether. But this seems like a very character-centered story, so that might not be possible for you.

Personally, I like what I see. He seems complicated and complications usually make for great storytelling. He's got tons of flaws to work off of, but he's also got a few good points, too. I like that. But I haven't seen him in a scene, either,so there's that.

And after looking over the details of your villainess, I have to confess a growing interest in your story. You've managed to hook me with just two characters. And there isn't even any MAGIC

I feel like you're definitely going for a hard-boiled detective story with a classic femme fatale and I'm living for it. I think you're doing just fine, really; you don't have to like your characters as PEOPLE, just as characters in a story. I'd read the hell out of this story.

edited 24th Mar '16 11:54:57 PM by nekomoon14

Wow, thanks.

I think the most important thing, that doubles as both a redeeming quality and a hook to keep people reading, is that he seems like he has the potential to become a better person. You don't necessarily have to deliver on it, as long as the spark is there. His self-awareness is a good start.

"He has Pet the Dog moments throughout the story, such as his status as a Friend to All Children"

Rather than using that trope because it's a default "make someone seem nicer" switch, think about why he likes children/animals/the meek/whatever. For a lot of people who dislike adults but like children and animals, it's because they seem more genuine and guileless — someone who's seen a lot of betrayal and backstabbing in his life & work might feel that way even more strongly. He's a private eye, so does he have a general desire to help people who are down on their luck? Is he a sucker for a sob story? A guy with a hero complex, buried under mountains of cynicism?

If you've got someone who's an utter douchebag in himself, but goes out of his way to help other people, that's already a seriously redeeming quality. If anything, his self-hatred throws his compassion into sharp relief, makes it stand out more.

Another thing that occurs to me: you say he's such a terrible guy, but he has a girlfriend, apparently one who cares about him. What does she see in him? How does he treat her? How did they meet, what made her fall for him, and vice-versa? Sometimes you meet someone absolutely awful, you're surprised to find they're in a loving relationship, and then you see a completely different side of them through their interaction with their partner.

By the way, these are all just intended as prompts to help you explore how you feel about the character, not criticisms of what you've already described. As nekomoon said, it sounds like you're doing fine already :)

edited 25th Mar '16 9:53:58 AM by johnnye

Maybe you can remove a couple of his flaws, and then replace them with some redeeming qualities? Yeah, that might be easier said than done. But if you don't like your protagonist, you will have no fun writing the story. So give that a try!