A Strong Sense of Your Main Character

Well, now seems like as good a time as any to field this question, because the alternative would probably be me banging my head against a wall for a few dozen hours.

I’ve been trying to get some stuff published recently, because — well, why wouldn’t I? Of course, if it was that easy, I wouldn’t be making this thread. See, a while back I heard from an editor who read my stuff, but said something along the lines of “I would’ve loved to get a better feel for the main character”. And then just recently I heard back from someone else who said — to quote the email/rejection letter — “I didn’t get as strong a sense of the main character as I would have liked.”

Notably, those are rejections for two entirely different stories. Granted the first is novel-length (albeit submitted in a ten-page sampler) and the second is a short story, and I’d like to think that I offered up a strong sense of both characters…buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut it looks like I was wrong and have a fatal flaw in my writing. Or I just happened to run into two separate editors with similar tastes (subjective? Objective? You decide.) It’s either that, or they’re crazy and I’m not — and I find that hard to believe for an infinite number of reasons.

I would’ve figured that I had the whole “give a sense of the main character” thing on lock, because it’s not as if I’ve glossed over anything. As far as I can tell, I’ve done what I can to show stuff like:

• appearance
• personality
• disposition
• dialogue
• tics/habits
• motivation
• role in the story
• strengths/weaknesses
• concerns/worries
• allies/opposition
• internal/external struggles

And probably (well, hopefully) more. So maybe the problem lies in my execution, and I'm not handling that stuff nearly as well as I think. Maybe there’s some missing element that’s holding me back. Maybe it’s both. Or maybe it’s something I never would’ve even considered. In which case? If you guys have any suggestions, I’m all ears.

Am I missing something here? Anything you want to add to that list? Have any good examples (in your work or otherwise)? Let me hear it. I don’t know about you guys, but it tends to feel like I’m trying to join the No Homers Club.

On the plus side, though? I got praised for my descriptions and moving the main characters toward their quests. So, you know. Not a complete wash.

Where can we read your stories? If it's in the execution we'll have to see the exact words you used in your stories.

What are your stories about? What 'main characters' are they specifically referring to? What are the main characters supposed to be like? What are the different traits of those characters? How did you show these traits in your stories?

We need specifics and details.

edited 31st Jan '16 7:29:48 PM by hellomoto

First off, congratulations on not only finishing two stories, but getting them both polished enough to garner not one, but two personalized rejections. You've gotten a lot farther than 95% of writers ever will, so don't forget that.

My gut feeling is that the editors are taking issue with how your MCs are being shown in the story, not necessarily with what of them is depicted. You certainly sound like you have a good idea of how to build a character, which is making me think that you're having problems with execution, as you said. It could be a matter of prose, with the narrative voice or choice of POV not being the best choice of showing your character, it could be a matter of the whole plot being unsuited for the character, it could be a matter of the character's individual aspects not feeling cohesive.

Again, we'll need to take a look and see what it actually is. Preferably as a PM-sent GDoc or other privately shared method so you don't give up your first publication rights. (Can't promise I'll have enough time to help much this week, though.)

I've got the files stored on my computer (naturally), but I'm a little wary about sharing them. Not that I don't trust you or anyone else here, but it's as Crystal Glacia said: one of the stipulations for publishing is that your content can't appear anywhere else — at least not before a certain period of time after publishing/rights reversion, IIRC. So that means even showing stuff online isn't exactly feasible via usual means like my blog. And I'm guessing that nobody here is willing to read a thread post with 7-10,000 words.

I'd like to think that I can post an excerpt or two if you think it's necessary, or send out stuff via P Ms/set up some Google Docs. But for now? I'll just stick to describing as much as I can here.

The MC of the novel-length thing is Arc (who I've actually talked about in the hero critique thread, if you need an in-depth rundown). What's he supposed to be like? A sharp-witted — if sardonic — teen who's very serious about what he wants. Like I said in the hero thread, he's basically a Guile Hero; even though he's pretty good at fighting (to the best of his ability), he's pitted against increasingly-powerful, increasingly-supernatural foes, and has to use his wits to survive, or try and put a dent in the baddies' plans. As early as Chapter 1, he's struggling against forces much bigger and stronger than him, and he knows it; the fact that he can't even figure out what's going on in some instances leaves him frustrated. The very first scene has him cringing over the fact that he can't understand why a classmate of his committed suicide — but rather than dwell on it, he picks himself up and resumes his search for clues. Admittedly that scene might change so I can make a better establishing shot of the setting, but it's a start.

Meanwhile, the MC of the short story is "the prisoner", a convict whose name has long since gone unspoken thanks to his past crimes. As you can guess, the setting's a bit more complex; it's a naturalistic world populated by Petting-Zoo People, and the prisoner is actually a coyote-man, albeit one left haggard by years of imprisonment (as described in-story). The prisoner comes off as — or at least should come off as — someone that's unhinged. Affably Evil, or something like it; he acts friendly and jokes around to the point of being a troll, and he's almost always wearing a smile — even when he's getting pelted by debris when paraded in front of his fellow beast-men. That said, he's not immovable; he cares deeply for his big brother and little sister, to the point where they're the only two that make him break his jovial facade...even when a literal lion king is getting ready to bash his face in. And of course, true to his status (or stereotype) as a coyote, he's definitely a trickster — though it turns out that A) it's for a very good cause, and B) not everything goes according to plan.

I hope that those are enough details for now. I can provide more if prompted, but let's start with this and see how it goes, yes?

Thanks for the kind words. Granted I'd feel a little better if I could get my stuff off the ground — and let's just say I've got more up my sleeve than just those two stories — but on the plus side, I'm pushing towards that goal. And at least (every now and then) the editors will at least tell me what I need to work on...in one line, but whatever. It's better than seeing a rejection and being to forced to wonder what I did wrong. Or if I'm even a good writer. Or crying myself to sleep. (Luckily, that hasn't happened. Yet.)

But yeah, I'm leaning toward execution problems on this one. With the short story, I'm thinking that I might have gotten off to a rough start because the scene starts with him shrouded in darkness — and I've heard that describing a character, especially the critical features, should be done pretty early. Or maybe it's a problem with the voice; I've found that I have a bad habit of spamming the word "just", so another editing run with the novel thing might do me some good. And adding some details — plot-wise or style-wise — is probably a good idea, too.

So yeah, thanks for the advice. If anyone wants to read my stuff in full, then send me a PM and I'll see what I can do. Assuming that I can get this Google Docs thing to work right, but let's cross that bridge when we come to it.