In the center of a bustling city stands its crown jewels, a trio of grand, enormous pavilions. Within the facade of this old palace churns a city all its own, bodies chattering and exploring and roving about in search of the exotic and new and awe-inspiring. After all, no place could be better, for here, in the form of these stalls and displays for this fair, is where the worlds have chosen to convene. On the convention floor, they hawk their creeds, their products, their livelihoods, all competing for the attention of attendees as diverse as they are. But who is this 'they'? Why, anyone, from anywhere at all. From friendly small businesses to ominous corporations, from rebellions trying to gain ground to dying regimes attempting to rekindle their glory, from scientists and scholars to artists and storytellers. If an attendee can think of it, it could very well be here. Who knows what you'll find?
- Current Time: Noon/Early Afternoon (Day 2)
- Current Weather: Clear
Hello, Writer's Block, and welcome to the latest installment of the Character Development Threads! These shared story exercises give you the opportunity to develop your characters, practice writing, and have fun alongside your fellow writers, no signups, profiles, or GM approval necessary. Want to join? If the thread's gotten long, there's no need to fear Archive Panic- just head on over to our discussion thread
and say so, and we'll give you a recap of what's going on and good spots for working your characters into the thread; how you choose to do this is up to you. A little communication in endeavors such as these can go a long way towards having fun, helping others, getting that kink in your character worked out, getting your characters out of their comfort zone, or whatever you're here for, so if you ever have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to ask. We're all for helping each other out.
This thread's designated trope page is here, and its map is here
◊. Don't forget to add your contributions to the page!
In this thread, as the introduction and name suggests, your characters will be coming to a convention, a gathering open to the various and sundry worlds of our stories, whether as attendees hoping to see something cool... or as parts of the exhibition themselves. Yes, you, the writer, will be shaping not just the cast and plots, but the setting as well in the form of stalls and exhibits. Note that this necessitates that we keep a few small things in mind to keep things running smoothly.
- Our standards of location for this thread are intentionally vague to allow ourselves the freedom to make up stalls on the fly as our plots demand, as well as to account for the fact that wandering around between stalls and chatting with your friends is as much a part of the convention experience as the stalls themselves. For the sake of keeping track of people, in lieu of standard location tags in the vein of [Market Hall], we recommend that you also append the names of the characters you're with.
- Though you're welcome to bring a piece of home in the form of a stall and control the characters running it, you're also welcome to bring a stall that exists solely as a plot device without ever mentioning it again. The basic rules to keep in mind are to write a stall as long as it takes to fulfill its raison d'être, whether that's to develop a faction or similar in your work or to keep the plot moving along, and that stalls can be anything. More specific info can be found on the trope page linked above.
- If you find yourself unexpectedly busy in other endeavors after entering the thread, there are easy ways to back out, whether you're writing for attendees or stalls. Attendees can step out into the covered walkways connecting the convention buildings or the adjacent courtyard for some fresh air and relief from the constant noise of the crowds, while stalls can suddenly become flooded with enough nameless background characters to render the stall too busy to reply to any troper characters that were interacting with it at the time.
With all that out of the way, we cordially invite you to stay and experience the Character Worlds' Fair! Onwards!
(Credit for this post and much of the work on the thread belongs to Crystal Glacia).
Fair has now concluded.
edited 31st Mar '15 2:06:36 AM by nrjxll
NO ONE SUSPECTS THE LAMP!
[[Market Hall – Youkai Showcase – Nagako, Mahiro, Nioba, Lihiri, Marion]]
Adelphos’ mouth hung open for a moment at Lihiri’s almost suicidal honesty. There were certainly people in his world who would choose to partake in such…unorthodox practices, but they had the sense not to be quite so open about it. Or maybe things were different where she came from, wouldn’t really be surprising at this point. It was best not to make too much out of it.
“Well, I, for one,” Adelphos replied, recovering from his initial shock, “have no doubts whether or not you are divine; your beauty certainly is, I expect the rest of you would match. I would, however, advice discretion regarding some of those unsavory details. I know of people who wouldn’t take it very well, and I wouldn’t disregard the possibility that there are some like them here as well.”
[[Showcase Hall – Drs. Tsaadlo and Whittaker]]
“Well, I don’t mind telling you,” Adelphos replied, “but my knowledge is very much limited. I’ll try my best to explain as much as I can. From what the legends say, some men have the ability to look into the depths of their soul, and what they see can unlock great powers from within. It is then that these men have Awakened. They say God himself gives them these powers at birth. The powers they possess are different depending on the soul, but each individual’s power is linked to something. It might be fire, it might be water, it might be insects, it might be flower language, but all their abilities will be extensions of that something.”
“Now, it’s hard to get much out of a Sorcerer, but from what I have heard, they have a variety of spells at their disposal and any Sorcerer can use these spells if he knows the right words. They claim it is the power of their Gods itself that they wield, in which case it is fortunate that they lost most of their spells along with their homeland.”
“I would like to add that whenever a Sorcerer creates a Chimera, it is Awakened instantly. As you might expect, they took to trying out as many combinations as they could, and quite a few escaped into the wild. Needless to say, people aren’t particularly fond of Sorcerers.”
edited 1st Oct '14 9:06:27 AM by Elfhunter
If I knew how I know everything I know, I'd only be able to know half as much because my brain would be clogged up with where I know it from
Just flowing with it.
[Showcase Hall - Bindery of Leison]
Lyra's smile visibly widened when Amanita picked the vase; it was one of her creations, although she refrained from bragging about it. "A fine choice for a memento." Lyra briefly ran her finger on the mouth of the glass, "All those glassware are deceivingly normal. but equally, they hold a single circuit: glow." A warm, elusive light was barely visible under the stall's lights, radiating from the glass. It reacts not to specific powers, but to the presence of one, anyone, no matter from which world, who can produce even a miniscule amount may grant this glass its right to be radiant." Lyra said.
"As for how much it costs, I doubt I can reliably state it in gold, seeing how this fair brings together many a world, each with differing view on which things are of value. But where I come from, this is worth sixteen gold pieces." Lyra stated. It was far from a tall value in Arlond, especially for glassware made out of Mirsand, which are abundant.
Nothing for Leo so far. No idea where I should take him.
[Market Hall — Youkai Showcase]
"I'll do that," said Marion, nodding. She looked over the jewelry a bit longer, occasionally "hmm"ing to herself. Sometimes she'd lean in to examine something more closely.
After a while, she picked up two pieces: a simple golden necklace with a piece of lapis lazuli hanging from it and a silver bracelet with intricate designs throughout. "What can you tell me about these two?" she asked.
[Market Hall — Nhesvrasila, Inc.]
Shane stuck his head around Ila and said to Alice, "I'll be with you in a minute, ma'am."
To Ila, he said, "The radius of the shell — or sphere, if you go with that — generally depends on the specific model, but this one is good for about six feet. As for operation..." He held the AFG up so Ila could see a clearly-marked "on/off" switch. "Just like that." And if you need more help than that, you need help that I can't give.
[Showcase Hall — Drs. Tsaadlo and Whittaker]
"Hmm," said Richard. "Interesting." He wanted to go a bit more in-depth, but, A: Adelphos had said he didn't know much, and, B: that was the sort of thing better suited for reading from textbooks or research papers, anyway, something he didn't have. So he didn't say anything.
After a moment, Myles coughed. "So, um," he asked. "Do you have any other questions about our work?"
"I can give a demonstration, too, if you want," added Richard.
[Courtyard]
"Maybe it isn't such a big deal," Kassandra answered, "but unlike my companion here..." she motioned towards Steve, "I'd rather draw as little attention to myself as possible."
Kassandra then turned towards Makoto. "Not particularly. My people are well equipped to handle the island's wildlife. I had my first hunt at the age of 10."
"Show-off," Steve muttered under his breath, before chiming in on the conversation, "I've fought a few large monsters in my time... I mean, they weren't kaiju or whatever you called them. Most of them were machines, or alien machines, or that one crazy scientist who injected himself with this thing that turned him into a hulking beast... pretty tough stuff."
edited 1st Oct '14 5:20:47 PM by LordGreyjoy
[Courtyard]
"I see." Makoto is disappointed, and slightly envious of Kassandra's early start. Of course, she probably started small, while Makoto's first kill was a Rank E* Kaiju she dropped at age 17.
Makoto quickly found herself getting bored, so she asked Steve and Kass, "Care to visit the entertainment area with me?"
(*In Makoto's verse, a Kaiju's strength is ranked by letter, E-A then S.)
"Doki Doki Lit. Club" is a happy game where nothing bad happens. seriously tho? not for the faint of heart.
[Showcase Hall - Bindery of Leison] (Amanita, Lyra)
"Fascinating," Amanita said. She touched the vase with a gloved hand — even through the glove, enough power crept through to light up the vase. "Potentially useful. Magically purified water can be trouble. Amanita pulled out a pouch and offered sixteen gold coins, each pure, about the size of thumb's last digit, and too worn to identify. "This suffices, yes?"
[Market Hall — Nhesvrasila, Inc.] (Alice, Ila, Shane)
Alice gave a nod at Shane's confirmation, and reacted to Ila's staring by very briefly breaking her professional demeanor for a rather dangerous-looking smirk. Had her reputation preceded her, or did she merely bring to mind someone else the winged woman had known? Still, she continued to wait patiently.
[Market Hall - Nhesvrasila, Inc. - Shane, Ila, and Alice]
"Ah, it's always nice when things are user-friendly," Ila said to Shane, "let's try it out." She turned the shell-based AFG on, and set it down on the table again.
Walking over to where the shell of antimagic was (whether it was visible normally or not) she waved the plate of lights through it, before holding it back up inside the shell. Seven of the lights on top, from the second to the eighth, had gone out, while the first and the rest stayed lit. This is, of course, assuming it actually works as described. Otherwise something else would happen.
"Hmm, looks like a Type 7," Ila said, mostly to herself. She then walked back over to the table, and turned the generator off. "I think these will be acceptable, how much for one of each type?"
Danger: Intense gravimetric distortions nearby. Please reverse the polarity on your deflectors now.
NO ONE SUSPECTS THE LAMP!
[[Showcase Hall – Drs. Tsaadlo and Whittaker]]
“I would like that very much,” Adelphos replied to Richard, “as long as I’m not the subject.” By this point, Adelphos was convinced that they were paying no heed to the squirrel, so he willed it to return to his shoulder, which it promptly did so. Considering what he was dealing with, it was entirely possible Richard had seen more fantastic things than this before. No matter; for the time being, it served him better to learn as much he could about their magic.
[[Courtyard - Makoto, Steven, Kassandra, Rosa]]
“As the queen demands,” Adelphos said playfully, “This humble traveler will take your secret to his grave.”
As the topic moved towards fighting monsters, he said, “I envy you people. All I can do when a Grotesque or a Chimera attacks is run as fast as my legs can take me.” He turned to Steve in particular, “As I recall overhearing, you even have a title – the ‘Amazing Blur’ was it. I’d like to know how it is you came about it.”
If I knew how I know everything I know, I'd only be able to know half as much because my brain would be clogged up with where I know it from
Just flowing with it.
[Showcase Hall - Bindery of Leison] (Lyra, Amanita)
"I believe so." Lyra said, accepting the payment. In a practiced motion, Lyra handled the vase and wrapped it with a white cloth, before putting it inside a simple bag. In her mind resounded a statement Amanita previously made, prompting her to ask out of curiosity, "Do you, as a goddess, consider that happenstances, coincidences, are what is meant to be, not merely an anomaly amongst occurrences normal?"
It might be considered out of the blue, but Amanita's apparent wisdom prompted her train of thought to places it often skipped. "Perhaps, to word it better, are unlikely encounters fate, or chance?"
[market hall - near Youkai Showcase (Iris)]
She came across a stall that looked rather unassuming despite the crowd that it managed to gather. At the end nearest to her was another one of those dragon-people. In the interests of not disturbing it, Iris deliberately veered too far away for Mijo to taste, around a group passing between them. The resulting stare was palpable, and she merely gave him a disapproving glance before looking straight ahead again. But this was to Mijo's benefit, as he found something else to bother, a fellow shoulder-pet. And it was small and furry, to boot! Hopefully it'd taste good.
The wyvern did a quick glance of their surroundings, just to show that he was actually doing as he was told. He waited for the right moment, when he would be directly behind the furry-thing, then reared his head back and struck, antimagical venom rushing into his titanium fangs.
edited 2nd Oct '14 6:54:59 PM by CrystalGlacia
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
[Showcase Hall - Bindery of Leison] (Lyra, Amanita)
"Fate." Amanita frowned at this question. It was more troubling than Lyra had imagined, at least from Amanita's perspective. "All things look inevitable after they are done, say some. Fate is imagined. Laid upon the past. Shaping the future only because people believe in it." She took the vase, and it vanished in a puff of smoke that smelled of freshly-dug earth. A new farm, or a new grave. "Others say stories have power. That they are not just imaginings. That they are reality, yes."
She closed her eyes in thought. "The mightiest of occultists may know. The answer could be in the Void they search. Perhaps that is what shatters their minds." Her eyes opened, now intense. "Are some questions best forgotten?"
edited 2nd Oct '14 6:02:54 PM by KillerClowns
[Market Hall — Nhesvrasila, Inc.]
The produced by the AFG wasn't visible, but it worked exactly as described.
"Excellent," said Shane, nodding. "That'll be one hundred dollars for the base AFG and one-fifty for the shell AFG." He hoped that the price wouldn't scare her away; a lot of people didn't appreciate how complex the devices were and just assumed they'd cost only twenty or thirty dollars.
[Showcase Hall — Drs. Tsaadlo and Whittaker]
"Oh, come on," said Richard, semi-jokingly. "It's painless and easily reversible."
"I've had it done on me a few times," added Myles. He glanced at Richard. "But-"
"I know, I know," said Richard, waving a hand at Myles. He stood up and went to the other side of his chair, where there was more room. Midway through a step, his posture suddenly twisted and bent forward as his body melted. By the time his foot hit the floor, Richard had completely changed shape into a large wolf, almost three and a half feet at the shoulder.
Wolf-Richard turned in place to face Adelphos and sat down. He tilted his head a little and said, "And that's that. Simple."
[Showcase Hall - Martian Dynamics]
Drawing surprisingly few glances from the crowd, a tall, female humanoid alien made her way through the Showcase Hall. She had mottled green skin and no visible hair, but was still somewhat attractive in a lean, hard sort of way. It would be impossible to mistake her for a human in costume or makeup, however, as her limbs bent in ways as she moved that were slightly but unmistakeably different from that of any human.
The alien wore a long, faded red coat over dark clothes of a vaguely military cut, though there was nothing identifiable as rank or unit insignia on it. Two guns - strangely-shaped but still unmistakeable - clung to the sides of the coat, though nothing was obviously holding them there. One was stumpy and dull bronze, the other elongated with silver and blue markings. Most of her face was concealed with massive wraparound sunglasses - large enough to suggest that, unless they were extremely disproportionate, the alien had much bigger eyes than a human - with mirrorlike lenses and faintly-glowing blue lines on the non-glass parts.
As she made her way through the hall, she spoke in a hoarse voice, apparently to thin air. "Yeah? Okay, how long? Nah, I'll be fine. Yeah. Rey out." This conversation didn't seem to significantly distract her as she weaved her way through the crowd, until she stood outside the Martian Dynamics building. Stopping speaking, she surveyed it for a moment, expression mostly unreadable behind the huge sunglasses, then shrugged - again in a fashion suggesting joints that were subtly different from a human - and walked up towards the tarp.
Market Hall - Youkai Showcase (Lihiri, Nioba, Adelphos, Mahiro, Marion, Nagako)
Nioba rolled her eyes at Adelphos' attempts to flirt with Lihiri. She wondered if he would have been nearly as enthusiastic if he fully understood Zinji anatomy...
She had to admit that she wasn't fond of the man, and not just because he was flattering Lihiri while implicitly disapproving of her behavior. She liked to think that she was a good judge of character, and from what she'd seen of him, she had a sense that his actions were not governed by moral convictions. And that creature on his shoulder did not seem natural. He seems like the type who'd be right at home in Vardalgar...
Lihiri smiled at Adelphos' advice. "Oh, there are plenty of people back on Muttra who disapprove of me and Nioba. But most of them are Followers of Walden, who don't seem to like anyone to begin with, and the few who violently object tend to stupid enough to try and attack Nioba." She paused. "They don't usually survive that."
Suddenly, a strange woman approached, bearing a wyvern on her shoulder, which lashed out and attacked the creature on Adelphos' shoulder.
Lihiri cried out in shock and stepped back, preparing to cast defensive magic if necessary.
Nioba sighed as she reached for her sword and began moving to position herself behind the assailant in case this turned into a battle...
edited 3rd Oct '14 11:47:26 PM by StrixObscuro
By now, it should be clear to all except the most dense of us that sheep are secretly conspiring to kill us all and steal our pants.
[Market Hall - Nhesvrasila, Inc. - Shane, Ila, and Alice]
Wow, that's really cheap, Ila thought, Usually these sorts of things cost in the thousands - unless they're very common where he's from. Of course, this is assuming we're both thinking of the same dollars from the same time period...
"Actually, would you take gold instead?" Ila said. She placed her tray of lights away again into what looked like an invisible box in front of her, then took out a small gold coin with the same hand, and placed it on the table. It weighed 15 grams, was round with a raised border, and had the words "Au 100% Pure" stamped onto its face. This amount of gold today would be worth over $500 (USD). Of course, since it's atomically pure, it might be worth considerably more for certain applications.
Danger: Intense gravimetric distortions nearby. Please reverse the polarity on your deflectors now.
[Market Hall - Nhesvrasila, Inc. - Shane, Ila, and Alice]
Alice took a few steps forward and added, "and if you don't take precious metals, I'm afraid we'll have to figure something else out. I planned on paying in the same. You probably expected this, though — exchange rate is enough of a b... problem on a single planet." Of course, there were all sorts of ways one could manipulate the trans-dimensional precious metals industry. Hell, Western Amalgamated had done it for the inter-planetary; they'd had a great thing going with the Maurosian aluminium trade. Good times, Alice reflected, good times. Shame the Kykzavi figured out Hall–Héroult. Wonder if the fairy girl has some sorta Alchemist's Stone or something? Eh, not my problem; a visit this brief means there can't be any large-scale economic manipulation like we did.
edited 4th Oct '14 8:31:41 AM by KillerClowns
[Market Hall — Nhesvrasila, Inc.]
After a moment's thought, Shane took the coin and examined it. He ran a few numbers through his head, and... yeah, this ought to be enough. Assuming it was pure. He bit down on it examined it. It bent readily enough, but could still have a lead core. He quickly examined it via arcanoception; same all the way through. Good enough.
"While I can take this," he said to Ila and Alice, "for liquidity reasons, it needs to be done as a bartered exchange, and so I can't give you any change; the value of gold might change between the time I get this sold, leaving my register who knows how many dollars over or under what it says."
He paused for a moment. It was rather astonishing how many problems the next sentence solved. "We also take credit cards and let the computers handle exchange rates."
Rosa had her own thoughts about secrecy. "If being royalty is part of who you are, then embrace it. I had to deal with hiding my magic for twenty years, and I hated it every second. The day that the existence of magic came to light for humans, it was like someone had lifted a weight off my wings. Of course, being a magical being in the open has its challenges, but I wouldn't go back for all the money on Earth."
Forward, boys! For God's sake, forward!
[Market Hall - Nhesvrasila, Inc. - Shane, Ila, and Alice]
"If it's all the same to you, I think the gold would be best, and I don't need any change," Ila said, smiling slightly, "should I just take these two here, then?"
That, and the computer interface would likely be exceedingly complicated, as I don't think we have a connection to his universe, she thought.
Danger: Intense gravimetric distortions nearby. Please reverse the polarity on your deflectors now.
Attitude is prohibited
[Market Hall - Tevarian's Booth with Tamara]
Tamara was quite startled when she received a telepathic response from the strange presence inside the sword. 'Huh?!" She said, aloud. "You can talk?!" She paused for a moment, and looked over at Tevarian. "Hey, uh, mister? What's an... O-So-jo-mi?" She said, carefully sounding out the strange word.
Selina's sword can't talk. She thought. At least, she's never mentioned it being able to talk. I wonder what's going on?
edited 4th Oct '14 9:43:56 PM by Blackfire667
Not entirely dead.
[Market Hall — Nhesvrasila, Inc.]
"All right," said Shane, nodding. "Just give me a sec." After fiddling a bit with the register's computer to recognize the transaction as a barter, he deposited the coin into the drawer and handed Ila her AFGs and receipt in a bag. "Thank you for shopping here, and have a nice day."
That settled, he turned to Alice. "Now then," he said, "what can I do for you? A purchase? A description of a specific product?"
[Market Hall — Nhesvrasila, Inc.]
Alice stepped forward and said, "overheard your conversation a bit. Those solid-field AFGs you described sound like they'd fit the job. But we'll be needing them a bit bigger." After a moment's thought, deciding how much to say, she decided she'd ask outright: "you do any special for UCAVs?" In case Shane wasn't familiar with the technical term, she added, "drones? If not, a model just one a bit over thirty-five feet in diameter will cover the thing, folks at the lab should be able to integrate it in."
Then she tapped her chin and added, "also, you got anything a bit more esoteric? Something that can stop a thing moving if magic set it in motion?" She managed to make the question sound casual, as if she knew such things existed and merely found them sometimes troublesome to obtain at worst. She was completely aware most researchers had agreed what she was asking for was impossible, though. Antimagic had no power over Newton's First Law, a fact clever mages used to their advantage. But on the off chance Nhesvrasila could provide this, she saw no reason to inspire them to raise the price. And if Shane started to lecture her, he'd hopefully notice the knowing grin that would appear in response.
edited 4th Oct '14 10:20:56 PM by KillerClowns
[[Courtyard]]
Steve beamed with pride at the mention of his title. "Well my friend, once someone with my extraordinary abilities reaches a certain level of fame, the people need-"
"-He gave himself the name," Kassandra interrupted. "He's a superhero, and everyone knows his real name anyway. Apologies for interrupting, but Steven isn't the kind to stop telling a story about himself."
NO ONE SUSPECTS THE LAMP!
[[Market Hall – Youkai Showcase – Nagako, Mahiro, Nioba, Lihiri, Marion]]
“That may well be the case…” Adelphos began, but Lihiri’s cry signaled that some swift movement was in order. He quickly squatted, with his left hand on the ground for support, while half-turning to see what it was that had attacked him. Meanwhile, the squirrel dismounted from his shoulder and scurried under one of the tables, prepared to strike when the enemy was distracted.
It was a dragon. Or an approximation thereof. A very tiny approximation. Perhaps it was just an infant that just happened to be flying too low. Even though it was pretty vicious looking, it didn’t seem much of a threat…
Leave this to me, the voice declared from inside.
Wait, No! Adelphos thought, but it was too late; the reigns had already been handed over. He ejected flux from his body and Released it, launch himself off the ground with the burst of energy it gave. He managed to grab the dragon from the back of the neck, the spot he was sure the creature couldn’t bite or scratch him from, before landing back on the ground. The horns on the dragon’s head dug deep into his hand as it struggled to get free; but if Adelphos felt anything at all from it, then a contemptuous smile was all he was willing to show.
“It’s not often that a meal comes flying right at me,” Adelphos said, his voice noticeably more perky, and turned around, “Now, who do you I have to thank for my lunch?”
[[Showcase Hall – Drs. Tsaadlo and Whittaker]]
“Impressive,” Adelphos managed to say while mentally noting all details. Doesn’t need any words, almost instantaneous, doesn’t seem to visibly tire him, and the size is extraordinary for a wolf. It might be possible for him to shift between forms repeatedly and without anyone noticing either. I won't be turning my back to you any time soon, lizard man.
“But you seem to still retain the ability to talk. Is it normal for wolves to have that capability or do your insides remain the same even after the transformation?”
[[Courtyard - Makoto, Steven, Kassandra, Rosa]]
“That seems…much less impressive than I’d imagined,” Adelphos replied. He was trying to get Steve to blab about his abilities, no matter how exaggerated his account, and didn’t much appreciate Kassandra’s interruption. “But it’s not uncommon for a warrior to choose a suitable title for himself, if he feels it serves him best. Why this particular title though?”
If I knew how I know everything I know, I'd only be able to know half as much because my brain would be clogged up with where I know it from
[Market Hall - Nhesvrasila, Inc. - Shane, Ila, and Alice]
"Actually, I can fly without magic, it just makes it easier," Ila said, "and to tell the truth - I'm looking to buy these for someone else, I'm not planning on using them personally."
"Either way, let's test the shell generator first," she said, "how far does the shell extend out, and how do I operate the device?"
She stared at Alice when she arrived for a bit longer than would be normally polite, thinking, she really looks a lot like... no... that's extremely unlikely. She then turned back to Shane for an answer.
Sorry for the slow posting, but my internet has been failing out quite a bit this week. :(
Danger: Intense gravimetric distortions nearby. Please reverse the polarity on your deflectors now.