Hilarious Dialogue You Have Shared With Another Person

Sister: Yo, what's taking you so long in there???

Me: I'm constipated.

Sister: I don't give a shit!

Me: I can't give a shit!

edited 29th Jun '13 2:05:46 PM by MechaJesus

While playing bocce ball with a friend and his brother

Me: Why are you holding balls to your face?

Friend: why are you holding balls in your hands?

Me: touché

Friend (to his brother): Hands off my balls, Will!

I wasn't involved, but this exchange between my Dad and little brother was hilarious.

Dad (waiting to leave the house with my brother): "Are you coming? Hurry up!"

Brother: "Just a sec."

Dad (loudly): "No more secs!"

Everyone burst out laughing. Say it out loud if you don't get it.

Brother: "The last man on Earth is in a windowless room. There's a knock on the door. Who is it?"
Me: "It's a bear."
Brother: -Breaks down laughing-

It's now become an inside joke of our family that if something weird happens, it's a bear.

edited 3rd Jul '13 1:44:43 PM by Steventheman

Blah opinions and take thats.

Online friend: My favorite thing about Frozen is that absolutely no one on tumblr likes it.

Me: EVERYTHING IS WHITE. THE SNOW IS WHITE. THE CHARACTERS ARE WHITE. WHITE. EVERYWHERE.

Online friend: Do you think if I go see it, I’ll walk out of the theater caucasian?

edited 3rd Jul '13 6:39:23 PM by Hermiethefrog

I'm apparently kind of out of the loop, because I was thinking of the other Frozen... Which I guess could also be said to involve white characters in white snow.

Probably more corny than funny, but I like when I get the opportunity to make a bad pun in the course of my work day. The set up is that the elevator wasn't working for half of the day, and someone had finally discovered and fixed the problem:

Me: So what was wrong with the elevator?
Coworker: There was a marble stuck in the door
Me: Well, it makes sense that somebody would lose their marbles around here...

*

And one I think I may have mentioned in the "strangest thing you've said today" thread: Initially my friend and I were discussing Bad Lip Reading's "Morning Dew" and pondering how Jay Z could "give a rock to a fish"... Several changes of discussion topic later, we're now talking about astrological signs:

Him: I'm a pisces.
Me: Oh, I'm a capricorn. I'm a goat, you're a fish... Wait, maybe Jay-Z could give you a rock!

edited 3rd Jul '13 8:01:47 PM by MikeK

At work a couple of weeks ago, two of my coworkers and I somehow got into a long-winded discussion about the Holocaust and such, stemming somewhat from one of them (who comes from a Jewish background) talking about throwing herself into the oven and the other one (who is partially German and had a grandmother who pretty much was a Nazi) teasingly complaining about all the paperwork she'd have to fill out if she did that. I swear, this all makes a lot more sense in context.

My little cousin: You can do it! You just have to believe in yourself!

Me: Good words to live by, but I just can't make a Mii of a Dalek.

edited 3rd Jul '13 11:22:52 PM by DrFurball

I'm gonna make it my life mission to do that now to prove you wrong.