tips for avoiding telling instead of showing

I have a problem with "show, don't tell".

what would you advice me to stop that bad habit?

First, write what you want to write without considering "show, don't tell".

Then, rewrite every instance of telling by asking yourself "how can I get across this information without just saying it". Well, not necessarily EVERY instance. You can get away with SOME telling. Just not a shitton of it.

thanks planing is a big flaw of mine I wll try.

There are some things that are very hard to tell in a book.

For instance, if I say someone is good looking, all you have is my words to tell you. If you try and describe the details to paint them as attractive, you get crappy romance. In those scenarios, it's best to remember that everyone interacting will be aware of the looks, and act differently. Slightly.

Stuff like that is good to keep in mind.

For "attractive" people, I personally found the best thing to be to avoid purple prose. Not quite to the point of biege, but you know. You're showing them, but you're not showing them with flowery, useless language that is just painting your characters as shallow.

edited 9th Apr '12 9:37:13 AM by Pattyunknown

You could "show" attractiveness by the behaviour of other characters. Attractiveness is subjective, but someone finding someone else attractive is an objective fact.

When describing a person's appearance, describe it with actions. E.g. "the golden locks that cascaded down his back swayed to and fro as he walked forward" and "he lifted his straight, aquiline nose and his forest-green eyes widened in surprise at the sight."

Never take more than one or two sentences to describe a person's appearance. Never describe it all at once, because that's info-dumping, which is bad. Never describe every article of clothing, just describe the effect they're going for, like "bright and cheery colors." Use analogies, like "her clothes were of the fashionable gothic-punk-emo style, like what one would see at Hot Topic" and "the rainbow-colored knee-high socks were an ugly indicator of her poor eyesight."

Your mileage may really bleeping vary on this, and I want to leave it at that.

A rule of thumb is that if plays out as a movie in your head when you read it, you've probably done an adequate job with description.

Also, learn to take command of more descriptive words. You don't need to add a bunch of colorful adjectives and adverbs on all the time. Usually just switching out words works as well.

Example: She held the letter above his head barely out of reach; he still managed to jump up and grab it from her hands.

vs.

She teasingly dangled the letter slightly beyond his grasp; he still managed to spring up and snatch it from her hands.

Changing the wording is a good way to spice up rather bland passages without adding unnecessary detail.

Well, that doesn't work TOO well. A book is not a movie, and never will be. Mediums should not be interchangeable.

What about The Film of the Book and Novelization?

edited 10th Apr '12 12:52:56 PM by Collen

A book can be adapted into a movie, but a book is not a movie.

There's also the fundamental mistake of seeing a scene play out perfectly in your head and writing it without realizing that nobody else can read your mind.

Really... I'm trying to find a good way to describe this, and I think a lot of it has to do with thinking of ways to describe stuff. Part looking at the world around you with an eye for what makes something what it is; part reading the works of others and thinking about how they pulled you into their world.

That's sorta how I see it.

Here are some rules:

1) Explain characters' personalities and backstories through actions and dialogue 2) Use the setting to explain the plot, characters, and motivations

Of course, rules sometimes are broken, so take heed.

Have objects in the room hint to back-story and exposition.

If a character is getting divorced, have them looking at papers and say "The word Annulment is written."

edited 10th Apr '12 3:19:12 PM by Saturn

Although that works better in a visual format.

Fallen Legend, you tend to state things in very straightforward terms without a lot of description. That forces the reader to do all the work of figuring out what the scene would be like if you were there. For example, here's how you describe someone kidnapped by a black dragon in your story "Walking on Dreams:"

We know the dragon is big and black and that it has claws, but that's all. We don't know anything else about how it looks, and nothing about how the scene sounds, feels, or smells. We don't know where it is with relation to Ximena or what exactly it's doing aside from holding Luna. We don't know if Luna is frightened or being brave. Compare that to a black dragon attack from A Dance with Dragons (possible spoiler):

George R. R. Martin describes how the scene looks (the dragon blocking the sun), how it sounds (wings flapping, the boar screaming), and how it feels (the heat off the flames). We know specifically what he dragon is doing (flapping wings, breathing fire) and how the boar is reacting (raising its head, snorting).

@Mr AHR: I think what they're trying to say is that the words used to show instead of tell should be evocative, allowing readers to quickly form their own mental images of the scenes on the page.

I read a great quote the other day which I think describes it very well:

"To draw the wind, draw the branches of the willow being blown by the wind."

In other words, instead of describing something directly, describe things around the thing that indicate what it is you want to describe. To give an example, instead of saying something like, "He felt happy," you could say "A smile sprung up on his face."

Also, vocabulary is important, but I understand that's difficult for a second-language learner like yourself. I'd say for now, until you really, really feel comfortable writing in English, try focusing more on describing "around" things.

Or write in your own language.

Yes, but Fallen is trying to get better at writing in English and wants to be good at it.

It's also worth noting that Spanish is not quite as awash in synonyms as English is. The standards of good word choice are different in Spanish. English's vocabulary is... rather unique in its expansiveness.

edited 21st Apr '12 2:40:13 AM by FreezairForALimitedTime

sory for the late reply thank you everyone I read every post :)

@Jeweled I really like the way you explained it to me I can't wait to try top convey every sense(the way you explained to me was great imo). I appreciate a lot your help :) thank you for taking the time helping you are very nice.

@Frezair I simply loved your wind explanation you are so nice :D You are mong my favorite people here Thank you for those words of wisdom

The wind explanation actually came from a French story, which my friend translated and sent to me. I don't know the name of the author, but the instant I read that line, I thought, "That is the perfect way to describe Show, Don't Tell."