Please read the rules below before posting. We're taking turns to post text, and text posted out of turn will be hollered.
The discussion over at the "Is being Troperiffic a Bad Thing?"
thread got a few of us seriously talking about starting a full-fledged, free for all dedicated ConCrit thread. Thanks go to your friendly neighborhood Herald, Chihuahua0, for giving this the go-ahead 
This is how it's going to work:
- This thread is for helping people improve as writers. Please stay away from needlessly gushing or needlessly being mean when handing out criticism.
- No mentioning your own work when giving out criticism. This is to prevent "Let's talk about ME" derails.
- Feedback will be given to one person at a time. We're taking a deliberately slow pace; a person's turn to get feedback is generally supposed to last a week, but we're not ending someone's turn until they get feedback from at least five different people. On the other hand, the person getting feedback can end their own turn if they figure they're done.
- When a turn ends, we wait 12 hours to see if anyone of the people who have just given feedback wants to be up next. If they don't, we pick the person up next from the feedback request list.
- Yes, it's okay to point out spelling and grammar errors made by the person you're giving feedback to.
- If you're unfamiliar with the original verse of a piece of Fan Fiction up for feedback, pretend it's a piece of original fiction and criticize accordingly.
- If and when you step up to receive feedback:
- Post actual writing (not world-building, concepts, layouts, character lists and so on).
- Be specific in what you are looking for, or at least mention what is troubling you the most.
- Fan Fiction is fine, but take into account that anyone not familiar with the source material will judge your piece "blind", essentially by the same standards as original fiction. This means you might get called out on flaws that fan fiction usually gets away with in practice, perhaps even justifiably so. Just like any other kind of criticism, consider it or ignore at at your discretion.
- Be ready to hear some things you probably didn't want to hear. This should go without saying, but, please: No being bitter, being sarcastic, calling people out for "going too far" or otherwise expressing disapproval of the criticism given to you. If you think people are being unfair to your writing, make your case civilly.
With that said, I suppose we can begin and see whether this goes anywhere. The first person to respond with a post to the extent of "I'll go first" will go first.
edited 17th Feb '12 5:07:01 PM by TripleElation
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
However, there might be a problem when two people who gave feedback both want to have their story critiqued next, so perhaps there still should be a waiting period. It's not like people submit to the Troper Critique Club every day.
Scissors-paper-stone?
edited 8th Feb '12 7:46:18 PM by QQQQQ
Diagonalizing The Matrix
I edited the OP, including the queue-like-thing.
Pretentious quote || In-joke from fandom you've never heard of || Shameless self-promotion || Something weird you'll habituate to
A question: are we allowed to link to off-site locations that have our stories, or is this only for "bite-sized" pieces for criticism like AHR's?
Diagonalizing The Matrix
I don't see why not. If it's very long people may end up reading just a part of it and giving feedback only on that part, but other than that it's as good a way as any.
Anyway, we have twelve-minus-something hours left until the next round, and I have a final exam in computer security that I totally should have studied for at exactly that time (and then I'm going out with my GF to drown my academic sorrows in alcohol). So sadly I won't be here at that time, and in fact it means I should probably go to sleep right now to get at least four hours or something.
I think I'll be off, then. God help me.
edited 8th Feb '12 8:11:32 PM by TripleElation
Pretentious quote || In-joke from fandom you've never heard of || Shameless self-promotion || Something weird you'll habituate to
And...we're now pinned. I'll try to contribute a real critique next round. Hopefully, we'll keep this thread going for another few months, if we're lucky.
Well, it seems to (in terms of posting) have already achieved far greater success then Uncle Drunkie's, so that's something.
Man, I sometimes hate being a Brit: things move when you're asleep. 
About the changes to the thread-management system: I like the tweaks. We'll probably have a few more to do before this beds down properly, though. Perhaps, to spread the burden of the criticism, allowing a single work to be shared by 2 critics with specialisms in different areas. Dunno. Howsabout a Lottery-system for choosing? Applications, put into a pot: dealt out? Reapplying allowed if you got unlucky the last time?
Good morning and good night
Well, I thought the general quideline was criticism from at least five people?
I don't know if a lottery system would work out so well if a particular attribute is needed/desired in the critic, for example if a fanfic author would prefer someone who's read the original work.
Be not afraid...
I'll do my best to get in on the next round of critiques.
Apparition in the Woods
I am also likely to contribute to the next round. It seems much more comfortable here than in the Critique Club, less cramped.
edited 9th Feb '12 8:08:06 AM by JHM
I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.
Ahr river
I'll try and contribute too. I don't have any writing I need looked at, but yeah, whoohoo.
Read my stories!
Apologies about my previous post: I was a bit hurried as my Mum arrived at the door: enter was pressed after a quick dash at the board. Normally, a little more thought would've gone into it.
What I meant to say was this: often in multi-critic cases (be it in writers-circles, whatever) it usually becomes a case of one taking the burden most of the time if it turns into a long-term project. (Personal Observation here.) That's why I threw in two as a number. Small enough that it might actually be sustained, but with the burden still shared.
Trainee Tactician
Never mind me, I was mistaken.
edited 10th Feb '12 7:13:16 AM by SCBracer
Currently cursing my way through Radiant Dawn Hard Mode. Give it a look!
Technically, the thread is not open to criticism just yet. There is a list of people here waiting for a review. Just put your name on and we will get back to you.
Trainee Tactician
Okay then, I'll do that. Thanks.
Currently cursing my way through Radiant Dawn Hard Mode. Give it a look!
Drummer Boy
Sorry about the delay. I'll have something up by this afternoon.
The last battle's curtains will open on stage!
Add me to then list of those who want critiques.
Huh. Didn't read that I could have done it myself. *shrug*
edited 10th Feb '12 8:07:55 AM by SalFishFin
For now, I'd not mind lending a hand to use the red pen. But, much, much later, I might think about blue, too. 
Drummer Boy
Sorry, guys. It was a busy day.
[Link redacted]
edited 20th Dec '17 1:04:11 PM by SnowyFoxes
The last battle's curtains will open on stage!
Ahr river
My first thought is that you revealed the marriage bomb way too quickly. Breathe. Lead into it. Let us learn when Wilhelm learns. Build our suspense. Why is she worried about her best friend? What could have happened?
"He spews all over the front of my dress. "What the hell did you just say?""
Especially that. Have him stutter a bit. Take a while to get a hold of himself. Let the large actions have their impacts.
Also, the explanation of college classes seems a teensy weensy bit like an exposition dance that is not entirely needed.
Also, Wilhelm as a character is kind of boring. He has some emotional moments, but it all seems very subdued. We don't even get the sense he is purposely stifling himself. Just that he's...sorta taking things all general like. Making him boring. Hence first sentence.
Also, more exposition about their past. It doesn't need to be in the first chapter. We don't need to know half these things. Establish the hook. Exposit later.
Read my stories!
Drummer Boy
I put in the exposition on the past because some readers were wondering how these two people knew each other. Overdid it again, apparently.
Wasn't really sure how else to explain his classes. I guess I could cut the thing about the course cycling, but his discomfort with his current arrangement is supposed to show that he suffers in social situations.
Can you elaborate some more on the "Wilhelm is boring" thing?
The last battle's curtains will open on stage!
Wilhelm seems to let the topic change a little too easily. The part where he starts talking about his classes felt a bit odd. It felt like he should've still been trying to get more information from her.
Beyond that, I don't have much to offer. It's good. Maybe not quite enough description of Bianca; as the main character, I feel like it's important for the audience to have a good mental image of her, but it's really only one or two more details that I would add.
X-Men X-Pert, my blog where I talk about X-Men comics.
The whole "it's not poison, it's medicine" paragraph is... eh. Kind of annoying, since during their whole interaction up to this point we've seen how Wilhelm doesn't hate her at all. I can understand why she's thinking this, but does she have to be so damn dramatic about it? Then again, she just married an asshole and her brother sucks.
The paragraph immediately after that felt too expositionary. We're in an awkward, emotional situation and she tells us the story of her life. Which is relevant, admittedly.
As Tiamatty said, Wilhelm lets Bianca change the subject way too easily. He doesn't even try to learn more about the very important thing that will have a great effect on both their lives. Then he goes for more exposition.
And:
...because how else could she have done it?
Ahr river
Wilhelm seems mostly defined by his location in life. He's a bodyguard. He's in college. He has magic. He is friends with Bianca. But I don't feel like I know anything about Wilhelm's personality.
Read my stories!