WTF news headlines.

Ultra-orthodox Israeli rabbi bans girls over five from riding bikes because it is 'provocative'

Second verse, same as the first, just a whole lot louder and a whole lot worse.

It’s ‘digital heroin’: How screens turn kids into psychotic junkies

New Media Are Evil continues to thrive in the 21st century. As does the trend of parents blaming video games for their own mistakes.

Injured by humans, a bionic toucan joins the fight against animal cruelty

We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was. Better, stronger, faster.

More than 300 reindeer killed by lightning storm in Norway.

Oh deer

Perhaps they shouldn't have been out in the rein.

Man confronted over stolen Cheetohs tried to set fire

And, yes, they were Flamin' Hot Cheetohs.

Panic at LA airport came after police detained man dressed as Zorro.

Batman wouldn't take that shit. Get your act together, Zorro. You can't be outclassed by your own legacy characters.

Pamela Anderson Warns in Op-Ed That Porn ‘Is a Public Hazard of Unprecedented Seriousness’

Glass houses, Pammy. Glass houses.

Doctor: teen probably did not die from hickey

Uh... huh.

University offers segregated housing to shield black students from ‘microaggressions’

I seem to recall a movement that had something to say about segregation. It was about 60 years ago I think. It was all over the news. There was this guy that was pretty popular with that crowd. I think his name was Martin?

Edit: This one's even better.

Donald Trump accidentally declares himself ineligible for the presidency.

Politicians, you gotta love 'em.

edited 8th Sep '16 5:08:56 PM by Eagal

First one's not quite what it sounds - here's a Snopes article on the topic.

The second one, on the other hand...wow. With all the dumb stuff he says, there are probably enough Trump-related headlines to fill a whole other thread.

On-topic: Reports of Creepy Clowns in Woods Spooking Residents of Greenville, S.C. The situation isn't nearly as funny as the headline, though.

edited 8th Sep '16 6:19:29 PM by SapphireBlue

Ants Survive for Years in Nuclear Weapons Bunker without Food.

Alas, no mutated super ants who gain intelligence and started their own society. Still pretty interesting though.

North Korea bans sarcasm because Kim Jong-un fears people only agree with him ‘ironically.’

That sounds like North Korea, all right.

Indiana fertility doctor used own sperm to impregnate patients, court docs say

Sometimes I question the validity of misanthropy. Sometimes I'm reminded why it's a thing.

Catfish falls from sky at park, hits woman in face.

Did the bird lose his dinner or launch a sneak attack at the evil land-dwellers? You be the judge.

I am reminded of another doctor who went full on supervillain evil - he tried to force his mistress to get an abortion...he did so in the loudest and most obvious fashion available to him.

edited 12th Sep '16 9:45:19 PM by NickTheSwing

I'm passing that one along with the description, "God Slaps a Woman with a Fish," m'self.

Not a recent headline, but still worth it.

A Patel Motel Cartel?

Google street view blurs cow's face in Cambridge

Online privacy. Not just for humans anymore.

Sex-crazy Galapagos tortoise fathers 800, saves species.

Animal conservation wants more Casanovas.

After Cops Make Plea for Missing Teen, She Responds on Facebook: 'I'm in My Room'

I rate the competency of these police at the very tip top.

What I want to know is who reported it to the cops in the first place.

North Korea accidentally lets world access its internet and it only has 28 websites.