A duck walks into a bar.
Animal control services are contacted and the fowl creature is released at a nearby pond in a park.
edited 25th Oct '11 1:13:28 PM by SeanMurrayI
There was a man called Poo.
He then legally changed his name to John.
Slowpoke says: Hey guys, winter is coming!
Doodles
Wandering Student ಠ_ಠ
Courage wolf says not to run away!
Very big Daydream Believer. "That's not knowledge, that's a crapshoot!" -Al Murray "Welcome to QI" -Stephen Fry
A black guy, a Hispanic guy, and an Irish guy walk into a bar.
They become friends.
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse explains that he just lost his race, and that's depressing.
Calendar enthusiast
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Jim.
Oh hi Jim, come on in.
How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, they're not stupid.
Ukrainian Red Cross
The Beta Male
If I went around sayin' I was emperor just 'cause some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, people would assume I was a rational, wise person.
edited 26th Oct '11 10:36:08 AM by GameSpazzer
MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
Stupid Man Suit Wearer
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know, honestly. I can't presume to know the reason behind this particualr chicken's sudden excursion, but if I had to venture a guess, I'd say it's because it was looking for food.
Give the world the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
A man dies, and instead of going up to heaven and having an amusing conversation with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he just rots in the ground.
edited 26th Oct '11 11:17:38 AM by SeanMurrayI
Departed days ahead.
A priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist walk into a bar.
They walk out with a much deeper understanding of each other's cultures and creeds.
I guess we could go... wherever we please.
Disturbingly mustachioed.
Would you mind sharing your bases with me ?
Look upon my R.O.U.S., ye mighty, and despair!
Sega's Last Hope
Are you in good spirits, my acquaintance with whom I share an almost fraternal bond?
Tropers watching movies
A white guy is eating a box of crackers. A black guy comes over and says, "Hey, Bill, can I have one?"
Stupid Man Suit Wearer
A blonde finds that she's locked her keys in her car after a long shopping trip.
"No problem," says the blonde, "The top is down, so I can just hop right in."
Give the world the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
And lots of fucks were given that day.
"I like girls, but now, it's about justice."
The Beta Male
Three prostitutes were sitting in a bar, talking about their plans for the future.
The first one wanted to save up enough money to pay for colledge.
The second one wanted to buy a better house for her daughter, and perhaps pay for rehab to get over her drug addiction.
The third one began crying and said that she simply wanted to escape her pimp.
edited 26th Oct '11 1:10:20 PM by GameSpazzer
MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
Stupid Man Suit Wearer
A tech support specialist gets a call from a customer. The customer is confused about a problem that they are having with their machine. The tech support specialist is helpful and informative and the customer appreciates the help that he gets. They have an amicable conversation and everything goes smoothly for both parties.
edited 26th Oct '11 1:23:30 PM by KarlKadaver
Give the world the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
What did one Irishman say to the other?
"I am sober."
Nerds nearly need needy nerdy nerds
There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a perfectly affable person.
Switch FC code: SW-4420-1809-1805
pirate girl
The Beta Male
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
WIN.
Mama! I just killed a man! It was an unforeseeable accident, because he was hit by a bus!
MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
Stupid Man Suit Wearer
Madness?
Eh, maybe.
Give the world the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
Yo dawg, we heard you like cars, so we bought you a new one.
I planned that all along, Fan. -Kinkajou
This could have only been done by some sort of tactical genius!
How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? You got close enough to see them? Then consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far (which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely), consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.
Forget the towel!