Auties, Aspies, and other CloudCuckooLanders!

Anyone else find it impossible to understand nonverbal communication ? Sometime I find myself offending someone because of my inflection or expression

Oh my goodness all the time

I had to explain this to someone recently, so I used this metaphor:

Imagine you’re tasked with building a complex machine, but whenever you try to build it, it breaks and then explodes violently. The other engineers are mad that you blew up their machine, understandably. But when you ask them what you should do differently so it doesn’t blow up next time, if there’s any code you should have entered differently or hardware you should have put together in a different way, they don’t answer you. They just roll their eyes and say, “There’s nothing to understand. Just don’t break the machine!” like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. So then when you build the machine again, it, predictably, breaks and explodes again. So you ask your coworkers once again, “What do I do differently to make it not explode? Should I change the program? Am I using the wrong interface?” They respond, again, “Just don’t make it break! There’s nothing to understand! Just drop the topic and move on!” Then you have to build the machine a third time and it explodes again…

I was trying to explain this to my friend. He said to smile and nod before I answer a question. I have no idea if that's helpful advice or not

I don't think people should smile and nod before answering a question... That's just me, though.

Also I'm pretty nonverbal, I'd say moreso than verbal. I always offend people somehow....

i can't even look people in the eyes in fear of looking like a creep thanks to a wandering lazy eye

I can't even look people in the eye because it's just something I can't do.

I used to have problems with non-verbal communication too, come to think of it. Heck, it wasn't just non-verbal communication; I had trouble understanding anything even so much as approaching sarcasm or making a joke. Even if someone was laughing, I'd be convinced that they were laughing at me, even if they didn't have anything to do with me. It took me a LOT of work to get to where I am now, and looking back, I've amazed I even got this far. Now if someone's trying to communicate through anything other than words in and of themselves, I actually get what they're trying to say or what they're really saying. If someone says 'Great', but looks and sounds anything but great, I know that they're not actually great. Whereas before, I would think they actually were great, and it's only now that I realize that they were anything but.

Okay, so, I read the article that my anthropology class is reading for the disability unit in December (I know it's only September, but the anticipation was killing me) I do have several problems with it. It talks (big surprise here) about parents of disabled children, instead of disabled children themselves. In fact, it goes completely against the other units in this class, which repeatedly warn against "objectifying" and "othering" (treating groups as an "other" completely separate group than your audience, which a breeding ground for racism and other forms of prejudice against that group) groups of people that the anthropologist is studying. My other problem is that it's entirely too idealistic, ("We have to join together as a society!") ignoring the horrible realities caused by "joining together as a society" the wrong way, and without the disabled people themselves.

Since there are several months until this unit, I'm considering raising these concerns with my professor during her office hours. She is an anthropologist, so I'm sure she'll get something out of it, even if it's just studying the social mechanisms of the angry autistic girl. I'll compile some notes beforehand, comparing it to other units we're studying and formulating a cohesive argument and suggestions for improvement, so it might take a few weeks between all my other schoolwork, but it feels like a worthwhile thing to do. This is academia, we're supposed to debate things we don't agree with.

edited 5th Sep '16 3:37:03 PM by Cailleach

Does anyone ever get all these social anxieties ? Like people are silently judging them? Even though logically they wouldn't be? And that hinders their ability to go out and make friends?

Also, how do you feel about medication? I can see a huge difference in how I act with and without it. It makes it easier for me to interact with people and make friends. But if I miss one pill in the evening the next day I'm in a bad mood.

What do you guys think?

I don't have those feelings too frequently, but I do know people, autistic and otherwise, who do.

Medication is a valid treatment option. Medication is used to treat a mental disorder the same way it's used to treat a physical disorder. If there's something physically or chemically wrong with your brain (as is the case with more clinical mental illnesses and disorders) then medication is the logical solution. You shouldn't go overboard (the same way you shouldn't pop a pill every time you feel mildly physically uncomfortable) but it's definitely a valid thing to use. It would be good to develop some coping mechanisms in case you miss your meds for a day, but if you're supposed to be taking every day then you really shouldn't be missing it at all.

edited 5th Sep '16 3:08:12 PM by Cailleach

Damn. I was hoping there'd be some discussion of autistic self-advocacy, and autistic culture existing. It needs to see disabled people as HUMAN ffs. At least they're becoming more vocal as a group.

I like that you're planning to show your work and make your point. Doing your part to dispel, for one, the stereotype that autistics are not smart.

Now that it's a new school year, I have to make my least favorite decision again: Do I want my teachers to know I'm autistic, or do I want them to think I'm smart and capable? The first option will get me accommodations. The second option will get me respect. I'm not sure which one I need more, but I am leaning towards the latter. I need accommodations if I want to study in an optimal environment, and also if I don't want to get into disciplinary trouble for "acting out" in class, which would happen if the teacher wasn't disclosed my diagnosis. But getting respect and being treated like an intelligent person are worth even more than that to me.

What am I supposed to do?

I may not be that great at normal social situations, but I know how to handle disagreements in academia. I've been very involved in high level academic debates since I was a child (I grew up near Yale and there were a lot of things open to the public. No one listened to me much when I was little, but I still observered) This is place where I'm most at home and I know what I'm doing. So hopefully it should go well

edited 7th Sep '16 10:46:55 AM by Cailleach

Is there a way to let your teachers know you're an intelligent, capable autistic? That would take a lot of effort and explaining, but it could help future autistics that teacher has to deal with.

I could demonstrate it through my actions. That would probably be the best way, instead of just telling them, "I'm autistic, but I'm also smart. Like so smart." Telling someone you just met how smart and capable are never works, it's something you have to prove through your actions. Though that brings me back to where I was in previous years. Terrified to get a single question wrong or someone would use it as "justification" that all autistic people are dumb. It's like this XKCD strip but with autistics

All the time. It sucks ass.

Cross-posting this to several relevant threads.

This is the Most Important Election of My Life Because I’m Autistic from Wrong Planet

Lack of autistic actors highlights Hollywood's biggest diversity problem: disability

It starts out by saying that there's no autistic actors playing autistic characters, which is a complaint I don't agree with; I don't think it's that important. It does point out though that some shows that attempt to portray autism don't have an autism "coach" onhand to explain it to the actors, the way The Bridge (US) did.

However, it ends with this paragraph, that I think makes a very good point. (bolded for emphasis)

Say what?

This actually reminds me of a problem that used to be very widespread (and still is, to a degree) in Hollywood when writers were 100% white men, who wrote 100% of woman and minority characters. There are actually documentaries on the subject of the first shows that emerged around the 60's/70's that featured woman main characters and centered around a female perspective and issues of womanhood, yet the writers were mostly men. It seems like shows/movies about disability are in that stage now. Hopefully things will move forward the same way

edited 9th Sep '16 7:17:37 AM by Cailleach

My compilation of data for talking to my anthropology professor is going to really well. Today, we were talking about decolonization, and the "othering" of people in colonial societies instead of letting them speak for themselves therefore allowing oppression to continue unchallenged, and then subjugated people finally standing up and declaring that they can speak for themselves.

This sound familiar to anyone?

edited 9th Sep '16 7:44:38 AM by Cailleach

I'm going to have to edit out all the swearing for my final draft.

But seriously, this is going better than I ever imagined it would. I'm using direct quotes from our class materials

edited 9th Sep '16 7:47:49 AM by Cailleach

This is this best rebuttal I've ever heard to the people who don't want their children to be diagnosed because they "don't like labels."

I think that warrants a mic drop

Oh yeah, I've seen the "your kid already has a label" argument before. "Why not give your kid the correct one?"

Now, a comment from an e-mail I got:

I've had people argue with me that I'm wasting my time trying to explain autism to anyone who will listen.

But this person was able to use the knowledge and understanding of it that I'd given her, to be able to help a child who needed that help. If she didn't know the boy had autism, or what autism was, then what? Well, we do know many examples of people who'd gone through school getting in trouble all the time and never knowing what they did wrong, or getting in trouble for Tourettes-esque autistic outbursts they have little control over (like me with my inappropriate laughter as a kid in elementary), so we know the consequences of a kid having to deal with a teacher who doesn't know anything about autism.

As I see it, self-advocacy and advocating for others is important. It means fewer situations like what I just described, and more like what she just described. Teachers who "get it." People in general who "get it". That's my goal, and I've had at least one impact in the real world.

My elementary days were practically a living heck because no on understood me. I'm glad your taking strides to stop this from happening for other people.

Troper!!! Feels like I haven't seen you in forever