How do you behave towards people you dislike?

What is your way of coping with people whose behavior annoys you, or whom you generally dislike? Not only in meatspace, but also on the internet.

In both situations, I usually ignore them, though I can sometimes find myself being increasingly snarky. If they try to make contact with me I subtly point them out that I don't want to do anything with them if they continue with their behavior by acting noticeably cold, but am never outright hostile. But, if it's obvious that they like me, I just can't bring myself to dismissing them and pretend that I'm fine with them, though never get too friendly. They usually get it and back off. However, if they are outright hostile to me, I always have to return the hostility.

I try to ignore them.

Sometimes it works.

But what will happen is that little things add up, and before I know it, I'm fuming because of the way someone holds a pencil.

And they usually don't know. At all.

In fact, they usually think I'm their friend.

That makes it worse.

I have been trying to get better. People aren't naturally horrible people, so they're not completely hateable.

edited 1st Aug '11 2:31:00 PM by MrAHR

Forgot to say: It's quite hard for me to outright dislike people, since I tend to hold humanity to a low standard.

I try to politely debate. Until they stubbornly refuse to believe anything but their own ideals. Then I get mad and walk away before I say something I'd regret.

Midget: Ever not do the walking away part?

Repasting...

"I do it by reminding myself that they are people and loving them. Looking for ways in which we can get along and seek compromise. I will even attempt to help those who do very little safe annoy the ever living hell out of me. I can practice patience and loving kindness!

Am I always successful however? Fuck no. That's what I have to work on. I have many things to work on. Many, many things."

Vaguely related...Explanations of my calming down methods and how they work...

"First acknowledge the feeling. Let's say you're pissed at Cakman for pissing in your Wheaties. "I am angry at Cakman." Then you come to understand why. You find the reason. "I am angry because Cakman pissed in my Wheaties and I had wanted to eat those because I like them."

Next you let it pass by focusing on something else. A focus point. The most common focus point is the breath. Breath in and out. Follow your breath as it enters and leaves. Count the breaths in the fashion of "Inhale, exhale 1; inhale, exhale 2...". 5, 8, or 10 are the common numbers that one either stops at or begins to count backward from.

Breathing exercises also have a very nice therapeutic effect to them."

"Also...the stomping thing and venting anger thing. It doesn't calm you down like meditation and such does. What it does is exhausts you; body and mind. Which is why I only do it during the most extreme of circumstances. Like panic attacks. By that point meditation is a complete non-option.

The stomping feels good. The rage feels good. It builds more rage and it staves off the unpleasant feeling of the panic by replacing it with delicious rage.

And then after a while you lose energy. You start to grow weak and tired. Your limbs feel weak and wobbly. Your mind is hazy and tired.

And then you just don't have any energy to be angry or panicked with anymore. You just have the energy to stay semi-conscious and staring at things."

In real life, I just turn really frigid and generally tend to (mentally) look down on them. I also usually ignore them pointedly, hoping that they'll just give up and leave. Of course, if they're really pissing me off then I'll just drop the facade and get absolutely furious. However, I never resort to violence against someone who's being an asshole to me. For one, there's no way in hell I'll be able to beat them physically (pathetically low upper body strength, yay!), and secondly it's just asking for trouble, if not now then down the road. I know it's dickish behaviour, so it's not like it's any better, but eh.

If they like me, however, I'll just try to be as kind to them as possible. No need to be a jerk to them in such a situation.

On the Internet I try to be polite no matter what, although I feel that it's usually blatantly obvious how terse and otherwise forced it is. Losing my cool is a definite no-no; far better to be polite and limit any bad feelings between myself and the other party. Hopefully, we'll be able to reconcile later on (something which never seems to happen in real life, unfortunately).

So in short, I'm a passive-aggressive, stuck up jerk.

edited 1st Aug '11 3:26:20 PM by Flanker66

@AHR: Not usually. I figure if I did so I'd quickly get very angry and shout-ey if they persisted.

After about a day or two, I forget that I was supposed to dislike them, and start acting friendly towards them again.

I am passive aggressive. I seethe for an hour, but I'm 'gee willickers' ass-kisser to their face. It's my curse.

My disliking somebody generally only lasts as long as they're antagonising me or somebody I care about.

Generally speaking, I think, when I take a disliking to somebody I'll be a bit ruder and more sarcastic towards them than I ordinarily would.

I remain polite and/or silent, unless they've done something I consider particularly assholish.

If they're my supervisor, then my options are pretty much limited to "Suffer in silence."

If it's someone at my equivalent job/paygrade, then avoid them as much as possible, and stick to being professional.

If I'm their supervisor, then make an effort to tell them why I'm not liking them, and if they can't/won't change, see if I can transfer them somewhere we won't need to deal with each other as much.

I'm the ignore them type, when possible.

If not I tend to raeg.

In general, I don't hate people I'm not actively thinking about or in contact with, but there are a handful of exceptions.

Cold indifference if they aren't getting in my personal space. Open hostility if they are.

Avoid contact with them if possible.

If impossible - behave in a coldly and formally polite way, so that this one would be beyond reproach when she does snark at them - and snark she does.

Unfortunately, occasionally this one loses her temper. Not cool, and useless.

I operate on a simple principle: If you're mean enough, they'll leave you alone.

Mindfulness and emotional detachment. When I become aware that I am feeling annoyance/anger/etc., I choose to stop feeling it.

I use OTC threads as a thin veil to bitch about them

On the few cases where I do genuinely fall out with someone, give them as much space as possible, shut up, and get on with it. A fan of The Stoic approach.

edited 2nd Aug '11 3:46:54 AM by GameChainsaw

Allow basic instinct to take over (Go batshit insane), either they run away, or at least they're gonna make a puddle around their feet.

I either ignore them or get really passive-aggressive.

Ignore them as much as possible. If I have to interact with them I will be polite but try to end the conversation as soon as possible, and then complain bitterly to my confidantes later.

edited 2nd Aug '11 11:07:22 PM by LoniJay

With good manners, I would hope.

Level 1: Pretend they don't exist.
Level 2: Snark at them at every chance OR avoid them at all costs.
Level 3: Curse at them.
Level 4: Punch them in the face.
Level 5: Strut around the place like I own it.