parental favoritism

Did your parents have a favorite child?

What impact does playing favorites have on kids, both the favorite one and the others?

If I'm asking for advice on a story idea, don't tell me it can't be done.

I was and am the favorite of ALL the children in the family. Hell I seem to be beating out many of the adults as favorite now too.

My brother was the unfavorite. He was always judged much harsher than myself. He never got as much love and attention from my grandmother and many others. My grandpa loved him dearly and took as much time as he could to watch over the dude.

My brother has become...well...He's bad. And getting worse. It's not just this one thing but this damn sure didn't help. He had an outburst complaining about my privileged position despite being a lazy bitch.

I never really noticed this until my mid to late teens. I feel really bad about it. And honestly I don't think being the favorite has helped me at all. It's made me weak and complacent. And hideously spoiled. "I can put things off. They'll still love me. I can be a bitch. They'll still love me. I can fall apart at the seams and they will scramble to save me as the rest of the world burns."

My brother is a bitter ass. I am a lazy spoiled brat. My cousins are good, hard working dudes though. It should be noted that they never lived with my grandparents though and their parents don't play the favorites game as hard as my parents and my grandparents.

I've also become the favorite in my step father's family. I feel weird and guilty about this.

edited 19th Jul '11 2:21:43 AM by Aondeug

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

My parents were constantly judging us and giving us love based on what they judged. x_x I'm the youngest of three boys, and before I was born, things were alright. When I was born, I was the favourite for a good six, eight, ten years tops.

Then the recession hit my dad. Money got tight. Really tight. And things.. got bad. Really bad. Dad hit his mid-life crisis. I suddenly wasn't so spoiled all the time. I was suddenly being judged like the other two— perhaps moreso because my dad realized I'd been spoiled up until then. Around when I was eleven or twelve, my parents stopped focusing on me almost altogether. I was fat, I was spoiled in their eyes, I was always asking for attention (although I was raised to be polite about it). The thing is, I did always want attention, and usually dad would just buy me a toy or a video game and I'd go to my room and be distracted. Then we got tight on cash and I hit the age where I wanted more than just material possessions in substitution for love.

I have distinct memories of coming home from school, going into the living room, and going from happy (good day at school!) to depressed (parents don't give a fuck, often yelled at me for bothering them). But that's not all. My brothers would come home, and mum and dad suddenly brighten up and ask them all about their day. Oldest brother wouldn't care, would just go upstairs. Middle brother was always successful, getting all the love and good grades and friends.

Things continued like that for a while until dad lost his job first in late 2008, then his second job in late 2009. I'd talk about what life was like from 2008 until now, but I have an entire other thread for that.

Bottom line is, I was the favourite for my early childhood, but then for the influential years, my middle brother was the favourite, and I was constantly fighting for Not-Unfavourite status. It's done horrible things to my self-confidence and self-worth, and I always feel like I'm being harshly judged. o_e My middle brother, the Favourite for these recent years, has gone on and moved out, and he doesn't seem to think that much bad stuff has happened to our family recently; he thinks we're just overreacting and dwelling on the past too much when we talk about physical abuse and the like. My oldest brother rarely leaves his room, and seems to be very scared of my dad. He's also a total dick when I try to talk to him.

Parents should not pick favourites. If they do, at least don't treat the kids like favourites. Parents.. well, they shouldn't do half the things my parents wound up doing. Luckily, it seems that most parents don't do half the stuff mine did. And do.

tout est sacré pour un sacreur (Avatar by Rappu!)

The youngest of my two brothers was the favorite. I can't really blame my parents though, since he was the only kid that wasn't born on accident. My other brother and I were mistakes, and they never let us forget it.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

My parents do not hold with having favourites of their children. I've never felt that any of us were favoured over the others because my parents 'loved them more' or anything.

My little sister does tend to get a little 'favouritism' as far as my mother usually takes her side in arguments. But I guess if that wasn't so she would be ganged up on by me and my brother all the time; so it seems fair to me.

She also does get a tiny bit more leeway in terms of bad behaviour than we did at her age... but I think that's more of a natural mellowing of my parent's attitudes than any real favouritism.

Be not afraid...

My parents don't tend to favouritise. Until exam time comes around, for the duration of which the favourite child is whoever's doing the most revision, and the other two are shunned. They pit us against each other like bears.

Scepticism and doubt lead to study and investigation, and investigation is the beginning of wisdom. - Clarence Darrow

My parents will readily admit I'm their favorite because I'm quiet and behave unlike my siblings.

edited 19th Jul '11 2:20:44 AM by deuxhero

Nope.

It's a weird switchy cycle. My brother is my parent's favourite, however, my mother loves me the most, because I'm the first-born.

I think we're both equals to our parents, however, my brother gets shouted at more than I do.

I'm my parents' favorite, but it's not for lack of them showering affection on my sister. It's a bit... complicated. I'm the favorite because my sister is bitter over her own life choices and wants to blame my parents instead of herself, which has poisoned their relationship terribly and leaves them completely heartbroken and trying to find ways to make her happy. It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with comfort.

i. hear. a. sound.

If what they say is really true, my parents have never favored my younger brother or me one over another, though it often appears to me that I'm something like a failed prototype, and that they know it.

The sin of silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.

I would argue that I'm probably the favourite out of my parent's three children; my sister certainly seems to think so. I also think that any favouritism that is there is minor, and largely down to me having a very different personality to that of my siblings.

But by their words and actions, it's a minor preference.

No. If they would judge me like that I prolly wouldn't be the favourite

Laws are made to be broken. You're next, thermodynamics.

I remember doting on my oldest child a lot when she was an infant and toddler. Now that she's older and can think more or less on her own, I judge her a bit harsher now. It's quite a contrast; with the younger sibling getting doted on all the time, and stuff, and I realize that the oldest sees this and might be thinking "why is Daddy so hard on me?"

I have to tell her, repeatedly, that the baby doesn't know any better yet.

But that's not really favoritism. I'll still play with the older one - she can talk and use her imagination and play Minecraft and work with blocks and stuff - whereas the younger one is just a babbling bundle of cute. I guess it depends on what sort of mood I'm in. If I must have cute, I'll go babble with the younger one. If I want to have some semblance of an intelligent conversation, I'll go play with the older one.

Happiness is zero-gee with a sinus cold.

Hmm, I don't think anyone out of us was the favorite. Although my mom was glad to have a girl after giving birth to my two brothers. But I guess she does have better expectations from me because I'm a girl and hopes I'd be better than them (as in better grades, better attitude, relatively clean since I don't drink nor smoke like the rest of my family etc).

"Liar liar on the wall, give the world to me..."

Well, my mother was the favorite child of my grandparents, and my aunt is pretty badly messed up, but most of my extended family has issues, so it's hard to know what to blame on what. (I think my mother's awareness of this is why she kept trying to help my aunt, long after she'd proven that nobody could help her. Pain brings more pain . . .)

That's Feo . . . He's a disgusting, mysoginistic, paedophilic asshat who moonlights as a shitty writer—Something Awful

My mom was definitely the Unfavorite, on top of being the only girl and the oldest*

. I know that affected her.

I was also definitely the favorite of my siblings. My older sister got cut off from communication when she decided to get married in college, and stayed that way (with my mom at least) until she had kids of her own. I didn't consciously notice that I was the favorite until around the time I was starting high school. Part of that was that my brother took my parent's divorce much harder than I, and started acting out; part of it, I admit, was I was pretty good at getting him to lose his temper and start something; part of it was that I just was better at most everything than he was. So that made things strained between my brother and I until we'd lived apart*

for a few years, and now we're cool, even if we don't talk much.

I also remember one of my friends from junior high, he was definitely the Unfavorite and could do no right, while his little sister could do no wrong.

I don't think I play favorites with my kids. I can be harsh, and I know I yell loudly when they're not obeying, but I don't treat one better than the other that I've noticed, nor does my wife (at least not when I'm around).

That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw

I know my little brothers sometimes like to think I'm the favourite in our family, but yeah, I'm really not.

I just wasn't with the family for a long time, and only got back in touch, so she kind of spoils me a bit now. Doesn't change what happened in the past though, and I know my mother loves us all the same, so I ignore my brothers when they try and accuse me of being the favourite. XD

i dunno about unfavourites or not, but i know that being the eldest child, and also the neuro-atypical one makes you the "gametester"/guinea pig for all of your first-time parents' parenting tactics.

that said, i'm definitely the favourite grandchild. i get fed (and fat) a lot. ' ^ ' stop feeding me so much, grandma.

- martia

honestly I got the impression they vaguely disliked us all for equally for unrelated reasons.

hashtagsarestupid

I'm definitely The Un-Favorite in my family. My twin brother is constantly getting glowed over by our aunts, uncles, and cousins, and such, and I'm basically a black sheep.

My mother especially treats me like this (she's emotionally abusive, and in serious denial about it; also, she smokes like a chimney while cigs cost $13 a pack), even though she's fed up now with how non-contributory my brother is to the household.

It was so bad that...well...

She still treats me like crap even though I try really hard not to be a "lazy fuck-up" (her words) like she always says I am. Though I'm pretty sure there's no actual incentive not to not do anything anymore when it comes to her.

It's better to be right than liked. Really. I Just Want to Be Loved