Pony Fanfiction Thread

Alright, I finished going over Midnight and Handle's comments on chapter 1 of Charisma Cupcakes (still need a less boring title). Main changes are the beginning and ending—added more to make them flow a little better. Also toned down some of the As You Know scattered about, and addressed all of Midnight's comments about telling and sentence structure (hopefully). Further comments still welcome, of course.

~1600 words into chapter 2. Looks like it might be a similar length as 1 after all the additions.

Good point.

Now I need to come up with specific scenes and events to underline that. Some of them might need to be more subtle than what was outlined earlier; the thing about prejudice and privilege is that it's pervasive, even among its victims. It's the water people swim in, the air they breathe, it's invisible until someone points it out or until one learns what to look for.

edited 24th Nov '14 2:17:29 PM by TheHandle

@Kegisak: That's a good way of putting it, although I'm not sure I see those prejudices being quite as... strong as the parallel would imply. But yeah, Fluttershy is definitely at odds with the characteristics that seem to be the most common among pegasi.

edited 24th Nov '14 2:23:02 PM by JapaneseTeeth

Mmm. Admittedly applying that across a third of the population is pretty heavy; it was mostly for the sake of example. I wouldn't doubt that some degree of coding exists among the tribes, though.

I think they do, just a bit less pronounced. My personal take is that the prejudices have been a bit evened out due to interaction with the other pony tribes. They'd persist primarily in locations where there aren't many non-pegasi, although even then I think they'd be a bit less extreme than in the past. Like Cloudsdale. So Fluttershy grows up in an environment that largely unsympathetic to her (aside from RD) assuming that she'd grow out of it or something, moves to Ponyville, and because of her previous experiences, assumes that everyone would treat her the same, even though Ponyville is more diverse and would therefore likely be more accepting of her inability to follow the cultural norms of her race.

@Kegi:

Oi! I take offence at that. It makes me feel so excluded. (Ssh, don't look at my signature, nothing to see there, move along)

Sorry, heh. 'Our' was there meant to be an extension of 'North American'. That is to say, not all of us are from NA, but as I am I consider them 'Our'. So the first NA was just to establish what Our was.

... That was a confusing fucking sentence. I hope the point gets across, though.

It's not a matter of taking offense, but I'm pretty sure that kind of scene is good fodder for FS feeling excluded.

For instance, I would hypothesize a complete and utter lack of interest in competitive activities, especially sports team, which would make her feel completely alienated whenever her fellow foals would get all hyper about it. That's something I could definitely identify with, and I'd have no trouble coming up with a scene or two of wretched loneliness among the madding crowds.

Speaking of which, we haven't seen any team sports in Equestria besides the 'track team' sort... Don't they have anything that involves slipping projectiles past each other into goals?

edited 24th Nov '14 2:52:54 PM by TheHandle

The Iron Pony event had NA football kicking as part of it, so presumably the ponies have some sort of football-like game that involves it (just grabbing human rules would be problematic, because of the whole lack of hands thing).

edited 24th Nov '14 3:07:45 PM by KuroiTsubasaTenshi

I'm slowly developing a pegasi game for the Hoops and Dumbbell comic called, of course, cloudball.

The ruleset still needs work, but the basic setup is thus: Each team has one Goalie, one flyer, two defense-men and two forwards. The Defense and forwards have relatively stable positions: each stay in one half of the field. The goalie stays by the goals(Of which there are three, similar to in quidditch, and the Flyer goes wherever he needs to be.

When the defense and forwards have the ball, they can't fly laterally. They can, however, fly up and down, and pass in any direction. The flyer can move laterally with the ball, but can only pass vertically. Essentially, the flyer has to work in tandem with the forwards and defenses to move the ball. The Flyer also(usually) serves as the team captain, relaying advice and orders to the different parts of the team, and prepping them for weather.

Weather is considered a natural hazard in the game, and is treated as a normal part of the arena. However, the player can utilize it but they cannot create it. So you can use a cloud as cover, but you can't buck it to make lightning. Weather used to be random and natural in the early days, but nowadays it's either not bothered with or set up by a team on the side. Pro Cloudball uses a random system; clubs generally just let the weather be what it is.

The goals are arranged in a vertical line, with the middlemost goal being the smallest, and worth 5 points. The top and bottom goals are larger but only worth 2 points.

The ball can be affected by any part of the body: Hooves, tail, wings, head, body, etc. Body checking is allowed; trying to take your opponent out of the sky is not(As the line between the two is pretty vague, it's not really considered good play to check in all but the most dire circumstances. Better practice is to heard your opponents into zones where they have less sight and take advantage of that to intercept passes.)

Balls that pass through weather are considered in play and 'hot'. Balls are considered hot as long as they retain their charge of the weather(Officially two minutes). Hot scores are worth extra points, but hot balls that go out of bounds go to the team opposite the one who made the ball hot, regardless of who actually sent the ball out of bounds. Otherwise, out of bounds balls go to the team opposite the one who sent it out of bounds.

The nitty gritty of it I consider to be 'pretty much like soccer', but as I really don't know much about soccer I can't actually judge that. Also I'd really need to see how player move under those rules before I could solidify them. I wanted it to focus on their ability to use the z-axis and their natural mobility, but I'm not sure how well that'd work out under this ruleset.

They bowl without fingers...

Actually, I'm amazed a certain pony didn't pull a gun on them. They were constantly over the line!

No, I'm even more amazed that they weren't falling over their faces on the super-slippery bowling alley.

Then again, it's probably not a League game.

edited 24th Nov '14 3:29:07 PM by TheHandle

Heh, no worries – like I said, I'm much worse, with my signature. (I'm still proud I managed to create a context in which that line made sense.)

On a related note, I don't see why you'd need hands to play football...

(Video with TF2 dubs selected just to annoy Clever)

edited 24th Nov '14 3:18:33 PM by MidnightRambler

Those are some amazingly ornamental and dangerous-looking goalposts... Are they made in cast iron? Seriously, what's with all the flourishes?

IDEA: Pegasi play Quidditch.

IDEA 2: Pegasi play Quodpot It's like Quidditch, but you gotta get the ball to the goal before it explodes.

edited 24th Nov '14 3:31:47 PM by TheHandle

Midnight: You know I specifically stated the NA version, right?

Handle: I think there's a significant intensity difference between the two sports. >.>

I know, I know, I was eurojerking.

Guess which one North Americans play.

Quidditch is already horrendously intense, though. For starters, you've got two homing metal cannonballs explicitly trying to blow your brains out.

edited 24th Nov '14 3:40:52 PM by TheHandle

Quidditch is too poorly designed of a game for me to ever recommend it.

I know it's not described in detail, but that snippet actually kinda makes quodpot sound like the better game, just 'cause it's focused. The big problem I've always had with quidditch is that it's too divided. You have the game the seekers are playing, and then the game that everyone else is playing. Both are important, but definitely not of equal importance. Plus, the variable game length makes it kind of a gameble for spectators. So you get tickets to the match, they cost you the wizard equivalent of a hundred bucks, and it lasts... 10 seconds. Shit. OR worse, it last three weeks. Good luck explaining that one to the boss.

It's Quidditch, the boss is probably with you in the stadium.

Quidditch is poorly-designed and tries too hard to be wacky, but that's a constant throughout the wizarding Potterverse.

Yeah, Quiddich wasn't really thought through well.

Also, just to nitpick, I'm pretty sure the whole "Football" name for that whole section of sport was supposed to denote that the game was played on foot, as opposed to with your foot. You know, as opposed to stuff like Polo. Not sure how accurate it is, but that's how I've heard it.

Also, yeah, we know that American-style football must exist in some capacity, as Rarity's dad has that as his CM.

[consternation], [dismay], sexiness? single ladies?

edited 24th Nov '14 4:01:23 PM by TheHandle

At any rate:

I'm more familiar with the rules of The Beautiful Game, and the game you describe doesn't sound like it at all. A big difference is that, except for the goalkeeper, there are no different categories of players on a football team. Sure, there are defenders, midfielders and strikers, but those are strategic positions; they don't follow different rules or have access to different sections of the pitch. A defender can run all the way to the other team's goal if he wants to, and a striker can fall back to help out his defenders in a sticky situation.

Also, as you describe it there are only six players to a team, of which there are at most three in the same general area of the pitch at any given time. That would severely limit the crafty "combination passing" common in professional football.

edited 24th Nov '14 4:07:24 PM by MidnightRambler

Fair enough. I haven't really decided whether the forwards and defense-men are limited to their halves, or whether they just stay their because the limited mobility while holding the ball makes moving around much inadvisable. The 'like soccer' thing was more referring to the minor rules like offside, and stuff.

But yeah, the passing comes down more to an individual player's high mobility, allowing two or three to pass back and forth to each other and taking advantage of the z-axis to get around opponents. A good example would be: Forward catches the ball>drops it to the flyer>Flyer brings it forward until he gets cornered>Sends the ball up to forward #2>lateral pass to re-positioned forward #1>Lateral pass to Flyer, for example.

Flyers are typically chosen for their high speed, forwards for their high power(As fast shots move the ball further and can get past the goalie easier), defense-men for their skilled flying, and goalies for their wingspan - wide wings mean more coverage and give them good burst speed over short distances.

It's also why Goalies get all the girls. You know what they say about a pegasi's wingspan, after all...

edited 24th Nov '14 4:14:51 PM by kegisak

It's impractical indoors?

edited 24th Nov '14 4:26:02 PM by TheHandle

I mean.

Well yeah, I suppose so.

Maybe ponies have something akin to pro-bending—an area control game where each team has three members—one of each pony type—each with a unique skillset but without specialized roles.

They like track sports, so maybe it's like roller derby. You have a circular track and each round, the teams have to declare one of their members to be the scorer/jammer. If your scorer laps the other team's, you score.

Pegasi would obviously have to be limited in altitude, but depending on how wide the track is they have the greatest maneuverability. They excel at rapid scoring and denying the other team points.

Earth ponies would be the slowest, but their super strength means their tackles hit the hardest and they have a high threat-level (if short range). They excel at blocking and scrums.

Unicorns can use basic TK to impede the other team (you could let them carry a basic bat or something instead, to give some opportunities for faux-swordfighting between the two unicorns or to nerf them a bit). They excel at impeding the other team from a distance and have the greatest threat range of all the players.

Really advanced play involves tracks with a Field Power Effect or Interesting Situation Duel. Things like a track with vertical loops, overbanked turns, and other weird geometry would be easy with gravity spells (it would also nerf or buff pegasi depending on the track). You could scatter single-use spells along the track (ala Mario Kart), which would give unicorns more utility. You could place barricades, hurdles, or other obstacles at points, which would make earth ponies more valuable.

High-level teams probably also have a distinct set of complementary capabilities, like teams in IGPX: Immortal Grand Prix.

This post ended up a lot longer than I intended.