Depressed tropers, UNITE!

For the record: It's been two years since I tried to starve myself to death, and I still feel like shit for backing out of it.

The feelings were just less specific today.

Try bleach. That's what I decided would be the best way to go.

No, I'm fine with just waiting it out for now. It would suck if I offed myself halfway through my Associate's degree.

I probably should see a therapist, but I have no money for it thanks to a screw-up with my college's financial aid department.

Yeah, college is always expensive. Financial screwups you aren't even responsible for can't help.

Another reason I'm not going to kill myself? The Asian-American suicide rate is through the roof compared to other races, and I don't want to become another statistic.

Not because I found the will to live or realized killing myself would be pointless. I literally don't want to be another number in the system.

It's more cynical than I care to admit, but it's worked so far.

Well, good for you. Meanwhile, I WISH I could justify killing myself. -_-

I had no idea that the Asian-American suicide rate is so high...

I've been quite depressed, and yes, even suicidal over the years. The problem is that, as bad as things can be, they tend to slip into being worse even more. I don't know how to fix it.

My mother hates us (my dad and I) so much. She is very spiteful and depressed, and is one of those who blames others for everything else. And oh, guess what? She complained that I spend too much time on TV Tropes instead of cleaning the house, which is something that she is apparently, mysteriously obsessed with. That speaks to... other issues, in my amateur psychologist's opinion. (She's not a troper, but it's related to the topic, so I mentioned it.)

I just don't know what to do to please her. TBH, I'm pretty sure I'm beyond the point of caring. But I can't respect myself for that. Is that bad?

Talk to her about it. You both have depression issues, you can probably sympathize/empathize and reach some kind of agreement on the issue.

That's not "cynical". This is "cynical":

No matter what you do, live or die, you're going to be just another number. There's no escaping that. Even if you live your life to the fullest, whatever that's supposed to mean, you're going to wind up as a nameless, faceless unit, and if you're lucky, abused for some political agenda or another. And the best part is, none of that means anything in the long run, anyway.

And here's how you turn "cynical" into "motivational":

So, if it doesn't really matter in the end, might as well enjoy yourself while you're here. Go out and be the best little statistic that you can be.

Such sentiment probably won't help with chemical-based, clinical depression, but I felt like putting it out there, anyway.

edited 24th Oct '11 6:15:18 AM by ekuseruekuseru

He gave me a sample for an antianxiety pill, so hooray! Better living through chemistry! Hopefully I will stop wanting to kill every person on the platform when I'm at the station, and cringing every time my headset rings, and all those wonderful things that happen when you're angry and tightly-wound.

He is pretty good so far, though I've only been seeing him for a few months. The copay is $50, and I have no idea how much it would cost for the uninsured.

I've been dealing with anxiety/depression and OCD for several years now, and it can really be hell sometimes, especially with the OCD. Sometimes I'm almost afraid of being happy, because I'm scared that I might 'lose control' of it. When I get really anxious, I kind of lose touch with reality; everything looks far away and over-saturated and fake. The more tired I get, the worse it gets. I worry and obsess about stupid things, and generally dig myslf even deeper into the hole I've made.

:/ haven't had that problem before... sorry about the anxiety and the OCD.

Thanks for reviving the thread, though...

I suffer anxiety, depression, end bad emotional control, and have been on anti-depressants for 10 years. To be honest, I left this site over a year ago because it was depressing me. I had discovered Buddhism, but that only helps to control, not eliminate, the problem.

The worse times to me are when nothing at all is interesting and I cannot figure out what reason there is that I should bother living. I am better than that now, I hope.

edited 21st Jan '12 11:11:28 AM by terrkerr

(puts hand up wearily)

Yea, group for emo people like me. sup?

Hmm, hello...

Didn't see this thread before, never wandered into this part of the forums...

I have very long-running, but somewhat-moderate depression. It's possibly undiagnosed dysthymia.

I agree, actually.

I'm not sure how to do a direct reply yet...

I wouldn't recommend bleach. I tried that. Closes up the throat. It's a slam, stinging up into your sinuses and closing up the throat instantly. Not a good way to go. And drinking liquid charcoal in the back of an ambulance is not fun.

— As for me... Bipolar, disabled due to it. Kind of have the "Hollywood version" as in I'm mixed state/rapid cycling, the rarer variety. On meds, in therapy, have some supportive people in my life. Have a tendency to break things in anger, to barely hang on in sadness and to hole up all day and be on the Internet. I write and art a lot though.

My depression has been confirmed to be dysthymia.

My depression technically hasn't been confirmed, but I do have it.

That was me, for quite a while. Hang in there, Daf.

Same here, thank god for my friends as I imagine my depression would of advanced to the point of offing myself years ago when everything was going wrong (I have OCD, anxiety, and slight ADD on top of this)

edited 18th Sep '14 7:37:27 PM by Bleddyn

We're in similar camps. I have dysthymia and OCD, although I was only recently diagnosed.