A single unified LGBTQ+ conversation

OK so I'm slowly firing off more job applications. Since on top of one for working at a travel money counter in the local Sainsburys I've got one in for working a till at the local Tesco as well.

Gotta love them panic attacks.

So, I've never been to this thread before, but I feel this would be an ideal place to go.

I've lately been reconsidering my gender, but I'm not sure what to make of my specific situation. I've been re-evaluating a lot of different, relatively minor events in my life that I didn't realise may have been signs of gender dysphoria until recently.

Like, for example, there have been many times that I've admitted to people that I relate better to girls than I do guys, most of my RL friends are girls, I feel oddly complimented whenever someone describes a part of me as 'girly' - including one time back when I had long hair and someone actually mistook me for a girl when looking from behind - I've always felt at least a little offended by transphobic remarks even before I fully understood what that entailed, when I was really young I'd always come out of the shower or bath with my towel wrapped around my chest instead of my waist until I was told it was 'what girls do', I've frequently imagined myself as female, living everyday life as female or choosing female characters or avatars in video games... and possibly the clincher, once a family member jokingly asked me if I felt like I should have been a girl, and instead of immediately answering 'no', I hesitated and said 'I don't know yet'; and that was years ago.

The thing is, though, I'm not sure if these were actually signs or if I'm just applying selective memory. I've never felt especially uncomfortable with my male body until relatively recently, and I don't even know if that will last. But then again, it seems like maybe I just sort of repressed this side of myself to fit in for years and years, and only now is it coming back.

I don't know what to make of this at all, or what to do about it. Do I go see a doctor and hope they give me some kind of test? Do I experiment with something?

Well, all of what you're describing here does align with my personal experiences and the accounts of other trans people I know. But that's not a certain sign. You need to seriously put some thought into this matter. The ones I know who brushed it off as "there's no way I can be trans" or "I'm not really feeling enough like it" and didn't properly think it through have pretty much all ended up transitioning in their 40s or later because turns out, they were trans after all and there's only so long one can keep denying it.

The thing is, this is the type of question only you can give a conclusive answer to. Think about it, seriously, from every possible angle you can think of. Except the "social obligations/societal expectations", "is this against my religion" and "how will my family take it" ones. The first two ones shouldn't be a priority here in the first place, while the last one is its own separate can of worms that should only become an issue if it's certain that you're transgender in the first place. So don't back down just because you want to spare your family from all the potential drama, because if you're genuinely trans you're doing this at some point anyway, and it's just more awkward to come out later on in life.

Body dysphoria is a very definitive sign of being transgender, but it's not something you're required to have. And it can be hard to figure out that you have it in the first place, since most people (read: anybody who doesn't manage to figure out that they're trans in their early childhood) seem to develop a kind of subconscious ignorance to it so that it doesn't constantly bother them. And having to deal with denial is a very very common part of being trans. I myself first figured out that I was actually supposed to be a girl somewhere around age 13, but ended up denying it, and trying to convince myself that I didn't have to change and that there's nothing wrong with me being male....a couple years later, I'm struggling with the same issues again. That time, I gave the option of being a trans woman a chance, and five years later I'm quite satisfied with having decided to be true to myself, and even slightly happier with life in general (which is not really that much of an achievement, as I was completely miserable at that time...)

As for the doctors...get yourself an appointment with a psychologist, not just any doctor. Don't be surprised if they've clearly never dealt with this before and have no idea what they're doing. In fact, after you're done with the first psychologist, get a second opinion, or better yet an appointment in an entirely different clinic. There are severely transphobic medical professionals out there who will do everything in their power to convince you that you're either delusional or sexually frustrated or something like that, to explain your issues with anything except being transgender. Trust me, I've run into those before. But most should be professional and at least attempt to diagnose this stuff properly, and give you references towards possible channels to transition, should you want it. Not all trans people do, but I personally have to question the reasoning of those people.

But most importantly, be honest to yourself.

So I keep all my razors and stuff in the guest room bathroom. Problem is we're redecorating said guest room today and I forgot to move it out. Now I'm getting reaction off the feel of my facial hair and can't do anything about it. >.<

For future reference, I go by she/her and they/them pronouns.

Alright, noted.

I'm still uncertain to my identity. I'm not so sure about being genderfluid, but I know I'm certainly not cis.

I guess I'm just generally nonbinary for now, I'm still pretty lax about pronouns, you can just refer to me as whatever.

Okay. Nice to meet you, whatever ;P

Haven't been on as much for a while so I thought I'd give y'all some updates. Well, I'm officially a college boi now. I didn't notice it until today, but way back in February or whatever when registrations opened, I signed up for a class on the wrong campus. At this point I've already rented the books for the class... hope it works out alright. Super psyched for the eclipse tomorrow. The other guy on my dorm (most of them haven't checked in yet, for some reason) is super nice and has really nice friends. He's actually really cute and we have a TON in common, but he's straight :P I always used to think that it'd be hard to be open about my sexuality, but the more I say it, and wear it, and the more I just be myself, the easier it is. Him and his friends were talking about how many girls or boys they'd kissed (there were a few girls) and I was just like, "Hah... I've only kissed two guys," and it was just—normal. They were totally cool with it. And more importantly, it felt right.

I also discovered that I really like neon and pastel coloured shirts.

And today in my life: My dad took me out to eat something to prematurely celebrate my upcoming birthday. I got a massive dysphoria attack while still in the car, and it only got worse once we actually got there. I almost had to leave before he was even done eating. Luckily, I managed to get my thoughts elsewhere with the help of a convenient slot machine.

And once he took me back home, I just couldn't hold it in and ended up telling him how bad I felt and why. He hadn't even noticed that anything had been wrong. But I think he got a pretty good idea of it from what I told him.

And then when I'm back home, I realise that the birthday card he gave me has the wrong name on it. This shit just never ends.

edited 21st Aug '17 7:09:28 AM by ArilouLaLeeLay

Sorry about that, Arilou.

That does suck quite a large amount, indeed. :[

Thanks for the advice, though. An update on my situation; the more I think about it, the more it seems like I'm trans, and I'm seriously starting to consider just saying 'fuck it, I'm trans' and come out to somebody. I know you said not to think too hard about how my family would react, but I'm not so much concerned that they wouldn't accept me as I'm concerned that they'll say I'm going through a phase, or say I'm not 'transgender enough' - I wouldn't exactly be Princess Femme, that's for sure - or just think I'm joking.

And though I'm confident I could work things out with them, I'm still financially dependent on them, for the most part, and I have a horrible feeling they wouldn't let me transition because of the costs associated with it. It's true that I have a job now, but it's only a part-time job; even if I fully committed myself to paying for everything out of my own pocket - because it's not like I'm spending money on much else - I'm not entirely confident it'd be enough. :/

And that's to say nothing of 'proving' anything to any professionals out there, which is a huge reason why I haven't just declared I'm trans already. I don't feel confident enough in my own self-judgement to say something like that about myself, especially considering the whole 'never felt too uncomfortable' thing I brought up before. :/

edited 21st Aug '17 4:24:22 PM by PresidentStalkeyes

I've had people tell me I'm not really queer because I'm only attracted to girls and feminine guys, like I have to be attracted to masculine guys to actually be considered gay or bi. I'm sorry, that's just not what does it for me, and I couldn't change that even if I wanted to.

I know I haven't been round these parts for a while, but I'd like to thank this thread for getting me through some Tough Shit™

Anyways. I'm a year and a bit on T now, and I went to uni for a semester and hated it.

How's the skinhead/punk aesthetic working out?

edited 22nd Aug '17 3:47:44 PM by Bisected8

So today I had a little bit of a confidence break and a realisation about just how long this is all going to take. And how as a result I shouldn't really put off stuff until after I'm out of what I've ended up dubbing the "mansuit" phase, even if my tucking technique is still lacking enough to leave unsightly bulges behind.

And apparently I still react a little bit badly (at least to myself) to getting actual encouragement and compliments.

You know, some people find bulges attractive. There's absolutely no reason you should wait until you hit somebody's arbitrary threshold of femininity (or masculinity) before you start expressing the way you want to. That cosplay is fantastic and you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Right, because saying *I* don't feel comfortable with a thing and that *I* don't like the look of that stupid lump is just me being dictated to by other people's arbitrary standards.

Thanks a freaking lot.

Okay I completely misunderstood what you said. Shit, I'm sorry. All I can say is that's the way it came across to *me*, was that you had been hurt by something someone said. Clearly that wasn't true. I apologize.

@DBL: Eh. It can seem long and arduous when you're in the middle of a step of your transition, but it's so satisfying to look back and see how far you've come. You've probably come a long way already.

@Bi: It's not an aesthetic, Moooooom!!!!! That being said, I'm more of a Trojan reggae and ska style skin anyways.

So yeah need to not post here when sleep deprived.

One week tomorrow and I have my third appointment. Hopefully the one where I get hormones.

-hug-

Great, getting antsy about my recent set of job applications again.

Don't. It'll most likely go well.

I don't know how much longer I can do this.