Yeah at the only problem with "real time" extending to big things. Hence why I drew out Megazardloween over a work week.

Fair enough. It was a spontaneous idea that I wasn't really putting too much deep thought into anyway, so I don't mind.

I'm a little more invested in the other thing I brought up on that otherforum thread anyway

So, what is actually going on? I'm planning on just waking EJ up from his coma.

About half the Team is in the aftermath of Thanksgiving and the other half is in Glitch-choked Sunyshore.

And some are both!

Anyone near Hearthome? EJ's just gonna be getting out of the hospital and never met most of the J-Team.

So you guys probably all saw the RP post I made last night.

To tell you the truth, that was origionally and might still be going to be me pulling the plug on my time in the RP - or at least hitting the reset button hard enough for me to start over completely. I'd gotten depressed enough over lashing out at someobe privately - specifically Hobgoblin/Rex - due to being irritated over someone who I've had severe issues with I've told some of you about more than what I was accusing Rex of - and that incident convinced me my bridges were setting themselves on fire at this point, not helped by me losing all hope of earning another R Per's trust back. That, plus increasing lack of faith the two megaspags would ever get done because of my perception those involved were fickle - even though up untill I made that post I was still stubbornly determined to get them rolling again after my Yuletide entry was done - convinced me to burn one of the ultimate bridges I had in this RP: the one between me and my characters I had been struggling for over two years to give a happy ending until I felt it just couldn't happen anymore and they were a lost cause.

Now, I've gotten some sleep and reconsidered all this, and made a minor edit to the post to possibly tie into some upcoming Glitch shenanigans instead of delivering a Bad End ... But I might just revert it back soon enough because I'm doubting any of my writing and my Internet social life is worth it anymore.

edited 29th Nov '16 1:28:33 PM by Umbramatic

I could have Mitch head out for hearthome, I've been in a writing slump and that could get me out of it. Also sorry to hear that Umbra.

Aye... I'm sorry to hear too... Umbra... I don't know if this helps in any way... but at least personally I don't consider anything you did to be burning bridges with me. I know we know us less well than others so I don't know how much this actually means... but I still wanted to get that out.

Sure, Jho, that would be great.

Umbra, it's been a while since I've been on but in all the time I've been here, you've been a wonderful and vital part of the community. It'd be a shame to see you go, but don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.

Ori I probably won't post tonight btw.

Thank you, everyone.

And alright, after thinking things over and talking through things with Tangent, (I will mention why him alone in this post), I've decided to outline what's been going on emotionally with me in more detail, since I've been so isolated for reasons I'll also explain.

• Like many, many others, I have had an extremely rough year and it's done a number on my emotional state:
  • There was obviously the whole fiasco of being locked up in a mental hospital for two weeks back in April.
  • My hand has still not healed completely from the freak medical accident last year and they're only starting proper treatment of it this upcoming December at earliest.
  • On an international controversy scale the Harambe shooting happened in my hometown, in a place personally important to me the week after my first visit in years, so that hit incredibly hard.
  • I lost two freinds outside the RP in horrible falling-outs, and while one ended in relative peace despite the still-lingering enotional pain, the other involved continued fights and passive-agressive bickering with someone I currently have to regularly interact with in a non-WAAPT community, frequently making me feel unsafe there.
  • In addition, someone within the RP I will not name lost trust in me but was willing to give me a second chance if I proved myself - and I feel like I'm failing horribly at it, and failing the person involved in the process.
  • Various triggery events to open old anxiety wounds to pile upon it all.
• As a result, I have become a cynical, anxious, antisocial wreck who has no hope of accomplishing any of his goals and whose horrible Hair-Trigger Temper just got even worse.
• As a result of that I have gotten increasingly insular due to said temper and due to general depression and lack of energy to socialize.
  • It's no fault of them, but I've grown to be afraid of talking to people like Bitters and Pippi too often due to the fact that we usually get along just fine but when we do fight it gets nasty.
• The above means I generally only have the will to actively socialize with Tangent any more.
• My writing motivation for both the RP and outside of it has been impacted by all this as well, and the two megaspags, which have already been the two biggest vital things I need to clear to give my time in this RP a proper ending, are starting to feel like impassible walls due to feelings of everyone involved being in slumps just as I'm ready and vice-versa. Making this more frustrating is the path is much cleaner if the megaspags get finished.
• At the same time, the individual making me feel unsafe in the other community is making me feel like retreating to there isn't necessarily the best option either.

All of that makes me feel like I have three choices:

• Leave you guys alone and focus on my fanfics from now on: This is the one that'll free you all of my bullshit and let me continue being insular, but the aformentioned That One Community Member is the biggest hurdle unless I confine myself to AO 3 and FF Net.

• Start fresh here both in-RP and community wise: This will let me still attempt to repair things with you guys while avoiding having any side writing projects or any intensive personal plots eating up my time with a new PC I already have ideas for to keep things simple. Problem is that there's still existing emotional baggage even if I'm cleaning it up... Not to mention a hard blow to freinds outside of here.

• Keep trucking as I was originally intending to: With this, I would get at least one of the megaspags started as soon as I finished my Yuletide entry (Which would be by December 15) and continue both fic and RP shenanigans as initially planned. Problem is I'm having severe doubt as to if that's feasible or even possible at this point.

So... Anything you guys can say to help would be appreciated, but as an important additional note... help Hobgoblin/Rex out too? He's been dealing with a lot of self-esteem issues too and feelings of being ignored, so show him some love, please?

Also, read his Sun liveblog, it's great.

You know, I think it would be best to start over. I remember when I left, I was sick and tired and I just wanted to reset everything. It also helped that I was able to clear some IRL issues off my plate. But if you feel that you need to give your characters some resolution I can totally see that. I'll respect any decision you make.

Man, I can't even try to help you with something on this scale. I'm no psychotherapist, in case it wasn't obvious. All I can really say is that you should go with what you decide is the best course of action, because you know yourself better than any of us.

See, I'd sorta suggest a temporary — temporary mix/variation of all three options. Of course I'm not saying you have to do any of what I'm saying, it's up to you to figure out if it's what you feel is right, I'm just giving an option for structure.

• First, take some time off. Finish Yuletide. Work on other fics. Give yourself time to heal without worrying about us — even if you can't quite avoid whoever the other person in question is, it will at least take the edge off and you could even focus on repairing things with them, taking things one thing at a time rather than worrying about all of us simultaneously. Of course, I can't judge for certain how that will go or even if that's a good option, that's entirely on you to decide.
• Once we've all had time to move past this awful, awful year and all the stress we've collectively been dealing with, I'd like to think we will certainly be willing to give you the chance to do what you feel you need to do IRP and-or in the community. Personally, I'd love to see the true ending to your current characters, but there's always the option of rolling a fresh character to use temporarily until you're ready to deal with that. Heck, they don't even need to tie into your finale if you do pick that back up at any point.
• Even if you don't roll up a new character before you wrap up the others, I for one would always welcome you back if you ever decide to start fresh again afterwards.

I'll be the first to admit you frustrate the hell out of me sometimes, but I would never with a clear conscience ask you to leave permanently. I can't do that to the person who was the first to help me get accustomed to the RP all the way back when I started. I don't want you gone, I just want you to recover. I want things to get better.

edited 29th Nov '16 4:56:44 PM by BittersweetNSour

You know what, Bitters?

Not only is your suggestion giving me hope,

It's giving me ideas.

Consider that the base of my new plan. Thank you so much.

...And expect a bio of that temporary PC by tomorrow. ;)

Glad I could help~

I have to agree heartily with the idea of using another fresh character for new ideas and general get-out-of-rut-iness. In fact, I'm doing that right now, due to a few things. Predominantly, the old say of "all happy families are the same", which makes writing for JUST Dune and Deziree and their whole thing begin to make it look like I'm just doing the same rote thing over and over - Deziree and/or a member of her team does something silly, Dune acts exasperated, they fix the thing, rinse and repeat, and that's not interesting to write or read. And aside from one particular event planned for a future arc, I'm honestly scared to death of doing any actual damage to their marriage due to my own hangups.

So yeah, starting with a new character fresh is definitely a chance to unload some baggage and get into some new territory.

New PC Approaching!

• Name: Locke Septimus

• Age: 25

• Gender: Male

• Ethnicity: Unspecified

• Appearance: Slim, tall, long purple hair in a ponytail, prominent bangs on both sides of his face, purple eyes, always wears a blue and white sports jacket with jeans and sky blue sneakers. Basically if you took a certain interpretation of Sasaki Kojiro and stuck him in the same clothing the two would almost be dead ringers for one another.

• Organizational ties: None, unless you count his girlfreind being a scientist in Holon.

• Hometown: Fortree City, Hoenn

• Backstory: Ever since obtaining a Tailow as a teenager after years of failed attempts due to losing his home and family early in life, Locke has devoted his whole life to improve himself as a trainer. He has no desire to be the very best - he just likes a good fight where he's in-sync with his Pokemon. He gets antsy when he hasn't had a quality battle in a while, but otherwise he's polite, formal, and freindly, if subdued and often distant - especially with the strange dreams he has of a mysterious group of six. As of late, he has sought out the J-Team - to find strong opponents in them, figure out the meaning of the dreams, and hopefully have them guide him to the land of Alola, where he can learn about the mysterious Z-Moves.

Locke's Team

Kurow

Species: Swellow (Starter)

Gender: Male

Ability: Guts

Personality: Kurow is best described with the words "Chill Dude" as he takes a relaxed, laid-back attitude twoards life in comparison to his Trainer. Despite this, as Locke's starter, he is fericely loyal to him and puts his all into a fight.

Tina

Species: Granbull

Gender: Female

Ability: Intimidate

Personality: Tina is the most freindly and cheerful of Locke's team, and always willing to help somemon or someone else out. However that often turns into passive-agressive taunting of her enemies during a fight.

Tharandul

Species: Serperior

Gender: Male

Ability: Contrary

Personality: While not truly agressive, Tharandul is the most grumpy and antisocial of Locke's team, and has a bit of a superiority complex over most other mons. He does use the most powerful moves he can in a battle to get it over with.

Gossamer

Species: Hitmonlee

Gender: Male

Ability: Reckless

Personality: If there's anyone close to a Token Evil Teammate on Locke's team, Gossamer is it. He's rude, crude, and gets a sadistic glee out of rubbing others the wrong way, especially in battle. However, he's got standards, and is often the first to stand up for his trainer or teammates.

Kagura

Species: Bisharp

Gender: Female

Ability: Defiant

Personality: Kagura is headstrong, determined, and ready to take on the world... except her social skills aren't the best and she isn't always sure when agression isn't a viable option. The others like to pick on her as a result, and she's kind of insecure about it deep down.

Emi

Species: Rhyperior

Gender: Female

Ability: Solid Rock

Personality: Emi is the Lady of War trope personified, prizing nobility and honorable tactics in a fight. She's also the sort to make sure her Trainer and teammates are well cared for. She does have a nerdy side she tries to hide, however.

Now, being a PC of mine, Locke's going to have some twists and turns to his story, and they happen to be relevant to his meta status. You'll see when I start writing him, which is... well, I have a specific idea for when he's introduced, but the rest is when I'm ready. I'll bring back my old P Cs and resume finale work like the Megaspags when I'm ready too.

For now, thoughts on Locke and his team so far? I hope Dune's right and he'll be rather refreshing.

edited 21st Dec '16 7:47:47 PM by Umbramatic

Locke... name doesn't happen to be a FFVI reference, does it? XD

But looks good to me, FWIW.

Nah, sadly. :P But thanks.

I wonder if I'll ever let EJ stop suffering.

It's not likely.

I can't help but feel there's a theme in the Pokemon names but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Anywho, I like the idea of a native Fortree-ian Flying Trainer getting out and about in the world, especially the possible shenanigans with birds/berbs.

I can't help but feel this guy is related to Team Umbra somehow and doesn't know it yet, given his dreams about "six mysterious figures". IIRC Team Umbra has six primary members - Umbra, Lina, Ammy, Arika, Nico and Robin - but maybe I'm wrong there.

You're correct. >:3