I personally get most of my social interaction through work and by living with Drunkscriblerian. I have a few friends that I see regularly (two to six, for a certain definition of "regular).
However, I have realized that when I get less hours at work, and don't have as much interaction with other people, I do get severely depressed. Said depression generally stems from just the simple factor of spending entirely too much time alone with my thoughts.
"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian
This one was no other close friends but those in the net. And this one considers it more "real" that real-life relationships. Why? Because there are no gender, appearance, nationality and other irrelevant things to distract from personality. Not to mention that internet conversation is much more safe and controlled than real life, and so allows for a greater degree of sincerity. One does not have to weight every word to see if it will negatively affect them.
As for the importance of friendship - well, this one used to think that she has no need of it, but been proved otherwise. Right now it is what provides me with motivation and drive to do anyting.
If we disagree, that much, at least, we have in common
NOT THE BEES
I joined my school band and theater. Did wonders for my social life.
Tyrannicidal Maniac
I don't feel any particular deprivation for being a (mostly) loner or a (kinda) shut-in. Maybe sexual want, but not any actual loneliness. I get what I want (intelligent convo) out of chatting with folk online and that's fine with me.
Enjoy the Inferno...
- About five-or-so BF Fs, the rest are just acquintances with shared interests who fade in and out over time.
- Insofar as you need an ear to talk into or a buddy to hang with, pretty much anyone with an amiable disposition will suffice.
- Even if your body language and conversational skills suck, you can pretty much get by by indulging in activities were you can talk about and focus on the activity itself.
- Internets is useful for organizing stuff IRL, and the anti-Scientology demos actually led to pleasant pubcrawls and even a yearly anon BBQ.
What worked for me when I did a year abroad with my borked social skills was join up with a ton of clubs/societies/student associations, etc. Even if you have the personality of a brick you can get to know people by seeing them on a regular basis and being forced to do things together with them.
I know what you said, sugar, but 'platonic' still entails a world of ideas.
Tyrannicidal Maniac
Viral: Did reading the article give you the "lonely" feeling, or was it there beforehand?
Enjoy the Inferno...
PARTY HARD!!!!
I suggest you join up with something; classes in some art or perhaps a group of people that does something like running and such. Making an effort for a cause also works, like raising awareness for diseases and such.
The only "socializing" that I do in real life consists of my martial arts classes at the moment.
Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! ~ GOD
This one used to be involved in some group activities, but that adds nothing to socialising. This one tends to be focused on task first and foremost, or on her own thoughts/some interesting book if bored, and notices other people around her only as much as they provide assistance/hindrance.
Which is not to say that this one is impolite or unhelpful - this one tries to treat everyone pleasantly and politely, and will offer to help without second thought if her associates need it, but she has no interest in getting to know them.
Hmm, as for definition of friendship - this one does not call people "friends" lightly, and number of such people is low. Friends differ from pleasant acquaintances in that friends can be relied upon even if it is inconvenient to them.
edited 26th Mar '11 10:07:11 AM by Beholderess
If we disagree, that much, at least, we have in common
Friends have not been a part of my life at all for at least 16 years now. I interact with others online in the sense that I visit forums and post in threads, but I would not characterize any of these interactions as friendship.
What I gather is that friendship would require at minimum that the parties involved interact with one another on a one-to-one level and care about each other's lives and feelings; that it would make a significant difference to one of them if the other suddenly disappeared; and that in meatspace-based-friendships, there would be shared experiences.
There are no internet personae with whom I have had anything resembling that. Though over time I become aware of individual personalities, a forum of complete strangers fulfills my needs just as well as a forum of relatively familiar net personae.
Social interaction is overrated. Loners Are Freaks is stupid, other people does not = happiness. The reverse can be said as well, but you shouldn't get caught in these absolutes that other people try to enforce on others.
Over 10,000 dead.:<
Without my real life friends I'd be in pretty bad shape. The internet is a great place to get stuff, like watch movies or even try to publish your opinion for all to see.
But people in "real life" tend to hide their grossness, people on the internet are hard for me to make friends with or even be on friendly terms with, they're detestable and frequently disgusting people. The thought that people might be like this deep down once they stop being offline and start being online drives me to misanthropy and despair. I couldn't take only having online friends because I don't trust people online. I don't get close to them. And I practically view everyone on the internet as my enemy until people maybe become a bit more neutral in my eyes. I am only here to get what I want and put out my opinion. Unfortunately I've lost a bit of the battle of the opinion over the years and my mind has suffered.
I've gotten mildly friendly with a few people online, but I don't view people online as any sort of replacement for real life friends. No, people on the internet are horrible. I've had too many horrible experiences with people online to lower my guard to them more than people outside and offline.
edited 26th Mar '11 12:32:12 PM by Ukonkivi
Genkidama for Japan, even if you don't have money, you can help![1]
WHARRGARBL
One of the great things about being part of a small major is that you know, and are friends with, everyone else there. Not only that, they're all really intelligent, driven people (this was a super competitive major), and they share at least one of my interests if they're in this major with me.
edited 26th Mar '11 12:30:13 PM by zoulza
Strangely enough, this one is much more friendly and pleasant online than in real life. It is supposed to be an upposite. But instead of A Darker Me, this one's online self is...Lighter Me?
edited 26th Mar '11 12:43:15 PM by Beholderess
If we disagree, that much, at least, we have in common
I don't have any friends. I haven't had any since I left uni, I can count the number of people I've considered friends in the past on my fingers and in hindsight none of those friendships were particuarly deep. Given that I've never really known what to do with people, not to mention that most of my interactions with the rest of humanity have been less then positive, this is not suprising. Most of my social interaction is on-line but I do not consider the people I know online to be friends since a)interaction is limited, b) there is no emotional investment involved, and c) I'm not entirely sure that everyone else online is real. As for whether or not I feel lonely, I honestly don't know. What does it feel like?
Noone online is real. People online are merely an images in the mind of those they talk with. This one is nothing but what you see me as - no more, no less.
But it is more real than most real life interactions.
If we disagree, that much, at least, we have in common
Oh My
On how to be less shut in like...I don't know. Associate with people at work and other situations with forced interaction with people? Sorry I am not sure how to help there.
As for the second half...Interaction with people is very important to me. I seem to need interaction with others. I get depressed if I don't and if I feel lonely. This is not to say that I cannot spend time alone. I can and demand quite a bit of alone time so I have time to think, read, and write and such. I just feel like hell if I get lonely and grow more and more lethargic and depressed if I have no way to interact with people for extended periods of time. So friends are quite important to me.
I use friend as one all encompassing label that by itself doesn't mean much. It means for me "person I am in some way attached to positively and enjoy spending time with". That doesn't mean much because I like most people and enjoy spending time with most people. Instead there are various strengths of friendship. At the lowest you have the casual acquaintance type of friendship. It's just some person I see every now and then and like to talking to when we meet up, but I feel little closeness to them and lack a desire to interact with them more in many cases. There is another level just above that one. The casual friend level of friendship. This person isn't just an acquaintance, but someone I feel for in a stronger fashion. They can evolve further into stronger friendships. The strongest level of it for me seems to be the level where they feel very much like family to me whether it be because we are in love or because the person feels like a sibling or other family member. These people I respect greatly and adore spending time with. I can live with them and want to live with them. Though there are levels in even this level. The highest level seems to be defined mostly by whether or not (and when) I grow bored and annoyed with their being around me. If I can stand you damn near all the time this says a lot.
A lack of social skills and interaction in general? I am not sure how that affects people in general...I know it makes me depressed as it does some others. Other people like Tongpu don't seem to give a shit though and aren't really affected either way. There are others still who get happy about lack of interaction with others.
The internet is just another avenue for me to interact with people, learn, and make friends.
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah
I have never been all that social, and have lapsed more into shut-in-ness over the years (though I would rather not elaborate on the circumstances, like the OP). As of now my closest friend is online, and I find it a rather bittersweet thing; he is probably the most relatable person I have ever considered an acquaintance and yet I will probably never meet him.
Yet the not-being-face-to-face thing has its advantages, as my social skills have never really been that good, so I find indirect friendships preferable to face-to-face ones anyway.
I was initially hesitant to post this, as I worried I would come off as clingy, but I felt it was relevant
edited 26th Mar '11 2:40:37 PM by AnonymousUser
Admittedly I never think about those, as I'm not in the hunting for that as of now. I have no idea what I'd do to get by.
Oh My
Ah yes. You are right about that, Tongpu.
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah
Nihilist Hippie
"Social interaction is overrated"
Nope [1]
. Social interaction is a need. I am a shut-in too, and I feel hopeless and have no motivation.
edited 26th Mar '11 2:21:59 PM by LoveHappiness
"Had Mother Nature been a real parent, she would have been in jail for child abuse and murder." -Nick Bostrom
I engage in social interaction often enough. I have my musical groups, church groups, even my tutorial class, and they all suffice for me.
However, I don't have any friends and I have not had any since the fifth form. Social interaction is valuable but having friends isn't really necessary. I'm simply not interested in having friends and I don't like other people in general (although I'm good at pretending otherwise).
edited 26th Mar '11 2:35:09 PM by TheGloomer
^^ I'm a shut-in and I feel more hope than I ever did when I was social.
I dunno, I've been observing my roommate and she has to put up with a lot of stupid shit from having a social life. It's not worth it, I think. I know I can get practical benefits from knowing other people if I bothered, though. Stuff like homework help and money and free rides and such. But mentally I feel fine.
edited 26th Mar '11 2:47:21 PM by melloncollie
I think relating to online friends better than face-to-face ones is also a result of having very non-standard/insular interests (such as graphic design and typography), or simply my tendency to obsess over things.
I'd also say my lack of a "real" social life is less stress-inducing for me.
edited 26th Mar '11 3:00:30 PM by AnonymousUser
I am a shut-in. I'll skip the circumstances, but that's the way it is. Only friends are online....and while that's helped, it's not quite the same thing as interacting with real people.
So how would I go about being less....shut-in like?
Are friends an important part of your life? Are they vital to you're happiness? "Friend" is a broad term, so how do you define the different kinds of friendship? What kind of friends are important and which aren't? How does a lack of social skills and interaction affect people in general? How does the internet factor into this stuff? Don't be afraid to be a bit personal.
//If you could help me great, but feel free to just discuss the second half of the post.//
edited 26th Mar '11 12:28:20 AM by ViralLamb
Power corrupts. Knowledge is Power. Study hard. Be evil.