Things You are No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG

Well, I didn't actually convince the bad guy's allies; I was just prepared to when the party decided to take care of the guy more lethally. In this case, we actually had evidence that said bad guy was planning a double-cross for his own ends at some point in the then-near future, so it wouldn't have been that difficult, probably. That said, my character's morality is loose enough that he would have had no problems trying to convince said allies that the bad guy was planning a double-cross even without the evidence (though I suspect some bluff checks also may have been needed).

You can't diplomance everyone. You just have to figure out who you can diplomance, how, and when you should pull the trigger.

:D Nice!~

The party's wizard using illusion magic to create a bunch of floating "ゴゴゴ" around us does not grant a bonus to Intimidate checks. (mainly because the GM needed the reference explained to him, uncultured heathen that he is.)

Players using diplomacy to get out of everything is an invitation for the GM to send unintelligent foes after you. Trying to talk down a mithril golem will result in an extremely charismatic smear on the ground.

• I am to give more than two seconds of consideration to any round in which I cast spells — When asked what I'm baleful polymorphing the prince into, "sunfish" should not necessarily be my first option. When tasked with dealing with a good and righteous paladin who, due to politics, is our rival, my first resort should not be Hellfire Ray.

• Intimidate is not an appropriate skill to use for international politics. While they might sign the trade agreement, 1d6 minutes the unfriendly diplomat will return to hostile and declare war on us.

• The arcanist using Dimension Slide for tactical advantage is advisable; using it to land an elbow drop is not.

Any GM thinks that they can stop my Diplomancer with a golem needs to read up on just what happened the last time a GM sent a golem after my bard. Just because I'm super good at diplomacy doesn't mean I neglected the non-diplomatic abilities my character has.

Hey, the rules do specify just what happens when baleful polymorph is used and the caster chooses something inappropriate for the current environment - they get a +4 to the save. Unless your party is arguing that you should have picked something that doesn't give a bonus to the save - that's probably a good idea. For the other point... would chaos hammer be any better?

And from a recent one-shot, I need to be much more careful about trigger discipline with Schrödinger's Gun, lest I derail the session and make the GM veeeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyy unhappy.

Ilithids and flumphs are not romantically compatible.

Lighting a cigar off of a fire spell is only cool the first three times.

No matter how badass it would be, can not play a half gnome, half ilithid.

Dwarves are not allowed to eat minotaurs.

Minotaurs are not allowed to eat elves.

Nobody's allowed to eat a treant.

It is highly unlikely that a goblin bard would be able to garrote somebody with an accordion.

• I am to stop lighting torches, cigars and bomb fuses off the Ifrit.

• Barmaids are not 'One Use Only'

• I am not to convince the party that the Codex Alimentarius is what they think it is.

• Telling a succubus to go fuck herself is likely to result in her replying "okay".
  • I cannot do the previous on purpose.

• The stairs are usually the better option.

• "Fuck the Elves" is an insult. Not a command.

• Beer doesn't act like holy water against elves.

• Telling kobolds apart should not require a perception check.
  • Perception checks to tell if they are male or female, on the other hand, are hilarious.

• It is unprofessional to start giggling when informed that the local knightly order makes trainees sleep with their mounts during training.

edited 1st Jun '16 12:54:47 PM by TheManFromOutside

Have elves suddenly replaced halflings as the most abused race in your games?

you see the super soldiers the GM has came up with to be running antagonists? I am not allowed to call artillery strikes down on them and basically end the campaign before it begins... the same goes for airstrikes

I've been creating a fantasy/sci-fi pathfinder campaign world for my uni gaming group to play over placement year (hopefully). Unlike the halflings though, the elves here really, really deserve it.

@2609 To be fair, those of us who remember how fantastically wonderful elves were in early editions of D&D (culminated by the infamous splatbook The Complete Book of Elves - and if you knew someone who was a fan of said book, it was even worse) kind of treat elves poorly as a kneejerk response. There are a lot of people that make all sorts of jokes about elves - my personal favorite is that elf farts smell like cinnamon.

Put it this way - the elf bard I'm currently running in a Pathfinder game is the first elf I've statted out in over a decade. And even then, I admittedly made notes at several places at just how non-elf-like he is (treats other races as equal, has frequent serious moods, he has a build that would be considered moderate on a human, etc.).

edited 2nd Jun '16 6:58:55 AM by 32_Footsteps

So he's a more "modern" elf then?

Ridiculous. My character is allowed to bite anything (eating has never been on the table, though, except for a passing remark by another character about an undead). He got his mouth stuck to a mimic at some point.

edited 3rd Jun '16 5:34:07 AM by Khudzlin

@2613 Well, at times, he does edge into My Species Doth Protest Too Much by design, but his major bugaboo is more about noble houses than species. Given that, in the campaign world, the high elven houses have basically been responsible for perpetuating something about to turn into a global disaster (which our plucky heroes naturally have to avert), he's not totally off-base about that.

The only reason he comes off as a knee-jerk reaction to Our Elves Are Better is that the high noble houses, which he really dislikes, tend to have that attitude.

Now he needs an elven antagonist who's the opposite of My Species Doth Protest Too Much. A #notallelves elf. :P

edited 4th Jun '16 1:13:31 AM by Noaqiyeum

I can no longer use a wish to summon a loyal golem made of anything that reacts violently with any of our immediate surroundings, such as magnesium in a volcano, mercury in enclosed spaces or a gallium or aluminum room, elements from group 1 (excluding hydrogen) and group 2 elements (with the exception of beryllium, and radium is never an option).

Oh, and antimatter! ANYWHERE!

No dioxigene difluoride golem then? Aw...

@2616 Uh... actually, yeah, he does have one of those. Said antagonist is not only the current head of one of the most powerful political families among the elves, he's the frigging fleet admiral for their navy (it's kind of a chicken-and-egg question as to whether the power comes from his military might or the military might comes from the power... that said, he's an extremely competent admiral, so it's not just a rich guy's sinecure). This is what I get for having the party off the last guy who was a dark mirror for my character (clearly, I need to step in front of fewer mirrors).

@2617 The range admittedly is an issue, but can I interest you in the spell major creation?

Apparently, if a wooden outhouse has a note on the door that reads "KEEP OUT" in all caps, it means "If you enter, a purple worm will eat one of your party members, whose player will be so salty, he'll turn his mic off".

Related to that, casting Heroics cannot be fluffed as you putting your hand on the dead party member's identical sibling and telling them "You always were my favourite twin.".

that adventure is so fun. I ran it with my players using the different pregens. Everyone died at least once except for the rogue.

I cant hire bouncers who have detect evil for our metal band. Stupid demon summoners wrecking our reputation :(

edited 11th Jun '16 6:21:36 PM by Braincogs

• My lich should not refer to Maruts as "The fuzz".

• I can't have the entire planet be my phylactery.

• No matter how fast I can regenerate, my own teeth are not a practical throwing weapon

• There are to be no musical numbers in the campaign.

• There are no third-orcs.

• It's called Favoured Enemy, not Racism Bonus.

• Speaking of which, none of the following can be my favoured enemy: Mailmen, street urchins, hillbillies, people who are currently looking the other way, other people's spines, intact windows.

what about the French?

Well, I mean, if you want to be specific...

Fetchez la vache !