If you're atheist and your significant other was religious...:

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Coming across this question as a fairly squishy soft atheist, I have to say that I sorta put myself in a really unique position.

I'm an atheist yes, but I LOVE RELIGION. Just not being a part of it. Most of my friends are Jews, Muslims, and Atheists. My best friend is a Neo-Pagan. Whenever I get the chance, I always really enjoy learning more about how their faith shapes their lives.

Granted though, I do have a bias. In fact, I wouldn't put it past most 20 somethings that we have a bias against something. And indeed, it's Christianity. Which I honestly can't stand.

I was raised as a Christian for 18 years of my life from my parents until I had to decide that I'd need something else for myself in life, and as a result, whether I had control over it or not, I ended up loosing pretty much 99% of any connection to Christians. Which again, I honestly can't stand. But I digress, I'm going off topic here.

Basically, as an atheist I wouldn't mind being in love with someone religious. In fact, I'd like it and I've tried to do it too with moderate success. There's the issue of her/him shoving their belief's on me, but if that the case then I wouldn't bother. The basic rule we've both had to hold onto (and this also applies to my friends) is that what works best for you doesn't always work best for someone else. If you can't follow that then I can still get along with you, I just have a limit on how close I'd like to get to you.

Kanaya, it's hard. Being a kid growing up. It's hard and no one understands.
127 Tzetze20th Feb 2011 12:35:37 AM from a converted church in Venice, Italy
128 Chagen4620th Feb 2011 12:38:18 AM from I don't really know

I refuss to believe it. That has to be a parody. Like the Landover Baptist forums. I refuse to belive that people could think the earth is flat in today's age.
"Who wants to hear about good stuff when the bottom of the abyss of human failure that you know doesn't exist is so much greater?"-Wraith
Always Right
...wow, I just learned something depressingly incredible in this thread that I never intended to learn...

I wonder what they think the corner at the edges of the Earth must be like.

edited 20th Feb '11 1:00:30 AM by Signed

"Every opinion that isn't mine is subjected to Your Mileage May Vary."
Why would they want me to worship something less than myself... jk jk Kidding aside.

I suppose tell them how I feel and if they can't accept that I suppose break up with them. There are other fish in the sea after all, sure I'll always remember that fish and I may sometimes cry over that fish, but lying to that fish would be more harmful in the long run, if I truly love that fish then I can let that fish go, and keep my integrity.


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edited 20th Feb '11 1:09:34 AM by Vyctornian

"Every anime character is bisexual until proven otherwise." - A comment a found on youtube.
Failed Comic Artist
Hey, people can delude themselves into thinking that anything they havent personally witnessed is false. Just look at the whole moon landing hoax theory. Deluded idiots the lot of them.
I dont know why they let me out, I guess they needed a spare bed
Her with the hat
Hey, I once had a girl in my class whose father was a minster of a "church" (They got accused of being a cult more than once) that taught humans and dinosaurs used to run around together. And who knows what other stuff - that was just her example of "Look what crazy things my dad believes!"
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I won't kill you.
It's not crazy, just ignorant. It becomes crazy if, once they've explained to you exactly why that isn't possible, and you understood the explanation, you still press on.


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Not Actually Indie
I refuss to believe it. That has to be a parody. Like the Landover Baptist forums. I refuse to belive that people could think the earth is flat in today's age.

...eventually, we will reach a maximum entropy state where nobody has their own socks or underwear, or knows who to ask to get them back.
paradisi deperitus
@Depraved Bisexual : well not actually a "strawman atheist" i just see what level of harm they can do... this is something i can't win, but at least i'll take some of them down with me in discussion, and yes they are both, they are so blind by their faith that they want to destroy anybody who makes them doubt, they tell me they have mathematical proof which is flawless and perfect, i tell them show me, they never do it, then i ask is it perfect? they say yes, then a ask them: "you know what coriolis efect is?" they are dumbfounded, they don't know what they are talking about, static earth, flat earth, whatever... they live their life blind by faith, mind you i live in a third world country, have to crack wifi wep to get online on a crappy and battered 4 year old laptop to get online, people here are so blind they can't see shit even if its sticking to their face (sorry for my typos, my english is sorta kinda rusty), and being poor and ignorant lets people blind them even more... so they do exist, and are pathetic, its like salem witch hunt all over again with pinch forks and everything when they see people of science... if you think this is a parody, let me sigh and tell you 3 words and a name: "Westboro Baptist Church" and "Fred Phelps" in your country... when i heard it i thought it wasn't real, a parody... than i found out it isn't, its very real, and disgusting that people are like that... and the worst i have people like that as family...and much harm and torture done to me...

@Subtlyinyour Mind : when i got away to study and work when i had my life for myself before a "accident i had...." being a atheist didn't do me much harm... i had friends from all kinds of religions, the deal was "no talk about religion" and everybody was happy NOT IMPOSING, and they were good friends in those times... so i sorta understand you...

@Signed : from what they told me.. the edges drop of to hell...

@Ardiente : lol wut? can you please explain what you said in less rhetoric... my english is kinda rusty and i have a concussion (not joking...)

edited 20th Feb '11 11:42:34 AM by aquaphoenix

"I've become death... the destroyer of worlds...and come to think about it... it's only the end of the world"
@aquaphoenix Sadly, there’s a good number of those kinds of people you’ve described everywhere. Not just people who believe the earth is flat and all that, but people who generally can’t live in a world where people believe something different from them. The people usually crank the Fear of the Unknown Up to Eleven, and thus can’t cope with anything they don’t understand. It’s a shame that people like that exist, and having spent a good deal of time with similar people, I can understand what you’ve gone through. Of course, I haven’t been tortured or bent towards suicide because of it, as what I saw wasn’t that socially extreme, but that doesn’t make your situation any less horrific.

The best way to deal with these kinds of people is to simply cut them out of your life for as long as you can manage. It’s tough, especially dependant on where you may live, but that seems to be the only way to stop what’s happening to you.
137 SmartGirl33330th Aug 2015 01:52:15 AM from Australia , Relationship Status: Longing for my OTP
Sorry for necropost, this is interesting. As a borderline anti-theist, I would probably leave them or try to deconvert them. Although, I would wonder how I got into a relationship with this person without knowing they were religious enough to convert.
138 DeMarquis30th Aug 2015 05:44:22 AM from Hell, USA , Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Who Am I?
The OP was: "What would you do if they wanted to convert you? What if they say they can't be with you because of how you are not a member of their religion?"

I'm a theist, and even I think that if they have to use emotional blackmail to try and "convert" you, then it's time to leave the relationship.
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple and wrong
139 SmartGirl33330th Aug 2015 01:37:49 PM from Australia , Relationship Status: Longing for my OTP
That's the likelier option.
140 Corvidae30th Aug 2015 02:06:39 PM from it's nest. , Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
I like to think that I would know the person in question well enough to know whether something like this might happen or not before they became my significant other.
"Bara för att man är utklädd till ett monster så måste man ju inte spy..."
Indeed. By the time someone becomes a significant other, any sort of religious or ideological differences should be either settled or broke the deal already. If my significant other tried to convert me, the question would be - how the heck we even got involved in the first place?

Now, there can be interesting issues with the relatives of SO. If, say, the views of the person themselves are compatible enough with mine, but they have hyper-religious relatives that would not allow them to marry outside of the religion, and if lack of parental approval can have serious social or economic consequences
If we disagree, that much, at least, we have in common
142 Aszur31st Aug 2015 07:30:19 AM from trapped here with you. , Relationship Status: TV Tropes ruined my love life
Not quite wrong. Not quite right.
"But sweetie. We have so many other things we could be doing on Sunday. Like sex."

And now you know why I would never end up with a religious significant other in the first place. Or a significant other anyways.

Silliness aside, religious values (particularly if they are important to the person) have a way of seeping out through a person's personality and interests during a relationship. My bet is that if two people were in a relationship ad they were incompatible due to a religious difference they will eventually break up and if they don't then I have nothing but pity for the mess that would be to come.
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes.
To the OP's question:

If they tried to convert me I'd probably enjoy arguing with them, for a while. After which I'd say "sorry, but this is starting to make me unconfortable, let's just agree to disagree".

If she kept going on after that, and especially if she tried to impose a "convert or breakup" choice... well, she would most definitely not be a person I'd be interested in dating.

edited 31st Aug '15 7:56:50 AM by Cozzer

144 PhiSat31st Aug 2015 08:06:55 AM from Everywhere and Nowhere
As someone whose parents are still together despite having this argument for the last 20 years, I can say if you're ever in that position, get out and get out fast because it won't get better.
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Total posts: 144
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