How to make a friend.

The title. If you're in a group or a class and want to be better friends with some people you see often, how do you approach that without coming on too passively or forcefully? Just the basic skills.

whoever wrote this shit needs to step on a rake in a comedic fashion

If I see someone I want to be friends with, I'll just have a chat with them, mention Manga and/or D&D and/or videogames.

Common interests are the key here.

Something I've noticed: I think on the first meeting it's better to give a memorable first impression, otherwise they won't be motivated to get to know you better.

I'm no expert on this, though.

Keep going at it. Find some common interests between you. Spend time together. Do things together. All are pretty important in my opinion and the most important thing is: Enjoy yourself.

Always remember that no t all people is worth it.Nor all people will be liked by you or viceversa.

It isn't estrictly nessesary to have common interests(but surely it helps). Try to find a topic to talk.

Always show interest in the person , and dont just talk about you. If you care aboiut the other persons , he will care for you

Make your hearth shine through the darkest night; let it transform hate into kindness, evil into justice, and loneliness into love.

How exactly do you begin this "chat"? i.e. what words do you use? How do you segue into that?

Be awesome.

BEING AWESOME IS HOW YOU MAKE FRIENDS!

I don't see why it should be hard, just be polite and enthusiastic. In a word, charisma.

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! ~ GOD

See if they want to have lunch after class, ask for their facebook, etc.

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

You just.. talk to people. Smile. If you know you have shared interests, it helps a lot; otherwise, talk about something else that you'll both be familiar with.

I don't think there's really a skill or a particular trick involved. You just talk, and listen, and the conversation should develop naturally from there. If it's appropriate to talk about D&D or whatever, it should be apparent.

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Tongpu, I don't know if you're being sarcastic or genuinely curious, nothing on this forum surprises me anymore, but a banal opening line such as "where did you get your sweater" should work. If they're interested in establishing contact, which most people are, they'll reply with something more substantial than "uh, the Gap," and voila, the ice is broken.

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

Thank you. That is the sort of thing I was asking. And for future reference, I happen to loathe sarcasm.

A distinction must be made between the OP and me. The OP seeks instructions, whereas I seek specific examples of words and phrases which people have used to begin conversations and segue into a given subject. "just talk to people" appears insufficiently specific for either of our purposes.

edited 7th Feb '11 12:31:14 PM by Tongpu

I have a feeling the OP is asking for a high school setting - but if I meet someone I think I'll along with at the office, I'll normally ask if they want to come for a drink after work.

Forceful socialization through overlapping social circles, group work or always being at a certain location. If you don't know how to approach people, let them approach you: it's easier to make conversation if you're actually doing something/are at something that is a conversation topic in itself.

I know what you said, sugar, but 'platonic' still entails a world of ideas.

Honestly I don't necessarily want someone to go straight into some of my interests. I've met a few people who, as soon as they know I play videogames, just want to talk about videogames constantly. I love the games they want to talk about, but it kind of freaks me out when as soon as they know I play Starcraft II or something they want to constantly share every detail of the games they played last night with me.

You gain bonus points with me for playing the same games as me, but it doesn't mean I want to talk about them that much. The only time I really want to talk about multiplayer games with other people IRL is if we play them together.

Making friends is really more trouble than it's worth, which is why I stopped worrying about it around about the time I turned fifteen. While it will probably harm my prospects in the future, I think I have been managing well without friends.

It's not that I'm not liked and I have some acquaintances, but I don't think friends are all that important at the end of the day.

edited 7th Feb '11 2:56:52 PM by TheGloomer

Does your class have group projects where you pick your own partner? If so, come up to the person you'd like to befriend and ask to partner with them. It worked for me.

If I'm asking for advice on a story idea, don't tell me it can't be done.

College, actually. Somewhere in between high school and the office. The range of people is a lot wider, and if you see someone in one class, you're not likely to see them in your other ones. Although, I don't have to just meet people at school—getting out and around more people in general would be good for me.

Thanks; you guys have some good ideas.

whoever wrote this shit needs to step on a rake in a comedic fashion

Generally people tend to sit in the same seat at lectures. Soif you happen to pick a seat near them you just say Hi now and then. Eventually you make small comments along the lines of "Hot, isn't it?" or "How did you find the quiz yesterday?" or "Isn't that lecturer's tie odd" and conversations just start up.

Be not afraid...

I was going to say "start with 'Hi' and go from there" but Loni Jay beat me to it. A comment on the class, on a book they're carrying, something they're wearing (jewelry is usually safe; clothing can be awkward at times), even on the weather.

...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.

A question I hear a lot is just what comes after that first conversation. How often is it polite to do it again, etc?

whoever wrote this shit needs to step on a rake in a comedic fashion

also you should join a club where you are forced to interact with people.

First, make sure you have all the parts, and the tools, and the illustrated instructions on how to put them together ...

That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw

Well, if you know someone (can start from being in the same course and having already talked or you just see each other alot without talking) greeting them when you see them is actually consindered polite wether you're friends or just acquainted. Greetings are also a great starting point for a conversation - it's their explicite purpose. Of course, if you know each other better you may also storm up to them and chew of their ear with your worries/new information/whatever you want to share.
Ideally talking to a friend when you see each other should always be possible. If you don't talk when you still see each other it's often because of a fight. Just pick up topics from the last conservation (maybe you have some new questions for him or you have a shared activity which progresses over time e.g. new episode of a series) or something you talked about a while ago or you talk about something new. Maybe something new happened to you or the world. Just share and it should progress naturally. And next time you plan to watch a film or explore something you can invite your friend to come.

Making friends is easy!

1. Be sociable.
2. Stay in contact.
3. Add tentacles where necessary.

♥♥II'GSJQGDvhhMKOmXunSrogZliLHGKVMhGVmNhBzGUPiXLYki'GRQhBITqQrrOIJKNWiXKO♥♥

This sounds weird, but...complain about something, in a small way. Just say something like 'God, I'm tired' or 'This room is freezing' and most people will a) sympathise or b) agree.

Scepticism and doubt lead to study and investigation, and investigation is the beginning of wisdom. - Clarence Darrow