Explain romance/love

How and why does it happen? What is the point?

Isn't it inevitable that one would get bored of one's husband/wife/lover after only a few months? I simply can't fathom how any other outcome would be possible. It seems to me like a complete waste of time and money.

I would simply like to understand it.

Isn't it inevitable that one would get bored of one's husband/wife/lover after only a few months?

No.

It sounds like you have low emotional intelligence.

edited 6th Feb '11 9:37:57 AM by Grain

Yes, you might get bored of your wife. This can be compared with getting bored with your front room. You can move, or you can redecorate. Redecorating is usually easier and there are lots of fun ways to redecorate your wife.

Love has two stages, passionate and companionate. Most true love is a mixture of both. Passionate love comes first, a strong infatuation with another person. Companionate love is the cozy feeling you get after having been with another person for a long time. Love doesn't go away after a few months, so much as it changes from passionate to companionate.

edited 6th Feb '11 9:44:04 AM by LeighSabio

It sounds like you have low emotional intelligence.

Oh dear. This is rather confusing. There seem to be several models on that page; which do you have in mind? Sorry. I don't really know much about psychology.

Love has two stages, passionate and companionate. Most true love is a mixture of both. Passionate love comes first, a strong infatuation with another person. Companionate love is the cozy feeling you get after having been with another person for a long time. Love doesn't go away after a few months, so much as it changes from passionate to companionate.

How does it happen in the first place, though? What causes it? I often hear about the need to find someone who is "special" or something like that but I can't work out what qualifies as "special". Obviously I can recognise traditionally accepted norms of physical attractiveness and I know when one individual might be considered more or less conventionally attractive than another, but that's about it.

Most of the married couples I have ever met really do give the impression of being "people who live together and have the same surname" rather than "people who love one another".

edited 6th Feb '11 10:00:28 AM by TheGloomer

Oh dear. This is rather confusing. There seem to be several models on that page; which do you have in mind? Sorry. I don't really know much about psychology.

The thing that I had in mind was the description at the top of the article. Is that paragraph confusing?

I see. This bit?

a self-perceived ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups

I'm not absolutely sure how that figures into this. I believe I can control my own emotional state though I'm not very good at assessing what others feel towards me unless it involves emotional extremes.

Hmm, the infatuation surely dies in a few months, but getting tired of one's loved one? Do people get tired of their friends after a couple of months? And if couple's regard for each other is not so high as to maintain friendship, then this one does not sees any reason for them to marry at all.

Do people get tired of their friends after a couple of months?

I wouldn't know. I didn't really have any friends in the last couple of years of school and I can't say I miss seeing any of the people I knew.

: Poor you. I've had a few real friends, and for me it pains me a lot to not be able to see them as often as I used to. When you fall in love, the second aspect is more or less someone you can properly identify with, like a real friend, and at some point you know each other enough that you are best friends who just so happen to live together.
Now... can we discuss something more interisting, such as why do not real friends move together and make their epos about love? :P

Gloomer, did your lack of friends make you feel unhappy?

edited 6th Feb '11 12:37:31 PM by Grain

Not really, no. Funny that you should use that pothole, though, because I did eat lunch alone (honestly, I couldn't stand the racket in the canteen or the sixth form common room and avoided them like the plague). Similarly, I was the only person in my year who didn't go to our sixth form formal event. Truth be told, I was very much indifferent to the other people in my year even though I'm told that I was fairly well-liked.

I prefer my own company in most situations and to be honest, I've never been all that interested in making friends (which I will admit probably harms my prospects for the future). Still, I've never really felt lonely or anything, in spite of what my parents seem to assume.

edited 6th Feb '11 12:50:40 PM by TheGloomer

I don't know OP, I'm someone looking for companionship, that's the love I'm after. Not just a financial partner and someone to screw and mutually comfort, I want somebody who clicks with my personality enough to where we can fully support and understand one-another. I've experienced that before, and it's a wonderful feeling. I'd spend the rest of my life with her if I could.

edited 6th Feb '11 12:51:02 PM by Barkey

I prefer my own company in most situations and to be honest, I've never been all that interested in making friends (which I will admit probably harms my prospects for the future). Still, I've never really felt lonely or anything, in spite of what my parents seem to assume.

It seems that you have little desire to be loved. Do you think that you have the ability to love someone? Do you have trouble understanding what love is, or trouble understanding why love is?

edited 6th Feb '11 12:55:40 PM by Grain

It seems that you have little desire to be loved. Do you think that you have the ability to love someone?

I honestly don't know.

Do you have trouble understanding what love is, or trouble understanding why love is?

I suppose my answer would have to be both. Why does it happen and why is it important? Why do we/should we care about other people?

...

I do hope I'm not coming across as some kind of nutter, here.

It happens because of chemicals in the brain. It's important because otherwise, there wouldn't be as many people around.

: Who want to be loved by noise imbeciles who can't even grasp what is in front of them? If you have not encountered a soul mate, you would not be able to grasp it, especially if you are not "normal", because you unintentionally do not view the world as they do.

: There is no reason for caring about people, but once you meet someone who you properly understand, one that one properly understands you, along with that you have sort of shares interests, you suddenly got a reason to care. "Love" is the same thing, except with a bit more fuel behind it.
Basically, "normal people" tend to never realize that most people they are with are arses, and they enjoy disillusion to them self to much to make a good example of friendship or love.
And it is nothing like meeting someone who you just share mutual interests of, but rather someone you can properly communicate with.

Edit: Goddam ninja :(

edited 6th Feb '11 1:18:19 PM by del_diablo

"I don't know OP, I'm someone looking for companionship, that's the love I'm after. Not just a financial partner and someone to screw and mutually comfort, I want somebody who clicks with my personality enough to where we can fully support and understand one-another. I've experienced that before, and it's a wonderful feeling. I'd spend the rest of my life with her if I could."

This is what I'm looking for. I've found someone I click wonderfully with, but are they THE PERSON? Maybe. No idea. I do want to stay with them for as long as I possibly can though.

edited 6th Feb '11 1:19:18 PM by Aondeug

If I were Raw Power I would be expected to post a certain video. The one from Jet Set Radio Future. But I won't. OP, if you want to know what I'm talking about, go to youtube and type "concept of love". Uh.

That said, explaining love would be sort of like explaining hunger. We have a need to create social bonds that are stronger than usual for the prupose of maximally eficient breeding. But they must be flexible enough to allow us to change breeding partners depending on circumstances. However, like most secondary goals that evolution planted in our brains for the sake of the ultimate goal of spreading our own genes, this secondary goal has taken a life of its own. We treat it like a goal in and of itself. Neurotypical people draw a lot of strength from social acceptance, and romantic love is the social acceptance, to the point that it can override all others. You Are Worth Hell, Us Against The World... We can get used not to have love in our lives. We can get used not to have an internet either, or to a world without TV Tropes. Wouldn't it feel hollow and empty, once we have tasted the glory?

"people who live together and have the same surname"

This, pretty much. I mean, how many people do you know that you'd be willing to live with them for 40+ years?

As for why someone would want to do that... I've heard people say things like their spouse is "their other half". I don't think the passion part would be sustainable for 40+ years, for me it's becoming like a habit. It's just normal to have them around and hang out with them.   ^*

Also, since nobody ever talks about it, you get tax benefits.

edited 6th Feb '11 2:41:11 PM by melloncollie

What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more

Beyond a scientific "It is to breed" viewpoint, love is basically the deepest connection you can form with another human. It's important because humans tend not to fare well if they don't have someone they connect with; we are social creatures, after all, and we have a strong pack mentality. As for boredom, no. Eventually the 'screwing like rabbits' stage passes into something akin to an extremely cose friend. You can share anything with them, and they're always there to comfort you, just as you are always there for them.

-sigh- I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm not good with expressing emotional stuffs.

Well you shouldn't. I don't see any empirically justifiable reason for the State to encourage people to bind themselves to each other through contracts.

edited 6th Feb '11 3:35:23 PM by Ardiente

^ Incentivise couples to stay together to raise children, maybe?

edited 6th Feb '11 4:02:13 PM by BobbyG

Me neither, but it's there so I'll take advantage of it if I can.

Hmm, the infatuation surely dies in a few months

Not necessarily, especially if it isn't infatuation but limerence. That can last for years.