Polyamory

I do think that that's behind at least some of the people who do that. Of course, they might not be happy in a long-term relationship even if poly; some people are just relentless neophiles who get bored of everyone, including friends.

A brighter future for a darker age.

@Morven: good point. There exist people for whom the thrill of the new is the only thing they're after. Dated a few of them, unfortunately.

But I'm equally sure that people exist who, because mainstream society forces them to "choose", find it acceptable to go through partner after partner searching for the "perfect" one.

After all, serial monogamy is sort of the socially acceptable method for being a "slut".

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

Especially if you make it look like it was never your decision or your boredom that was the breaker.

A brighter future for a darker age.

Bonus points are given for that, yes...along with "it just wasn't working between us, y'know?"

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

I'd agree that some people are mentally made for ply relationships, and that's fine. I mean, I'm not, but hell I won't put down people for what makes them happy, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone. And poly relationships don't hurt anyone.

I'd never considered that explanation for serial monogamists before. I'd always thought that they were doing something wrong. It could be that they're working off the wrong premise altogehter. It seems to explain a lot.

"War doesn't prove who's right, only who's left." "Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future."

@Handle: It's been my theory from the get-go, especially because a lot of people I know who were serial monogamists for long periods are now either A: Poly or B: In relationships and still eye-fucking other people.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

That's what happened with me. I went through a long string of relationships before I realized I couldn't be happy with a strictly monogamous relationship. I needed someone that could understand that they can't make me completely happy alone.

I would get bored or frustrated within six months, then dump them and find someone else. Or I would make the mistake of asking if we could be in an open relationship, then they'd get all pissy and controlling.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

Not to sound arrogant or anything, but some people just don't have ]the ability to be completely happy with just one. Those who don't realize that poly is an option for them often leave behind a series of trashed relationships and broken hearts.

I always took that a simple fact of life. Honestly though I doubt that most people have the ability to share their love either.

edited 23rd Feb '11 10:57:11 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

Although I suspect more would if it wasn't for pretty much intensive training that you're supposed to be jealous.

A brighter future for a darker age.

Yeah. I get a feeling that if we stopped pushing the "One Man; One Woman" thing on people, there would be a lot more people who'd be comfortable with sharing.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

/ I agree with you, but slamming the other side isn't fair when we've established that this isn't a debate. Respectfully I suggest we discuss the why these things exist/don't exist, rather than saying how it sucks that they do.

Not sure if that makes sense, but I am trying to be equitable here.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

Yeah I grok you. Lets not turn this into a monogamy bash.

hashtagsarestupid

I don't believe so. I think it would have come up last year, when  ^*

^{for immigration purposes}

she legally divorced one husband to marry the other one.

The few serial monogamists I know aren't leaving a trail of trashed relationships because they need to be poly, they're leaving it because they're self-destructive and/or control freaks who need therapy but are too stubborn/self-ignorant to go. Maybe you just know better people than I do.

IMO it's not just jealousy, but also a feeling/expectation that you should be good enough for them  ^*

^{and vice versa}

, and getting told, "Sorry, but you're just not good enough," is going to hurt  ^*

^{regardless of how true or sensable it is}

.

That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw

Yeah, pretty much — it generally has more to do with just not having any idea how to handle a relationship period, not feeling restricted about any given one. Trying to go poly just seems like throwing C4 onto the fire.

@Pykrete: Your metaphor actually works; going poly has the same effect as throwing C4 on the fire...a good deal less than people actually think, but their worry causes more trouble than the act itself.

edited 24th Feb '11 5:13:50 PM by drunkscriblerian

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

It's also something you don't want to go chucking onto fires as a first response unless you know what you're doing

edited 24th Feb '11 5:27:43 PM by Pykrete

ninjaed

edited 24th Feb '11 5:52:01 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

But if you knew what you were doing, you would know it's perfectly safe to throw C4 on a fire.

Only if you didn't know that C4 does not explode if you throw it into a fire would you not want to throw it on a fire.

I'm convinced that our modern day analogues to ancient scholars are comedians. -0dd1

I dislike polyamory because I see it as being significantly more likely to introduce power differentials than monoamory.

edited 25th Feb '11 4:43:51 PM by SFNMustDie

If you're not standing right over it or in a non-ventilated room. Fumes are a bitch.

And you know what I was getting at despite the rushed analogy. Being bad at mono relationships doesn't necessarily mean they feel stifled and are clamoring for an open relationship — if the problem is that they're just bad at communication in general (often the case), it will make things far worse.

I would switch c-4 for dynamite. c-4 burns quite safely :P

Interesting discussion so far.

Who watches the watchmen?

@Pykrete: I get what you're saying. And sometimes that's true.

But in other cases, such as myself, it's not.

In any case, this line of discussion is getting a bit off topic. We're not supposed to debate whether or not polyamory should exist or if it's moral here.

edited 25th Feb '11 4:51:41 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

I don't think it's inherently immoral, just like dual-wielding chainsaws or something. It sounds awesome on paper, but winds up being rather difficult to pull off properly when we already have enough trouble using one at a time, doesn't accomplish much more than one good one, and it can end up costing you an arm and a leg.

Agreed: I even went so far as to gently remind people who were starting to bash monogamy of this. This is a thread about the lifestyle, not a debate as to whether or not it should exist/is a good idea/is moral.

Some people say "yes" to all three of those things, and this thread is for them. Want to argue about it? make your own thread, I'll be glad to defend my position there.

edited 25th Feb '11 4:58:07 PM by drunkscriblerian

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~