Your Funniest Tabletop Story

Yeah, those stories are pretty much about player trolling gm for (according to storyteller) being bad at their job, they are kinda mean spirited when you think about them

edited 28th Sep '16 8:33:39 AM by SpookyMask

True. Also, Old Man Henderson has his own page on This Very Wiki

Now, as to your comment: Ricard is probably an example of excellent character-use because you're playing your character to the character. Henderson and TGDP are players getting revenge on bad DMs, whereas yours is basically trolling the DM but not at the same time

Which, to me, is honestly funnier than either of those.

I could genuinely picture Ricard's tales among those of 1d4chan very easily.

Exactly.

...Well, this is the right page for it...

So, I went and made a homebrew race that lets you play as... basically, a possessed object (with strict limits and so forth, but anyway).

I was sure there must be some overpowered or underpowered or straight-up 404-ing aspect of this that I wasn't finding, in spite of my efforts to make it work and make it not broken.
I think I may have found it.

There is a manga where a character actually uses a dildo as a weapon.

There's also Saints Row: The Third and Saints Row IV with "The Penetrator''

I'm totally gonna use that race by the way. That is really fucking cool.

Also a quick story from a session that happened last night! We started a new campaign and my newest character, Lizbeth, is a catgirl Badass Grandma who used to be an adventurer, settled down, had kids, retired, then realized retirement was boring as all sin and is now trying to get back into the swing of being a wanderer again.

In the first session the party all met up, we were tasked with escorting an apprentice mage to a tower more than half-way across the continent. Our first session ended up being the first third or so of the trip there, mostly riding down the roads and getting to know each others characters. Lizbeth started talking and for a good while told stories of her prime. Before long she ended up getting into an argument with the dwarf, who believed she was really just an old bag who was off her rocker for taking a job like this. He's mostly right. Lizbeth is 67 years old.

Shortly after the argument, we were ambushed by a group of feral orcs, and got ready to fight. Cue more arguing when Lizbeth pulled out her hand-axes instead of her longbow. Combat starts, most of us get crap initiative so all of the orcs go before us. Dwarf gets beat on a bit but it's fine because he's building almost nothing but pure tank, and then Lizbeth's turn rolls around.

Since Lizbeth has a good few oddities thanks to her backstory, I worked with our DM and she has a few differences compared to the other characters. For starters, she began the game dual-classed, and got an extra feat and proficiency thanks to her past experience, but in exchange we lowered her strength and con, and she received a bit less XP from every encounter.

Lizbeth's classes for those curious? Ranger and Barbarian.

I want you all to imagine the face of an orc who just witnessed an old woman leap from her horse hissing and screeching like a banshee, run up, cut him down in less than a second, and now she's looking towards him. The two orcs just dropped their weapons and ran for the hills. If that was what the crazy cat lady could do, they didn't wanna even try with the rest of the party.

After that Lizbeth regained her composure, and quietly turned around and looked back at the party while splattered with an orc's entrails. The dwarf was crying tears of happiness while our other two party members stared at her horrified.

It was a good first session.

edited 30th Sep '16 6:54:48 AM by Tranquilis

Thank you kind person. I've had next to no feedback on it for the longest time, and am dying to see how it actually works out in a campaign. I hope there isn't too much rules shit in there for your DM; it is pretty involved.

Come to think about it, has anyone here who plays Pathfinder used old age stat adjustments on their character? : D Adventurers are too young these days

Awesome.

Now you should take this, shop some cat ears on it, and print it out for her portrait.

PS: by "without DM", I guess you meant "with our DM"?

edited 30th Sep '16 1:13:11 AM by Medinoc

@1710 Hey, my last character was an elf specifically so I could avoid those. Well, a couple other reasons, but that was up there.

Okay, so i was off testing out my homebrew setting, and the adventurers came a across a factory running on the Applied Phlebotinum of the setting (planar energy), though seemingly abandoned.

So the first thing the ranger does is check for traps. There were none. Then she decided to check for trapdoors, because she though the people were hiding. I said 'sure' despite there being no trapdoors, to humor them.

She rolled 19 with a +1 for investigation.

I didn't really have the heart to tell her there was nothing there, so I quickly though up of something for her to find- a small figurine of a dragon.

Later on in the factory, they came across a shelf of spell scrolls made from the excess planar energy, mostly to give them some extra help in fighting the eventual 'boss' witin the heart of a factory. But to add a touch of luck, I decided to randomly decide which spells they got.

One of those spells was flesh to stone. Take a wild guess what they used it on.

And that my friends is how the ranger became the proud owner of a tiny silver dragon.

edited 3rd Oct '16 6:48:11 PM by BlizzardeyeWonder

Does Flesh to Stone work the reverse way? I hadn't known that. That would have been so useful to mess with our Paladin who had a love for animal statuettes.

There is a specific spell for the reverse. It's called Stone to Flesh (and they can't be used to counter each other, unlike other pairs of mutually reverse spells).

So something mildly funny: When party identifies that disease that Rat King(that mass of rats connected from tangled tails) that lives in rat infested warehouse carries is Bubonic Plague I wasn't expecting that either as GM, I hadn't read what disease it had in detail

The classics are always good.

edited 7th Oct '16 11:56:01 AM by Rosvo1

Yesterday we travelled through the desert for an hour towards the city of shadows. We find the skeletal remains of a shadow dragon. We identity the markings on its bones as runes used to bind things to the shadowfell. The gnome bard used prestidigitation to put the biggest symbol on his cloak for later reference. His cloak vanishes. He puts it on two rocks. The rocks disappear. He dispells the prestidigitation effect that's on his cloak. It reappears around his neck as a "shadowfell cloaker" and starts attacking him. One annoying combat later it's killed. Then the rocks come. They're coal black and incredibly hot. They gradually grow every round and they follow the gnome wherever he goes, flinging themselves at him when he attacks them. We end up shattering them by spraying them with chilled water followed up with ray of frost attacks. Entire encounter created by the gnome bard.

Kind of weird that a cantrip is enough to bind things to another plane; stuff like that usually requires a ritual and/or a college tuition's worth of shiny rocks and inks and incense and shit.

well.... I have some rather impressive Dark Heresy stories here, first off, the time we made an Inquisitor fall to chaos, you see, out Inquisitor was... not sane, he took a bolt round to skull a bit back and hadn't been the same since, this according to our slightly less insane Magos. Now... when investigating an Arbites fortress we were captured by fucking communist revolutionaries in power armour and with Plasma weapons... we managed to get out of earshot for long enough to have a quick conversation with the Inquisitor over a vox in which he attempted to kill us by detonating bomb collars he gave us when our party leader said "we choose life", but he was talked down... for the time being... The real problems came when the revolutionaries went to defuse our bomb collars, after out party leaders was disabled, and said leader was also a body double of the Inquisitor, the Inquisitors voice came over the collars and he demanded the body double "self terminate" he refused... this made the Inquisitor angry... and the body double said he was behaving "like a child" and that he wanted to discuss things like ration adults, only infuriating the Inquisitor more, and we were informed by the GM that he had already tried to detonate our collars, but mashing the "detonate" buttons repeatedly but nothing happened, adding to his temper. This is when things started to go badly... he started yelling death threats at us, saying that "YOU'RE GOING TO WISH THAT YOU'D DIE!" and that "MY EXTERMINATUS HAND IS ACTING UP!" (note, we had this game a few days before that episode of TTS came out) "I WILL BURN THIS WORLD TO SLAG!" and this caused the first accusation of heresy... that he would be wasting The Emperor's resources... making him EVEN angrier (there was a point where we should have stopped... we'd past that a looooong time ago and wanted to see where this would lead) and then... and then the REAL heresy started, he yelled down the vox link "I'M GOING TO DEVOUR YOUR SOULS! THE STARS WILL WEEP FOR WHAT I DO TO YOU!" and of course the ENTIRE party, and the revolutionaries, accused him of heresy with that... so he went off the deep end, a scream was heard over the vox and psychic lighting went off in the distance, he was PISSED, and the next thing we hard was "I'm looking through some very bad tomes to find something horrible to do to you" this lead to accusations of Chaos worship, us being declared traitors unless we kill the body double, and him pretending to commit suicide to trick the Inquisitor, and so we were taken away by the revolutionaries...

this was not the end to the insanity, next game, the revolutionaries leading us were ambushed by the rest of the Inquisitors retinue, a So B, desperado with a very fancy hat, and half a dozen stormtroopers, and it turns out their power armour was fake, and their plasma weapons were imitations... boy we looked stupid... and we discovered out Magos had been taken prisoner by the revolutionaries, so we went to rescue her (turns out it was a she) by breaking into their base, and in an attempt to silence a worker who discovered us sneaking in through the sewer system, a drunken cowboy Arbite shot him point blank in the head with a shotgun alerting a base of GE Qs to out presence... after fighting our way through them, the scum in our party epically failed a common knowledge: tech test while trying to shut down a nuclear reactor and started a meltdown... so to rectify this... we threw a vortex bomb we had been given a few games back by the Magos down there... somehow it worked! it sucked the reactor into the warp! aaaaaand the hole in the warp didn't dissipate... and a daemon crawled out... oh fuck....

edited 21st Oct '16 10:36:49 AM by FieldMarshalFry

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's common knowledge that you shouldn't shit down a nuclear reactor. That can't possibly help.

God, that story just sounds like Disaster Dominoes to the extreme

Then again, it is 40k, so that's expected

What does "GEQ" mean?

Guardsman Equivalent

Thanks. I knew what a MEQ was, but I didn't know this one yet.