Webcomic / Hitmen For Destiny
Half sprawling fantasy adventure, half doorslamming farce, Hitmen For Destiny
is a webcomic by Øyvind Thorsby. The setting is a city in Norway in 2009. Fusk and Vorte are assassins working for a mysterious organisation called Destiny. Their job is to covertly ensure that various prophecies come true. Their current job is to protect a woman called Anette Iversland, who has stumbled upon a magical sword that gives her unnatural strength, a lust for killing, and psychic dreams showing strange and fantastical monsters that she must kill.
And so begins a series of wild adventures involving portal monsters, miniature worlds, shapeshifting, Demonic Possession
, Bizarre Alien Biology
, and lots and lots of Zany Schemes
- Anyone Can Die: Lampshaded when Maythorn shouts "YOU CANNOT DIE!" as an important character dies.
- Because Destiny Says So
- Berserk Button: Lostclock hates the belief in ghosts, and will often spend hours telling you why.
- Bizarre Alien Biology: So, so much - and almost always explained in exquisite detail by Lostclock.
- Bookends: The first and last strips take place with two hitmen for destiny watching over an alley, both have a rift that open with a good and bad guy going through, and both have a significant prophesy trying to come true.
- Brick Joke:
- The dwarves are delusional; one believes that there are birds hiding in the ground to spy on people having sex. 150 strips later, we find out these birds were real.
- Lostclock assures Bianca that her tentacle will fall off in a week or two. They meet her after a three year time skip on her end, the tentacle having grown to monstrous proportions, and she quotes his words back at him sarcastically.
- Combat Clairvoyance: The feeyoufee sees by reading the minds of others. If the targets close their eyes, the monster has trouble finding them. Self-imposed blindness worked well until the creature grabbed a gull from outside.
- Convection Schmonvection: Jumping over lava pools, anyone?
- Demonic Possession: Dagon's "servants" can possess people for failing to perform a ritual correctly.
- Eureka Moment: "Well, they didn't have any ears."
- Eye Spy: One of Vorte's powers.
- Fat and Skinny: Fusk (tall and skinny) and Vorte (short and stout).
- From Bad to Worse: Any given story arc is one long string of the characters trying to keep up with frantic mashing of the 'make it worse' button.
- Go for the Eye: Attempted, but punching it with a fist wasn't good enough.
- Hollywood Evolution: Averted. Thorsby really understands evolution, and the evolutionary histories of his monsters are really well thought out. But they're still hilarious.
- Hypno Ray
- Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Third Prophecy episodes are named "In which...", Fourth Prophecy episodes are named "The ____ of _____", Fifth Prophecy episodes are named "____ and ____", Sixth Prophecy episodes are named "[Adjective] [Noun]", and Seventh Prophecy episodes are just single nouns or "__ hours/minutes".
- I Just Want to Be Normal: Bianca — or rather, she wants to stay normal in the face of everyone around her doing crazy prophecy stuff.
- Invisibility: An invisibility spell whimsically backfires. Twice
- Junkie Prophet: The seventh prophecy was obtained by licking toads.
- Karma Houdini: Fusk and Vorte royally screw up at their jobs, then lie to their superiors and kill lots of innocent people to cover it up. In the ending, they successfully escape into another universe where they can evade the authorities.
- Additionally, while Jyrme does get some punishment early on in the series, he gets off practically scot free for almost succeeding in becoming the ruler of the world, being able to return to his homeworld and make amends with his wife.
- Literal Cliffhanger: When the castle turned invisible, a character caught a ledge and couldn't pull himself up. He sees how much danger he's in when the castle re-appears.
- Lovecraftian Superpower: Vorte can release "deadly headspikes" from his head and let one of his eyes roam free on bat wings; Kubrick can suck enemies into his glowing navel, which utterly destroys them; the Servant of Dagon can sprout tentacles from the body of whoever it's currently possessing (which remain, fully controllable, after it leaves).
- Made of Plasticine: Everyone.
- The Men in Black: The agents of Destiny.
- Mexican Standoff: Between Fusk and Bianca. The twist is that one of the guns has blanks, but neither of them know which. What follows is a lot of Gunpoint Banter as each tries to out-game-theory the other.
- Most Definitely Not a Villain: Jymre is probably the worst shapeshifter of all time. He doesn't bother to try to act like the people he's impersonating, and when questioned, he panics severely.
- Mr. Exposition: Professor Lostclock Dripkettle.
- No Immortal Inertia: The magic granted to the three sisters only operate in their own house. They use magic to keep themselves alive, but as soon as the walls for last sister's house gets knocked down, her skin and tissue dissolve to leave only a skeleton.
- "Not Wearing Pants" Dream: "Dreaming of bread" has Anette fully clothed. Rather, the passport she uses to buy bread shows her naked.
- Once More, with Clarity!: In "14 Minutes", we see a a montage of various scenes we'd already seen, but now with the knowledge that the Triceratops at the restaurant, Inatario's girlfriend, and Lostclock's ghost were all actually Jymre, the shapeshifter.
- Only Sane Woman: Bianca for the main group. Rosendal could be said to fulfill this role for the agents.
- Portal Cut: One invincible foe is defeated in this manner. His upper body is kept around, but doesn't decay.
- Portal Network: the living portals.
- Required Secondary Powers: Averted - when you're invisible, you're also blind.
- Ring of Power: Brynhild's ring of invulnerability.
- Running Gag: Caspar Gropius has the ability to make manifest anyone's worst fear once per person, but always ends up summoning a giant spider instead.
- Sacrificial Lion: Rosendal and Kubrick.
- Sanity Slippage: Anette begins to suffer this as a consequence of the sword's influence.
- Screw Destiny: Bianca's modus operandi.
- Shout-Out: Whenever Fusk and Vorte are in the restaurant, there's usually a few characters from other comics or cartoons at the adjacent tables.
- Shapeshifter Default Form: Jymre's default form is a weird looking alien.
- Sliding Scale of Free Will vs. Fate: People mentioned in prophecies sometimes try and fight fate. Sometimes it works, but most of the time, it doesn't. The first successful attempt caused the bad guy to get killed by lightning when there was a clear sky, but it broke prophesy with the other person not needing to leave his home for the quest. It was later discovered that a missed prophesy will cascades into future prophetic failures. The result is Because Destiny Says So slowly shifts to Screw Destiny.
- Snowball Lie: So, so many.
- Spies in a Van
- Spiritual Successor: The Accidental Space Spy by the same author.
- Taken for Granite: Trantoros, which can turn themselves into rocks for extended periods of time, but can't move during that period. A few strips later, they're used as projectiles and as a perpetual motion machine.
- Those Two Bad Guys: Fusk and Vorte.
- Torture First, Ask Questions Later: The troll is told to torture the two prisoners until they talk. Said troll doesn't speak English.
- Wham Line: "Drop her."
- "The shapechanger doesn't have green blood. Inatario did."
- When All You Have Is a Hammer: Anette solves all monster-related problems by applying copious amounts of sword.
- Year Inside, Hour Outside: The miniature worlds have controls to configure their speed. One had a time lapse of millions of years to try to exploit evolution for a Lord of the Rings world clone, and another was skipped ahead a few millenia in order to see what happens to the magic woman who declared herself a god (which broke down into a civil war that eventually constructed robots that kill humanoids outside their faction.)
- Zany Scheme: Fusk, Vorte and Jymre screw things up so often that they need to pull these once or twice a storyline. Used to triumphant effect in "Passion, lies and fungus".