Galasso is an alien.The stubble growth and daughter are red herrings. The suit is highly advanced for the hair growth and the daughter, well, it's hard to say. This explains several things:
Mike can't remember his resurrection.He always avoids the topic and never brings it up. The answer he gave Amber was "I died and then I came back to life." But what if that's all he knows about it? One day he was dead, the next he's working at a toy store. He doesn't know and he doesn't want to know.
Lezzie's new cat is actually a Mew.It looks and sounds exactly like one.
Ethan's boyfriend is related to Joyce somehow.They both have bright blue eyes, same skin color and hair. It's not an impossibility.
There's a reason Mike gets so upset in this comic, and it's not just because the guy is totally cluelessIt's because he reminds Mike of Dina.
Ethan, who has recently come out as gay, is actually a closet bisexual, and is just pretending to be completely homosexual in order to avoid having to get Galasso's daughter pregnant to produce an heir to the store.He thought he was straight until Mike kissed him just to get under Robin's skin, and he has had and enjoyed sex with women in the past. However, when told about some of the things Galasso has made Conquest do in the past, Ethan was visibly squicked out, to the point of spraying himself where the sun don't shine with what appeared to be Lysol.
Ethan, who has recently come out as gay, is actually ace (asexual), but the author doesn't know it yet.
Batman can't actually breathe in space.Note that, the only time in the strip Batman was depicted as breathing in space, it was a fantasy of Robin's brought on by action-figure card art. Clearly, during her time as a congresswoman, she participated in a secret government project to screw with Batman's mind, and left him with the permanent impression of having the ability to breathe in space.
Robin is a grown-up Tomo from Azumanga Daioh.Their personalities are pretty much identical, and they look pretty similar too. Tomo was planning to join the ICPO; can there be any doubt that she would jump at the chance to join SEMME? And after that, she lost no time finding a new Meganekko to harass.
Mike is alive because he was working with the Martians all alongThink about it: Mike's clearly a jerk who hates everyone. We are led to believe that Dargon and Penny had some sort of Gambit Roulette going that involved transporting various items to military facilities as targets for the Martians, but it makes much more sense to assume that Mike simply wants humanity dead. Why, you ask? Because humanity slaughtered his people and drove them from Earth! That's right: Mike is, if not a Martian, some sort of extraterrestrial who has blended in to human society. Seriously, how many humans do you know who become perfect gentlemen when drunk and recover completely upon vomiting? And then there's Mike's death scene: We don't actually see him get killed, but we do see him telling Joyce to get away before he's dragged into the invading forces, never to return. The end of It's Walky clearly states that the Martians are capable of utterly destroying their targets to prevent resurrection, but Mike is decidedly alive at the start of Shortpacked. Then there's his choice of employment: He likes killing people, so why would he join a toy store rather than get his old job back if he didn't have something to hide? Naturally, Galasso is just a pawn in Mike's scheme to overthrow the planet and destroy all humans. Discuss.
The assumed Head Alien who told Robin about the Drama Tag was actually Sydney Yus.She proclaims that they haven't heard the last of her. Not much later, a shadowy figure appears and semi-menaces a major character. Coincidence? I think not!
Faz is dead.The last time he had any part in the plot were in these pages, where we saw him strangled and tossed aside like a sack of potatoes by Galasso. The only time we've seen him since then is in this strip, where he's not perceptibly moving. That's right: Galasso killed Faz and had him stuffed and mounted as a dinner-plate-cover-holder.
Ronnie is the American King ArthurAmerica, being a young nation compared to Britain or Germany (and their legend about Fredeick Barbarossa), is still deveolping its legendary protector. Ronnie is waiting until America is once again threatened by Communism, and when that day comes, he will rise again to save the USA. In the meantime, he works in a small retailer, the most eloquent symbol of American Freedom, because Ronald Reagan doesn't sleep, boy. He works all shifts.
Galasso is Norman Osborn, during the period where he was "dead".Just look at him. It's obvious.
Robin is the Goddess of LoveThat's why everyone around her gets lovin' and she gets none. She can't. It's against her nature. This is also why she can alter reality, like pulling the drama tag, being a Senator.
Ultra Car is KITT
Galasso is an AlienHow far or advance depends on your view. I am tempted, very tempted to believe him to be Head Alien II, or a resurrected Head Alien trying to lay low after his plans failed. This works mostly for the Head Alien I, near idiotic means to take over the world through a toy store, having Mike's DNA, etc. Though realistically, it could be any smarter than average alien under Head Alien who decided to try to strike it out on his own, taking a few things with him.
Ethan will find the TV Tropes Wiki at some pointOr already has. Prepare for more nude pudding wrestling action. Also, I call dibs.
Robin will find the TV Tropes Wiki at some point.She's a far more likely subject for the fourth wall breakage that will inevitably ensue. Plus, Ethan always has the Transformers wiki. Alternately, she has already found the TV Tropes wiki, and engineered the "Ethan is not gay" WMGs in hopes that the author will invoke Ascended Fanon and Retcon them into a relationship.
Every character will find their own wiki at some point.Ethan and Robin will have the Transformers Wiki and TV Tropes, Mike will have Encyclopedia Dramatica, Ninja Steve will have Wiki Naruto, Ronnie will shamelessly edit the main Wikipedia with regards to his term in office, Faz will set up the Faz Wiki (or possibly commandeer a random unofficial Porn Wiki and mold it into a Faz Wiki), and Connie will take up editing of random pop culture wikia. Galasso tries to either take over the Villain Wiki or order it to produce an heir with his daughter, and Car will take up editing Wiki Spider-Man. Finally, Leslie Bean either finds or makes a Congressional Wiki, and puts mention of Robin in every. Single. Article.
David Willis did find the TV Tropes Wiki at some point.And posted most of these "guesses" himself just For the Evulz
Spider-Car is not Ultra Car.Ultra Car can't fit through any of the doors into the main toy store, but Spider-Car can. Ultra Car's a jerk, but Spider-Car helps people. Ultra Car and Spider-Car have never been seen at the same time. No, scratch that last one.
On the Leslie-Robin-Ethan-Amber-Internet Boyfriend situation:Amber sleeps with Ethan, reawakening the female-liking side of his bisexuality. Tormented with guilt, she goes to confess to her internet boyfriend while Ethan mulls it over. IB explains that the Carlos Mencia marathon was a suggestion by his jealous ex, as was the alleged pornstache, and they blurt out at the same time that they slept with their respective exes. They either decide to call it a clean slate, start over again with all the cards on the table, no secrets, or they break it off and decide to just be friends again, this time with no UST. Amber goes back to Shortpacked, and if she and IB stay together, she'll give her two weeks notice and move in with him, and Ethan will neglect mentioning his newly rediscovered bisexuality on the request of Leslie Bean. If Amber and IB decide to just be long-distance friends, she and Ethan will discuss dating (with relevant flashback), Robin will announce that she's not at all into girls and Leslie Bean will tearfully leave to come back to help with the final fight against Galasso once he escapes that evening, and move back into their house but in a different room from Robin (though will continue trying to win Robin over). Amber and Ethan become the new UST, and Robin doubles her efforts to get into Ethan's pants.
Shortpacked! Is a front-gone-wrong for SEEME.Mike or his direct superior was in charge, but then Galasso took over, and the events at the end of It's Walky! were never reported to the Shortpacked! branch. Robin had subconscious conditioning to go to Shortpacked! in the event of certain occurrences, to be kept safe under the wing of Mike and whoever Galasso had taken the store from. Not the Mike of It's Walky, mind you. That Mike was this Mike's evil twin (how many puppies have you seen him threaten? One! And Ninja Rick's killed more people than this Mike!) This explains why Mike allowed Ethan to keep Galasso under wraps, while refusing to actively get involved and blow his cover. None of the abductees consciously knew of Shortpacked!, and it's likely that there were other places across the United states (or even the world) in the event of a decentralization in order to continue the fight against Head Alien and his troops where they couldn't all be tracked down.
The world beyond the toy store does not existThe toy store is a terrarium for the remnants of the human race. Any action that takes place outside the store is really in the attic above or artifically induced hallucinations. This is why the only legal authority we have ever really seen is Robin and that ain't saying much.
Robin is Tim DrakeBatman decided the ultimate way to protect his identity would be to change his gender, wipe his memories, give him a new set and have him/her seek a job at a toystore. Hence the obsession with Batman.
Robin's sombrero can or will travel through time.And it has 106 other abilities, to boot.
Drunk Mike is an entirely different person whose personality only comes out when Mike gets hammered.Drunk Mike was a separate abductee whose body was subjected to an experiment-gone-wrong which resulted in his personality and memories being transferred to Mike. Eventually they will be separated into two different bodies. Drunk Mike will continue to work at Mc Awesome's while going steady with Amber while Regular Mike will do what he normally does. The two will then react like any other person does towards alcohol.
The Drunk Mike thing was a Break the Cutie ploy at Amber.Mike has a new idea for messing with Amber and Ethan. Become Amber's boyfriend and let her think she has power over him. This goes to her head and drives a firm wedge between herself and Ethan, and possibly her other friends at the toystore morphing her into a mild Jerkass. When she's driven away all her friends, Mike reveals he doesn't act like a nice guy when he was drunk, and this was just a ploy to crumble the self-esteem Amber had gained by playing on her attraction to men that remind her of her dad.
Mike is a primal force of the universe.Hence why he was able to come back from the dead. Perhaps he is the anthropomorphic personification of being a douche, kind of like The Endless: Douchebaggery/Dickishness of The Endless.
Robin doesn't actually have a crush on Amber.Robin has a crush on Spider-Car, whom she believes is Amber. She's in denial about the possibility of Ultra-Car being Spider-Car because Ultra-Car is a jerkass.
Amber's hamster is a DominusThis will explain it all. The other one plays the part of R. Dorothy or maybe Norman.
Lezzie's new 'cat' is a Mew.It looks, acts and sounds exactly like one.
Robin and Jacob did not actually have sex. They just thought they did.The video is on YouTube, which does not allow explicit content. Further, the only people actually present were Robin and Jacob - who are both idiots. However, they still _intended_ to have sex.
Malaya is the Third EtonShe will lead Shortpacked to its manifest destiny of rejoining Toys R Us and will lead the toy empire into the bold new future of retail.
Amber knew her birth control pills had been switched out.At the least, she didn't notice "accidentally on purpose" (See also FBOW's Deanna and her BC mix-up) Well, it's this, or we're being asked to swallow the idea that Amber doesn't know BC pills from breath mints.
Mike is alive because the Cheese didn't want him.Mike was causing so much trouble in purgatory that eventually, the Cheese just decided "fuck it" and kicked Mike out.
Reagan left to go find and apologize to NancyHe'd been alive how long by that point without letting her know?
Galasso is an alien, who is really Singularikitty who is an alien life form.Singularikitty!Galasso has time travel tech and memory wiping. He is so skilled with memory erasing that I bet he even can make people forget entries in this WMG before you reach the end of the page! Who would ever guess Galasso could be an alien!
The Amber\Mike Spawn will be named "Dina"Well it's already confirmed that it's going to be a girl
Mike deliberately acts extra assholish towards women he likes as a series of tests to make sure they can handle a relationship with himHis behaviour towards Amber is pretty similar to his behaviour towards Dina, except that Dina's lack of understanding of human behaviour prevented her from understanding what she was doing wrong so she failed her tests while Amber ended up passing.
Drunk!Mike is what Mike is really like inside.Now, obviously, the reason Drunk!Mike even exists is because he's a parody of the usual stereotype of "nice person + drunk = turns into an asshole" (ergo, someone who's already a total asshole flips around and becomes nice). But let's think, now: why do most people act like pricks when they get drunk? Because alcohol removes their inhibitions. The stupid stuff they do while drunk is something that they'd think about doing while sober, but avoid because it's too cruel/dumb/dangerous. Being drunk makes you act on your first instinct and prevents you from thinking deeply or coherently about it. Therefore, when Mike gets drunk, he acts in the way he'd like to, but doesn't. In reality, he's kind, generous, considerate, polite, and in general, a pleasant, lovable man. His ridiculously mean-spirited behavior is a mask he presents to the world. The more you think about it, the more this makes sense: His home life and upbringing seems pretty normal (the only stuff that doesn't is obvious lies, like how his religion supposedly sacrifices dogs), and his parents are quite nice people; he's a suspiciously Flat Character in a world otherwise full of Character Development; and though it's never elaborated upon, we see plenty of hints (through his relationships with Dina and Amber, for instance) that he seems oddly ashamed of being nice, at least at first.