Hunt squirrels, staple them to a corpse, and meet god.
—Steam description.
Squirrel Stapler is an absurdist hunting-themed Horror Video Game by David Szymanski. Originally a part of Dread X Collection 2, an expanded version with tutorials, a livelier world, and "GIANT SQUIRRELS" was released on September 11, 2023. The Steam page for the latter is here
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A lonely man living in the woods has come to a horrible realization: his beloved - a dismembered corpse he's nailed to his cabin wall - is starting to attract flies. He decides to solve this problem by hunting squirrels and replacing the decayed flesh with their beautiful pelts, in the process breaking the one commandment of the forest's God: "Thou shalt not staple squirrels!"
Tropes from the Dread X edition:
- Action Bomb: Interestingly enough this is how the Squirrelbears attack you, by charging down on you and exploding taking about 80% of your health off.
- Bears Are Bad News: One of the two enemy types is a Squirrelbear, a cross between a squirrel and a bear that's attracted to gunshots and loud noises in general, can take a minimum of 2-3 hunting rifle shots to put down and can take off about 80% of your health bar if it explodes on you.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: You can find notes telling you the story of a painter who pays an old witch to bring a painting of a woman he painted to life. Problem is, he never painted her from the waist down, so she comes out with no lower half (and thus nothing to keep her entrails inside her) and spends the rest of the story screaming in pain until the painter puts her out of her misery.
- Blatant Lies: The Squirrel Facts start out as legitimate, banal facts about squirrels, progress to ridiculous nonsense ("Squirrels use chemosensory hairs on their legs and feet to identify food and track it with their front antenna"), and eventually become progressively-less-subtle threats.
- Face Death with Dignity: If you try to get back into your cabin once the countdown to "God" arriving starts, the protagonist will refuse, simply stating he must meet God. The note from the first day indicates he knew the Goat of the Wood would punish him for stapling squirrels, and he chooses to meet his punishment head on.
- Foreshadowing: Right out the gate, you get two strong signs something big is going to happen eventually: a Note to Self that God will come in five days, and a torn page with a commandment from "the Goat of the Wood": thou shalt not staple squirrels.
- Gainax Ending: It may be foreshadowed from day one, but the ending is still out of left field.
- The ending of the Artist's mini-story, as told through notes. After killing the half-woman, the Old Woman and the Artist decide to make soup out of her meat, which kills them both because it was poison. "Art will eventually destroy the artist. The end."
- Hell Is That Noise: As the timer for God winds down, chanting that "God is coming" can eventually be heard, growing in volume. When the timer hits zero, the chanting becomes shouts of "God is here" mixed with wordless screaming.
- I Love the Dead: Implied, as the corpse that the squirrel bodies are being stapled to is referred to multiple times as the protagonist's "wife."
- Insane Troll Logic: The protagonist comes to the conclusion that, by covering his (dead, skinned, beheaded) "wife" with dead squirrels, she'll become just as beautiful as they are, rekindling their romance.
- Mysterious Note: The forest is full of notes with "Squirrel Facts" that go from genuine facts about squirrels to nonsensical Blatant Lies to thinly veiled threats.Note: Squirrels are capable of hating you.
- Nothing Is Scarier: There is a cabin in which you can "commit sins." Entering the cabin brings you to a screen with a picture of a one-eyed squirrel that reads "COMMITTING SINS," with nothing else to indicate what the hunter is doing in the cabin.
- Offscreen Teleportation:
- As the days go by, the corpse you're stapling squirrels to appears in other locations than your bedroom, such as at the dinner table in your house, stapled to a random tree in the woods, just hiding in the bushes, or somehow standing up out in the open.
- The Goat of the Wood jumpscares you by appearing directly behind you, immediately after you hear him running towards you at incredible speed even though you can't see him anywhere by looking around.
- Retraux: The game is presented in Quake / PS1 style graphics. Which isn't surprising considering the developer.
- Rodents of Unusual Size: As the days go by you will encounter squirrels that are much larger than the norm. Like almost the size of a raccoon or even a full-grown dog. You are also required to hunt them down to complete a level.
- Sprint Shoes: An energy drink temporarily doubles player's movement speed.
- Stalked by the Bell: Played with. Once you have killed all the enemies, a timer begins which says "God is coming". There's no way to slow or stop the timer, and it is essentially an extended cutscene until "God", the Goat of the Wood, jumpscares you from behind.
- Stylistic Suck: The sleeping screen features a zoomed-in, pixelated picture of a squirrel with the caption "you are sleeping."
- Villain Protagonist: The unnamed protagonist goes out and kills squirrels so he can staple them to a corpse that he refers to as his "wife." He also probably killed and skinned her.
- Wham Line: Collecting all the squirrels you need on Day 5 gives you this message and a timer: GOD IS COMING.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Courtesy of your "wife".
- Corpse: I don't want squirrels. I want skin. Give me back my skin. Or give me yours instead.
