Useful Notes / Boris Johnson

"You canít rule out the possibility that beneath the carefully constructed veneer of a blithering idiot there lurks a blithering idiot."
Boris, in a rare display of political self-awareness

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is a UK Conservative politician, former Mayor of London, Member of Parliament for Uxbridge and South Ruislip, journalist, novelist, historian, classicist, and TV personality. And now Foreign Secretary of Theresa May's cabinet.

He's also the secondnote  most famous Tory bicyclist after fellow Eton and Oxford alum (and Bullingdon Club member) David "ignore that car behind me" Cameron. Easily recognizable by his unruly mop of blond hair, general air of amiable distraction, and tendency to talk like somebody out of P. G. Wodehouse.

A journalist covering politics and cars, and editor of The Spectator magazine, he came to major fame with an appearance on Have I Got News for You. He was a journalist only known - and then only really to other journalists - for an audio tape of a phone call in which he agrees to help an old school friend of his beat up another journalist. Ian Hislop had a transcript of this which he used to mock Johnson, which he hadn't been expecting; following this, he claimed in his column that the show was entirely scripted.

And then reappeared on the show later to retract this, reassuring "all the little children out there" that the show was indeed entirely spontaneous, and admitting that he'd agreed to come back purely for the money. He also appeared later as a repeated guest host.

While others will point out to him that he's made controversial comments out loud, while microphones are still on, and kept on digging himself in deeper even after it's been pointed out to him, he appears to be immune to embarrassment. It's everyone else who gets embarrassed instead, one of the key components in his ability to defy political gravity - despite all the above mentioned gaffes and many, many, many more, including an affair and at least one illegitimate child (the sort of offences for which any other politician would and have been tarred, feathered and run out of the Conservative party for on principle) and a not entirely unjustified perception by Remain Voters following the EU Referendum that Boris had only joined the Leave campaign (in which he was a crucial component, because approximately 80% of the country unconditionally despises Nigel Farage) as part of his political ambitions, and had therefore screwed over the country for his own vanity, especially as several months before the Referendum he had said leaving the EU would be disastrous. Then he was promptly stabbed in the back by supposed political ally Michael Gove, before performing a phoenix like resurrection barely a week later to become the Foreign Secretary in the Cabinet of new Prime Minister Theresa May.

On a different note, he is probably the most ethnically-mixed political person of significance living today after Barack Obama himself, being not only English but American (born in New York, which means it is possible for him to be the only man ever to have served as Mayor of London and President of the United States - though as of 2015, he has apparently given up his American citizenship), French, German, Russian, and Turkish. He's the whole Crimean War in one messy blond package! People have also noticed that he and Donald Trump look like twins separated at birth... Or at least have the same barber.

Boris Johnson in fiction:

  • Ass in Ambassador: Nobody is quite sure why Boris Johnson was chosen as Foriegn Secretary, since his main skills seem to involve offending people in 11 different languages. Theories range between him being the best person for the job (terrifying) to keeping him out of the country and the House of Commons as much as possible.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Those who have seen him in private have repeatedly remarked that he's not half as ridiculous as his Obfuscating Stupidity would have you believe, in fact being a very ruthless politician with a well-planned route to the top.
  • Blue Blood: Who Do You Think You Are? uncovered that he is a distant descendant of King George II, which also makes him related to nearly every single European Royal Family.
  • Do Not Call Me "Paul": Accidentally lost points once because he gave his name on HIGNIFY as "Boris", when it was pointed out that his first name, according to his birth certificate, is legally "Alexander".
  • Politician Guest Star: To the point where there is a special part of the HIGNFY DVD collection called "The full Boris".
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Combines this with a set of "oh, gosh", "um, ah" placeholder noise VerbalTics to rather odd effect, leading Russell Howard to speculate that when really excited, "he'd sound like a thesaurus going through a blender".
  • The Starscream: The panellists on Mock the Week commented that Boris' post in the new cabinet was 'Minister of Sit There Where I Can See You'. The joke is based on the widely-held (and judging by the EU Referendum Campaign, entirely accurate) belief that Boris was after David Cameron's job.