He wafts in, adding all sorts of tropes that have somehow gone unmentioned up until that point. Then, just as quickly as he came, he floats away on a breeze. He is not a mere man, and he's certainly not a phart. No, he's something altogether different; a sort of man/phart hybrid...
Indeed, he is the Phartman, and don't look now, but he's standing right behind you...
Stuff he's done so far:
- Law of Inverse Recoil
- Do Not Touch the Funnel Cloud
- Groin Attack
- Indulgent Fantasy Segue
- The Family for the Whole Family
- Resident Evil (Phartman adds: Well, someone had to do it, dammit).
- Capcom Sequel Stagnation
- Faceless Goons
- Scare Chord
- Shur Fine Guns
- Annoyed a bunch of regulars in the various discussion boards (Phartman adds: That's not vandalism; I really do that).
- Managed to not be a fan of Anime, Doctor Who, Lost, Heroes, the collected works of Joss Whedon, or any other overly hyped nerd-bait that I have to start watching. In fact, I really can't be compelled to give a rat's ass about any of them. There, I said it. Come get me.
He's also gotten a wild hair in his ass and finally started writing a book in his spare time. If you desire to wish the Phartman luck, he thanks you. If you wish to make snide comments about his endeavor, the Phartman invites you to go find a sharp object and fall on it. Phartman doesn't phuck around.
Update: Still working on the book. Writing fiction isn't nearly as hard as I thought it'd be -in fact, it's actually a lot of fun- but it is time-consuming. I don't want to spoil any details about the plot, but let me just say that Lucas wrote Star Wars, Rowling wrote Harry Potter, Tolkien wrote Lord Of The Rings and the McCafferys wrote Dragonriders Of Pern so I wouldn't have to. Two things I will promise you now, though: you will know exactly who every character's parents are from the beginning, and there won't be any fucking vampires in it, either.
