Hey kids, do you struggle all summer to make your garden, only to have nothing to show for it? Do the guys your parents hire to mow the lawn always end up killing it by accident? Well, fret no more!
Introducing the brand-new Trope Co.® Botanical Abomination™! Simply plant one of the Trope Co.® Botanical Abomination Insta-Seeds™ and watch it grow overnight. It can survive any environment! Plant it in the middle of the forest and it will tower over all of the other trees and releases mind-control pollen from its flowers. Is your garden in the Western countryside suffering? Plant a seed and watch as an Alien Kudzu sprouts and strangles half the country-side with its carnivorous, viney-goodness. Plant it in the desert and watch it become a massive Sand Worm with massive thorns across its body and can survive without water for months. Drop it in the ocean and watch it rise from the water as a colossal seaweed Kaiju. The fisher-men all over the coast will thank you immensely for the easy catch when its mere presence kills all of the fish near it. Even the moon isn't sa— I mean even in the airless vacuum of space is the perfect place to cultivate your Botanical Abomination™ as it grows into a blood-sucking Meat Moss that assimilates your friends and family into an amorphous monster. Next year's family reunion will be so much more interesting now!
The Botanical Abomination™ is both house-plant and family pet!
WARNING: Trope Co.® is not responsible for any all damage to property, including your friends, family or pets. The warranty on Trope Co.® Botanical Abomination™ is unreliable and you really should have assumed this about Trope Co.® by this point. Botanical Abomination Insta-Seeds™ are not for consumption, nor should any fruit or vegetable by-products that Botanical Abomination™ may produce be eaten. Do not allow Trope Co.® Botanical Abomination™ within contact of any form of Trope Co.® Animalistic Abomination™. The resulting interaction may lead to [DATA REDACTED]. May Contain Evil and allergenic pollen.
Call within the next ten-thousand years and earn a limited edition Trope Co.® Mushroom Man™ spore-package. Simply open the package within a dark and damp environment and watch as Trope Co.® Mushroom Man™ sprout within the next few weeks.
WARNING: Do not open the Trope Co.® Mushroom Man™ spore-package without protective gear. Failure to do so may lead to death and Zombie Apocalypse. Leave all Trope Co.® Mushroom Man™ away from sunlight, lest they start exhibiting symptoms akin to rabies and gain an innate desire to destroy the sun.
