Season 1, Episode 4:
The Lodge
Play of the Week goes spooky (for the first time since the CPDS's ill-fated and misprint-bedevilled adaptations of The Texas Chainsaw Massager and Nightwear on Elm Street) with an eerie tale of a 1960s family seeking to buy a suspiciously inexpensive old house, only to discover that the previous owner has plans for them — as does the troubled spirit of his long-dead wife...
This week's catastrophes are brought to you courtesy of the set which, in an effort to accurately reproduce a decaying and neglected old house, has gone a bit too far in the "crumbling death trap" direction. Elsewhere, Dennis struggles with the concept of a 'cue', Robert struggles to find a suitably working exit, and Vanessa struggles with the unreliability of balloons as a method of simulating pregnancy.
”The Lodge” contains examples of:
- Acquired Error at the Printer: Cornley's horror-themed plays have struggled with this in the past, resulting in such productions as The Texas Chainsaw Massager (where Leatherface would give back rubs to the local community), as well as a pajama-based production of Nightwear On Elm Street.
- Bedsheet Ghost: When Max's character dies, Vanessa puts a sheet over him. Max gets carried away and briefly tries to turn the role into this trope before Chris stops him.
- Big Bad: Albert Fortnoy and the Ghost of Vera.
- Bitch Slap: Robert refuses to back down during a fight scene because he doesn't think Chris is putting enough effort into it, and when Chris lightly gives him a mock slap (in character) Robert responds with one of these, sending Chris sprawling. To his credit, Robert immediately realises he's taken things too far and backs down.
- Brick Joke: In typical Cornley fashion, minor calamities tend to pop back up again at the worst possible moment:
- About halfway through the episode, Chris causes a prop gun on the wall to go off early when he bumps into it... so when Robert attempts to fire it later, it's unloaded, and he has to continue his Evil Laugh as he reloads it.
- As David (Chris) attempts to leave the house, he's supposed to find that the front door is locked; however, when he tries opening it, it's unlocked, and he has to lock it himself. This means that when the police officer (Jonathan) comes in to save Alice (Annie), he can't get the door open in time.
- Speaking of doors, early in the episode, Max accidentally pulls out the doorknob when he tries to open the kitchen door. So, when the group has to hide in the kitchen from Fortnoy (Robert) later, they can't get in.
- Call-Back: A cut-away to a previously-filmed bit has people intrude on it, as in Peter Pan Goes Wrong.
- Camera Abuse: When Sandra pops up to do a Jump Scare at the end, she accidentally bumps her head against it, leaving a smear of greasepaint on the lens.
- Chekhov's Gun: Played with. At one point, Chris accidentally bumps against a gun hanging on the wall and sets it off. This means that when Robert later tries to use the gun in a climactic scene, it's empty.
- Cool Shades: Max appears to have insisted on his character wearing these... despite the play being set in a gloomy house on a dark and stormy night. He later puts them on his attempt at turning his character into a Bedsheet Ghost.
- Cut Phone Lines: The Big Bad tries to do this to the others at one point, but unfortunately the phone line is too thick to be cut by the scissors he has. He and Chris roll with it better than other prop failures by simply carrying on as though he succeeded.
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Dawson Casting: Annie plays a hilariously unconvincing seven-year-old. - Detachable Doorknob: Early in the episode, Max attempts to open the door to the eponymous Haunted House's kitchen, only for the doorknob to snap off in his hand. After trying and failing to get it open, Max is forced to improvise by pretending that he's entered the kitchen, and everyone on set follows suit — to the point Trevor provides the intended refreshments by punching a hole in the door and pouring scalding-hot tea into Max's outstretched hands.
- "Everybody Dies" Ending: In true Goes Wrong fashion, the play ends this way even though it isn't supposed to — the mother character is forced to kill her daughter because the police officer can't get through the front door, which has been bolted from the inside. The police officer goes on acting as if the girl is still alive.
- Failed Attempt at Scaring: The episode is the Cornley Drama Society's latest attempt at a horror play, and just like all their other performances, the whole thing is greeted with gales of laughter by the studio audience. Quite apart from the cliched nature of the attempted scares, the horror is often undermined by
Special Effect Failure, prop failure, or acting failure. Among other things, Albert's (Robert) attempt to make a menacing exit end with the stairlift repeatedly malfunctioning; the words "EXPECT MORE BOIDES" appear on the wall, closely followed by Trevor hastily repainting the sign; and last but not least, the spectacle of Emma (Vanessa) speaking in unison with the ghost (Sandra) possessing her would have been frightening... if Sandra had been able to get her lines right. - Ham-to-Ham Combat: Chris and Robert try to outdo each other in their death scenes, resulting in increasingly prolonged death howls.
- Hand on Womb: This is frequently done with Vanessa's character, who is supposed to be pregnant. Unfortunately, they accidentally pop the balloon she's using to simulate it every time.
- Imperiled in Pregnancy: Vanessa's character is supposed to be pregnant, and is threatened with being possessed by a ghost at one point. She also ends up getting shot to death by a police officer at the end, meaning that — while it's easy to forget given how many times the balloon she's using accidentally gets popped — the CPDS decided to put on a play that ends with a pregnant woman being killed by police. Pretty dark, guys.
- Jump Scare: In a parody of The Woman in Black, Sandra tries to do this to the viewing audience at the end. It's surprisingly effective... until she bangs her head against the camera.
- Laughing Mad: Robert's character is supposed to do this twice, but circumstances end up leading to Robert doing it for real:
- The first time, his sinister laughter as Robert departs quickly devolves into desperation as he futilely tries to find some way to exit the set; the chair lift he's riding pitches him through a wall, the door leading off the landing opens onto another wall, the kitchen door can't be opened and the study door has a seven foot drop behind it. He finally gives up and exits through the cupboard under the stairs, with his laughter basically screams by this point.
- It happens again later in the play, where his character tries to shoot Chris and Vanessa — but the prop gun had already been fired earlier by accident so there's no flash-bang, and it then comes to pieces in his hands (the latter of which wasn't in the script but happened by chance on the night, leaving Henry Lewis to hastily improvise).
- Little "No": At one point, Annie is forced to play with a child's jump-rope which is clearly too small for her. On Max's character asking her if she can do any tricks, the answer is clearly supposed to be a yes, but Annie — realising the impossibility and in no mood to play along — responds with a curt "No!" instead.
- Newspaper Dating: Emma (Vanessa) finds Fortenoy's (Robert) scrapbook containing a newspaper article about a previous house guest who disappeared in 1937. She holds up a paper announcing the Spice Girls reunion tour.
- Overly Long Gag: Robert's increasingly desperate and realistic attempts at Laughing Mad as he fails to find a proper exit out of the set.
- Pillow Pregnancy: Vanessa's character is pregnant, requiring her to stuff balloons up her shirt... which keep bursting regularly when other characters try to pat her stomach. On one occasion it flies away and she has to chase after it.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: At one point, the message "EXPECT MORE BODIES" is supposed to appear on a window. Trevor instead writes "EXPECT MORE BOIDES", which Chris reads aloud exactly as spelt.
- Running Gag:
- Jonathan once again fails to actually make an entrance.
- Vanessa uses a balloon under her shirt to simulate pregnancy, but the balloons keep bursting.
- People fall when going through the door to the study, which comes out several feet above the floor on the other side.
- Dennis thinking something was his cue and starting to shout, "GET OUT!"
- Everyone padding out their sentences with excessive adjectives to compensate for the fact that the play is a little too short for its timeslot.
- The three Title Drops, each accompanied by alternating-colored lights and creepy music. The first time, it works as expected; the second time, the music comes in late; the third time, a cheerful fairground tune is played instead.
- Shut Up, Kirk!: When Chris finally gets sick of Dennis flubbing his cue and orders him to get lost, the audience react in sympathy towards Dennis. Chris, clearly in no mood, promptly snaps at them to shut up.
- Sole Survivor: Subverted due to the ineptness of the production. Annie's character is clearly supposed to be saved from her possessed mother by a police officer played by Jonathan at the last minute... but Chris locked the door earlier, so Jonathan couldn't get inside in time to save her and Vanessa had to follow through with 'stabbing' her. Instead, Jonathan dragged her around as if she were still alive.
- Sorry to Interrupt: At one point, a pre-recorded scene of Robert's character performing an occult ritual is shown... only for a member of the cleaning staff to walk in and interrupt it. Apparently they were using a nearby toilet.
- Sunglasses at Night: Max's character wears these.
- Title Drop: Occurs three times. The first time, it goes off surprisingly well. The second time, the music comes in late. The third time, it's inexplicably accompanied by a cheerful fairground ride tune.
- Visual Pun: At one point after a noise is dismissed as just a bat, a cricket bat floats by on a string.
- Voice of the Legion: Attempted in the climax after the Ghost of Vera, played by Sandra, possesses Vanessa's character. Unfortunately, their timing is noticeably off, and Sandra keeps flubbing her lines.Vanessa/Emma: Your mummy has gone! My love is dead! And now, I will have my revenge!Sandra/Vera: [attempted in unison with above] Your mummy is dea- has gone! My love is dead! And now, I shall ha- I will have my vengea- my revenge!
- Who's on First?: Chris snaps at Dennis for wrongly chiming in with his line of "GET OUT! GET OUT!" one too many times and orders him off the set. Naturally, when it actually is time for him to get back in and say the line, this ensues.
