Recap / Strong Bad Email E 195 Love Poems

Airdate: Monday, May 26, 2008

Sender: Just Another Hopeless Romantic

Strong Bad: (singing) Girl, where's my money that you owe me from all those emails that you wrote me?

A "homeless romantic" admits "I am absotively blunderous with my words which I speak", and writes Strong Bad asking for some advice on writing love poetry. In comes the newest of Strong Bad's many alter egos, "The Rub Doctor", with some pointers.

Strong Bad: Hi, I'm Dr. Marvin Rubdown. Did you know that writing love poems is as easy as telling a girl she's hot with the fance-pantsiest words you can think of?

Dr. Rubdown offers such pointers as:

• Swiping poetic inspiration from the fragrances of scented candles.

Strong Bad: Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.

• Replacing letters in the middle of words with apostrophes.

Strong Bad: "It is never ever over, my lover of clover" becomes "'Tis ne'er e're o'er, m'lo'er o' clo'er."
Coach Z: Now you're sporkin' my language!
Strong Bad: Get out!

• Not just speaking "all Elizabethan" to the ladies, but also try talking Kimberlian or Meredithian.

Cheerleader: I can't stand the way Meredith talks!
Meredith: I'th hath a cruth on ethry boy'th!
Kimberly: I herly berly on gerly werly!
(The Arrowed Guy shows up, dressed like William Shakespeare, and runs Meredith and Kimberly through with a spear, much to the amusement of Cheerleader and So And So.)
Narrator Strong Bad: SHAKESPEARED!

• For those who find "that frilly collar stuff" too "olde schoole", Strong Bad recommends "an overweight R&B make-out jam", such as Tenerence Love's "Sweaty Overweight Jam".

This is Tenerence Love with a sweaty overweight jam!
My name is Tenerence Love with a sweaty overweight ham!
It may be five pounds, ten pounds, twenty pounds
Just a little bit overweight, now welcome, girl, to Sweaty Town!

As Strong Bad is about to suggest what to do "when that gets you slapped and escorted from her building by security", Homestar, boasting that he's "the only one around here with any real no-arms-on experience with the lady-makes", sees fit to intervene. It seems he has his own attempt at a love poem that he whipped up "this mo'nin', this mo'nin', this mo, re-mo, re-mo-mo'nin'!":

Strong Bad: All right, but only 'cause that little song was kind of cool!
Homestar: Ahem... M is for milk, the real kind, not soy!
A is for non-organic apples, pesticides ahoy!
R is for raisins, they give me bad gas!
Z is too hard, so at this one I'll pass.
I is for inchiladas, and...
Strong Bad: Homestar!
Homestar: Yeah, what's up?
Strong Bad: That's not a love poem! That is a lavishly-produced grocery list!
Homestar: No, here's my grocery list: amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing!
Strong Bad: Woah, where've you been shopping?
Homestar: Skymall.

After baiting Homestar into admitting Marzipan broke up with him again and singing his little song again, Strong Bad cuts back to the Lappy to wrap things up.

Strong Bad: So there you ha' it
My Homeless Roma'ic.
Love Poems 101
Oh the hearts you will win!
Like this lavender-scented plug-in
New Paper, come on and get some!
(New Paper comes down.)

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Tropes:

• Accidental Misnaming: Strong Bad misreads "Hopeless Romantic" as "Homeless Romantic".
• Fun with Acronyms: Or acrostics. The first letters of each line in Homestar's "love poem" spell out "Marzipan"—but the lines are all about food, and make no mention of Marzipan herself.
• Get Out!: Strong Bad shoos away Coach Z after the latter shows up to respond to "'Tis ne'er e're o'er, my lo'er o' clo'er," with "Now you're sporkin' my language!"
• HA HA HA—No: How Homestar answers Strong Bad about him and Marzipan dating:
  Homestar: (chuckling) Are we even dating right now? Are we even d— Are we even da— (suddenly sad) No, she broke up with me again this morning.
• Meanwhile Scene: An Easter egg shows Strong Sad fidgeting in his room, clutching a poetry book to his chest, wondering why the heck Strong Bad isn't asking for his help.
• Noodle Implements: Strong Bad suggests that if a "sweaty R&B make-out jam" doesn't impress the ladies, "you can always buy a fourteen-pound bag of extra-long..." Homestar interrupts before we can hear the rest of Strong Bad's suggestion.
• [Trope Name]: Homestar's "grocery list". "Amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing..."
• Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Strong Bad suggests replacing random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes, such as "'Tis ne'er e're o'er, m'lo'er o' clo'er!"

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(Cut to Strong Sad, anxiously waiting next to a red phone with green marks on it that resemble Strong Bad's eyes, clutching a large book with "Poem Tome by Strong Sad" on the cover.)
Strong Bad: (muffled, in the background) ..Well, put on your patchy-stained jacket and gather 'round the fire in the trashcan, Homeless Romantic, 'cause the Rub...
Strong Sad: (talking over Strong Bad) Why isn't he calling me in on the Strong Badphone? This email was practically tailor-made for me!